My schedule for work got moved today - for reasons too inconsequential to explain - so I'm working from noon to 9pm. That meant I had all morning to myself (and the Lord), and man, if I were a permanent housewife I would be dangerous. I made and cut 30 copies of my zine, dropped off a check in the next town, established two Roth IRAs, did a little grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, and baked a cake. That's right: a cake - a layered cake to boot.
I think I'm missing a prayer meeting with my friends right now, though, which is fine. Really, I'm okay with it. Totally okay ... the toddler in me wants to say it wouldn't matter because it's not like He's currently meeting me in my prayer time, but I ground the toddler to inner monologue becuase it's okay - I'm pushing through.
So there's no great revelation to share today, but if you want to come over for chocolate cake you're welcome.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Waiting
The India zine is done, hallelujah. Now I just have to print it.
I seem to be in a holding period right now, so forgive me if the blog hasn't been real fun. He refuses to encounter me. It's odd because I know all the right things to say about it and all the reasons why (I've read Deep Unto Deep twice now), but it's still a struggle. I know He's drawing me out, teaching me to press in, cultivating a hunger in my spirit if I'll allow it and not just give up ... but I still catch my heart in bitter complaint. I still catch my flesh trying to just sleep in this time - why bother getting up early if He's not going to meet you there? I still consider it, even though I know it's typical wrong response to what is happening. Weird. Don't worry, though, I'm pushing through.
"By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought Him, but I did not find Him. 'I will rise now,' I said, 'And go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.' I sought Him, but I did not find Him. The watchmen who go about the city found me; I said, 'Have you seen the One I love?' Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the One I love. I held Him and would not let Him go ..." (Song of Solomon 3:1-3)
I seem to be in a holding period right now, so forgive me if the blog hasn't been real fun. He refuses to encounter me. It's odd because I know all the right things to say about it and all the reasons why (I've read Deep Unto Deep twice now), but it's still a struggle. I know He's drawing me out, teaching me to press in, cultivating a hunger in my spirit if I'll allow it and not just give up ... but I still catch my heart in bitter complaint. I still catch my flesh trying to just sleep in this time - why bother getting up early if He's not going to meet you there? I still consider it, even though I know it's typical wrong response to what is happening. Weird. Don't worry, though, I'm pushing through.
"By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought Him, but I did not find Him. 'I will rise now,' I said, 'And go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.' I sought Him, but I did not find Him. The watchmen who go about the city found me; I said, 'Have you seen the One I love?' Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the One I love. I held Him and would not let Him go ..." (Song of Solomon 3:1-3)
Friday, August 25, 2006
Blue Balloon
The Lord is good at symbolism. I already explained my position that God is the ultimate author, and for someone who considers herself a literature enthusiast (or one who would be if she could find the time) it's fun.
I was a bit sullen yesterday - everything that I'd been fighting off all week hit me yesterday in a well orchestrated ambush - and the fact that I had to drive to work in a gray, gloomy down-pour wasn't real encouraging. Twenty-five minutes into it, though, as I was getting into McHenry, a fairly large, blue balloon dodged the truck in front of me and bounced along down the side of the road, keeping pace with my car for a moment.
Watching it out the passenger window I was amazed, first, that anything could bounce in that kind of weather. BAM! Condemnation. The enemy started accussing me of giving in to this little bout of depression and not letting the joy of the Lord be my strength, etc. Wonderful, now I'm sad and in sin - this is going to be a great day.
My second thought - because now I'm just embittered - was that a really dramatic effect would have been to make it a red balloon. Gottcha on that one, God. Then I realized that not only was the environment unpleasant, the balloon itself was blue ... but still bouncing. He was right there to hold me: don't feel bad for being a little down. You can have joy any time you want it, but if you're tired and overwhelmed and you just want to sigh instead of smile it's okay to cry on My shoulder - I won't call you a bad Christian, or your faith weak. It's okay to be a little blue when you're getting rained on, just keep bouncing - be faithful in your duties and passionate for your God - and you'll be fine.
The rest of my day was miserable, but I feel alright about it.
I was a bit sullen yesterday - everything that I'd been fighting off all week hit me yesterday in a well orchestrated ambush - and the fact that I had to drive to work in a gray, gloomy down-pour wasn't real encouraging. Twenty-five minutes into it, though, as I was getting into McHenry, a fairly large, blue balloon dodged the truck in front of me and bounced along down the side of the road, keeping pace with my car for a moment.
Watching it out the passenger window I was amazed, first, that anything could bounce in that kind of weather. BAM! Condemnation. The enemy started accussing me of giving in to this little bout of depression and not letting the joy of the Lord be my strength, etc. Wonderful, now I'm sad and in sin - this is going to be a great day.
My second thought - because now I'm just embittered - was that a really dramatic effect would have been to make it a red balloon. Gottcha on that one, God. Then I realized that not only was the environment unpleasant, the balloon itself was blue ... but still bouncing. He was right there to hold me: don't feel bad for being a little down. You can have joy any time you want it, but if you're tired and overwhelmed and you just want to sigh instead of smile it's okay to cry on My shoulder - I won't call you a bad Christian, or your faith weak. It's okay to be a little blue when you're getting rained on, just keep bouncing - be faithful in your duties and passionate for your God - and you'll be fine.
The rest of my day was miserable, but I feel alright about it.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Salvation?
I've been kind of meditating on the concept of salvation lately. My contention has been this:
Romans 10:9//... that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
vs.
Matthew 33:38//And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
I know a lot of Christians (and even more pseudo-Christians) who use Romans to assure their salvation even though they may not necessarily be doing their best to live a Christian life. I nod my head and think, "Yup, that's what the Bible says, so I guess you're good." It makes salvation pretty easy: McSalvation, if you will.
Then I read passages like Matthew 33:38, and that makes it sound harder. To me, Matthew 33 is, "Go to the cross or go home," but a lot of Romans 10:9 Christians wouldn't be worthy of Christ by the standard set forth in Matthew 33:38 (and I'm not trying to be righteous here, there are days when I don't like to admit which camp I'm probably in).
I sought the Lord on the matter and do you know what He told me? "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." At first that seemed to support Romans without addressing Matthew and I was a little disappointed. Then I looked it up.
That phrase appears three times in scripture: Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, and Romans 10:13. In Acts and Romans the author/speaker is quoting Joel, so we turn to Joel for the initial context. I'll let you look it up (v. 31 and 32), but it's talking about the "great and terrible day of the Lord." It's talking about calling on the name of the Lord in a time when you may be immediately martyred for doing so. Then I realized that Romans 10:9 was written during a time when you may have been martyred for confessing with your mouth the Lord Jesus.
My conclusion is this: If one will call upon the name of the Lord, and confess His diety - under threat of torture and/or death - one will be saved. Hence taking up the cross. Your comments are welcome.
Romans 10:9//... that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
vs.
Matthew 33:38//And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
I know a lot of Christians (and even more pseudo-Christians) who use Romans to assure their salvation even though they may not necessarily be doing their best to live a Christian life. I nod my head and think, "Yup, that's what the Bible says, so I guess you're good." It makes salvation pretty easy: McSalvation, if you will.
Then I read passages like Matthew 33:38, and that makes it sound harder. To me, Matthew 33 is, "Go to the cross or go home," but a lot of Romans 10:9 Christians wouldn't be worthy of Christ by the standard set forth in Matthew 33:38 (and I'm not trying to be righteous here, there are days when I don't like to admit which camp I'm probably in).
I sought the Lord on the matter and do you know what He told me? "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." At first that seemed to support Romans without addressing Matthew and I was a little disappointed. Then I looked it up.
That phrase appears three times in scripture: Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, and Romans 10:13. In Acts and Romans the author/speaker is quoting Joel, so we turn to Joel for the initial context. I'll let you look it up (v. 31 and 32), but it's talking about the "great and terrible day of the Lord." It's talking about calling on the name of the Lord in a time when you may be immediately martyred for doing so. Then I realized that Romans 10:9 was written during a time when you may have been martyred for confessing with your mouth the Lord Jesus.
My conclusion is this: If one will call upon the name of the Lord, and confess His diety - under threat of torture and/or death - one will be saved. Hence taking up the cross. Your comments are welcome.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
When you see these things ...
Yes, that's Madonna. "For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am the Christ' and will decieve many" (Matthew 24:5).
"knowing this first: that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts" (2 Peter 3:3).
"Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants ..." (Revelation 2:20)
"But He was wounded for our transgression ... bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet he opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth" (Isaiah 53:5-7)
Friday, August 18, 2006
Pray Without Ceasing
I just want to pray ... b/c I just want to be with Him. I don't want to go to work, and I don't want to clean my apartment. I just want to sit at His feet and listen to Him talk about whatever is on His heart to talk about.
A woman in our office got healed yesterday. It was an amazing miracle: swollen disc and a bone spur that was about to cause permanent nerve damage and perpetual pain. You know what, though? I don't even want to talk about it, because it's not as good as talking to Him. I love healing; I have a serious contention to move in that gifting that goes back to my days as a heathen. But healing is boring compared to His face.
Two weeks in India demonstrated the unmatchable power and love of my Lord, but signs and wonders are really starting to take their rightful (second) place in my heart. We know, and we say, that signs and wonders are to confirm or validate the gospel, but as a baby Christian these past two years I wonder if I hadn't made signs and wonders the gospel. We get really excited when a criple stands and walks in the name of Jesus, but when someone gets saved we kind of pat him on the back and say, "Good job." I think my heart is really starting to understand, and really starting to want more than simple miracles.
I, like I said, really want to move more in the gift of healing, but I'd give it all to someone else's faithful hands if it meant He'd encounter me in my quiet time - if I could walk with Him in the cool of every day.
A woman in our office got healed yesterday. It was an amazing miracle: swollen disc and a bone spur that was about to cause permanent nerve damage and perpetual pain. You know what, though? I don't even want to talk about it, because it's not as good as talking to Him. I love healing; I have a serious contention to move in that gifting that goes back to my days as a heathen. But healing is boring compared to His face.
Two weeks in India demonstrated the unmatchable power and love of my Lord, but signs and wonders are really starting to take their rightful (second) place in my heart. We know, and we say, that signs and wonders are to confirm or validate the gospel, but as a baby Christian these past two years I wonder if I hadn't made signs and wonders the gospel. We get really excited when a criple stands and walks in the name of Jesus, but when someone gets saved we kind of pat him on the back and say, "Good job." I think my heart is really starting to understand, and really starting to want more than simple miracles.
I, like I said, really want to move more in the gift of healing, but I'd give it all to someone else's faithful hands if it meant He'd encounter me in my quiet time - if I could walk with Him in the cool of every day.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Pro-Israel Christians?
I only had a few minutes (b/c how long could it possibly take to make a tall chai latte?) to let my eyes dart over the headlines on three choice newspapers stacked beside the counter. Two above-the-fold articles promised scandalous news about a rash group of Messianic Jews with influence in the media pumping out pro-Israel commercials that appear to be targeting Christians. Before I make the obvious comments, can I make this one: it's pitiful that anyone needs to produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda targeting Christians; Christians should understand covenant and, thus, already be gung-ho pro-Israel.
That said, the tone of both of these articles (at least the first three paragraphs of each b/c those baristas are quick) was one of shocked disdain that someone would produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda, and especially that they would aim to brainwash the poor, innocent Christians into thinking God has some special plan for the horrible (sic) little nation ... by using scripture verses that speak to that end. How ... terribly - um - manipulative?
A lot of people are going to be really surprised when this all goes down.
That said, the tone of both of these articles (at least the first three paragraphs of each b/c those baristas are quick) was one of shocked disdain that someone would produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda, and especially that they would aim to brainwash the poor, innocent Christians into thinking God has some special plan for the horrible (sic) little nation ... by using scripture verses that speak to that end. How ... terribly - um - manipulative?
A lot of people are going to be really surprised when this all goes down.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Seeds of Glory
Here I am, home from the most amazing two weeks of my life, struggling with the race set before me. I know that my Lord has an amazing plan for my life, and as long as I'm in His will I'm in the best place I can be. At the same time, though, so many of my friends are taking Forerunner classes or planning to spend months in some amazing missionary ministry. I spend nine hours a day in a retirement planning office and otherwise struggle to find time to draw close to the Lover of my soul.
But this is not a pity party, b/c - like I said - I know there's no better place I could be than in His will. It's just something I've been struggling with these few days I've been back, but I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3)!
It also helps that when I checked my email after two weeks, I got a super-encouraging note from a dear, sweet sister of mine. I love the way God uses our brothers and sisters in Christ, b/c sometimes you can know all the right things but it just helps to hear it from someone else.
But this is not a pity party, b/c - like I said - I know there's no better place I could be than in His will. It's just something I've been struggling with these few days I've been back, but I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3)!
It also helps that when I checked my email after two weeks, I got a super-encouraging note from a dear, sweet sister of mine. I love the way God uses our brothers and sisters in Christ, b/c sometimes you can know all the right things but it just helps to hear it from someone else.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Home [Adjective] Home
I'm not even going to talk about it here. I'm zine-ing, so if you don't see me in person regularly and you're not on my mailing list, let me know and I'll send you one when they're done.
The real challenge, after two weeks, is coming home. Messy apartment, stupid job. I thought it might be nice to only work nine hours each day - as opposed to the 12 or 14 we were "working" in India - but it's not really. My flesh definately prefers the shorter work day, but my spirit misses the exercise. So much of India is oppressed and depressed in so many ways, but there's a spiritual freedom there that I'm jealous for. There's a simplicity there that I've been after as long as I've been aware that I should be after a way of life. Call me to India, Lord - I'll go.
The real challenge, after two weeks, is coming home. Messy apartment, stupid job. I thought it might be nice to only work nine hours each day - as opposed to the 12 or 14 we were "working" in India - but it's not really. My flesh definately prefers the shorter work day, but my spirit misses the exercise. So much of India is oppressed and depressed in so many ways, but there's a spiritual freedom there that I'm jealous for. There's a simplicity there that I've been after as long as I've been aware that I should be after a way of life. Call me to India, Lord - I'll go.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
... One ...
I'm leaving for two weeks - I've been busy.
On a side note, before I get back to our main theme, here, I had an amazing time with my little brother on Friday. We went out to lunch so I could hang out before I left and it was just wonderful. I won't go into all the glorious details, but I just know that he knows there's more out there for him. He's too smart to really believe pot and tattoos is his portion forever. If you can, please keep him in your prayers.
The team spent ten hours together yesterday preparing. Most of the time was learning dramas, which are amazing. The main one we'll be doing is called Freedom and if you've ever seen it you know it's amazing. Just watching the DVD before we blocked it out was powerful - it hit so close to home I got choked up. It's about a girl who goes through everything trying to find the thing that will make her happy for real; over and over again she turns away from Christ to try the things of the world and every time they hurt her. I admit I was a little jealous to play the role of that girl, but I know if I obey my leadership I'm in His will and I'm becoming convinced I have at least a decent grasp on the malice controling a demon (that's my role - I'm a greed demon) because they manipulated me for so long. (Forgive the run-on sentence.) It's going to be interesting.
On a side note, before I get back to our main theme, here, I had an amazing time with my little brother on Friday. We went out to lunch so I could hang out before I left and it was just wonderful. I won't go into all the glorious details, but I just know that he knows there's more out there for him. He's too smart to really believe pot and tattoos is his portion forever. If you can, please keep him in your prayers.
The team spent ten hours together yesterday preparing. Most of the time was learning dramas, which are amazing. The main one we'll be doing is called Freedom and if you've ever seen it you know it's amazing. Just watching the DVD before we blocked it out was powerful - it hit so close to home I got choked up. It's about a girl who goes through everything trying to find the thing that will make her happy for real; over and over again she turns away from Christ to try the things of the world and every time they hurt her. I admit I was a little jealous to play the role of that girl, but I know if I obey my leadership I'm in His will and I'm becoming convinced I have at least a decent grasp on the malice controling a demon (that's my role - I'm a greed demon) because they manipulated me for so long. (Forgive the run-on sentence.) It's going to be interesting.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
... Four ...
I think my mind is being renewed regarding this trip. I find that when I pray about it, or just think about it even in passing, it's almost like it's business. In a tough-guy-starring-in-a-'90s-action-movie sort of way, but not at all cheesy because there's nothing cheesy about my God. I'm excited and I know it's going to be fun, but at the same time it's like I'm being prepared to take no prisoners. I'm anticipating powerful things, and I'm nearly to the point of spiritual violence over it. (I say "nearly" because I know there's a level of spiritual violence I haven't even dreamed of yet.) At the rate I'm going, in four more days I may be ... I hope I'll be ready to pick a fight.
In the natural, Timothy took a turn for the worse yesterday with that bug he's fighting. This morning saw a renewed strength, though, so he'll be fine by take-off.
In the natural, Timothy took a turn for the worse yesterday with that bug he's fighting. This morning saw a renewed strength, though, so he'll be fine by take-off.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
... Five ...
I'm starting to notice my ideas changing about what this work in India is going to be. In my prayer time and just in passing thought, anticipating the events soon to come, I catch myself relating to the thing as a serious battle. I say "catch myself" because it's not a mind set I'm trying actively to cultivate, it's just there. Hmm.
In the meantime we continue to be blessed beyond measure. The nearly $2000 balance on our trip has been covered by two generous donors. I pray a double-blessing on their families! The next day the guy in Oklahoma that Timothy's been trying to haggle with over his dream bass guitar emails and offers an amazing deal - and we don't even have to pay it all up front. He doesn't know us, but he's willing to send the bass and trust that we'll pay it off when we're able.
In the meantime we continue to be blessed beyond measure. The nearly $2000 balance on our trip has been covered by two generous donors. I pray a double-blessing on their families! The next day the guy in Oklahoma that Timothy's been trying to haggle with over his dream bass guitar emails and offers an amazing deal - and we don't even have to pay it all up front. He doesn't know us, but he's willing to send the bass and trust that we'll pay it off when we're able.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
... Six ...
Naturally, everything gets more intense the closer one gets to launch time. Finances are going to be extremely tight between bills before we leave and paying off the balance on the trip itself. Time is becoming elusive; we're adjusting things and canceling things to try to find time to put together this packing list. Last night Timothy got hit with a sore throat and a bit of congestion - which doesn't surprise us in the least. And we haven't even left, but we're already learning new things about submitting and obedience.
Monday, July 24, 2006
The Countdown Begins
We leave for Kurnool, India one week from today. I've gone back and forth between being excited and nervous, and now I'm just looking forward to two weeks with my Lord. Two weeks I don't have to take hours out of my day to put together client portfolios and all the rest.
I was talking with our youth pastor, who just got back from Mexico with the Jr. High kids, about how it hits them when everything else they're used to is taken away and they're just there with Jesus. My spirit got excited. Please take everything else away, I don't want it and it's always in the way. I can't wait.
In the meantime we'll be busy gathering things like sandals and deet and old sheets. Please remember us when you're with Him; I covet your prayers.
I was talking with our youth pastor, who just got back from Mexico with the Jr. High kids, about how it hits them when everything else they're used to is taken away and they're just there with Jesus. My spirit got excited. Please take everything else away, I don't want it and it's always in the way. I can't wait.
In the meantime we'll be busy gathering things like sandals and deet and old sheets. Please remember us when you're with Him; I covet your prayers.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The Lamb
I went home last night and made tea and found John 1 because I missed Jesus. I got to verse 29, "The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, 'Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!" And I cried.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Poop
So it's been a while.
And I have nothing to say. I'm tired.
I loath the contents of my weekdays between 8 and 5, but at the same time if this is where the Lord has me I should rejoice b/c He knows best, right? Forgive me, but I just can't right now.
I consider myself vile for how much I've neglected Him this week. It's like the days are over in minutes and I'm exhausted and I don't know where it all went or
what it yielded. I don't even try to recollect anymore because usually it's nothing, and that's just depressing. I've completely slacked off on my early morning prayer time, and the one time I tried it was like I had nothing to say. I can sit at work and make a list five miles long of people and countries and ministries and errors in my own soul to pray for and then I bring myself before Him and it becomes dry, rote religion. I can't even do that really romantic, coming-back-to-my-first-love thing and bask in His glory and goodness and beauty because I fall asleep waiting for Him. Just like the disciples in the garden; I guess I don't get it either. I haven't had a good meal in a week and all that's happened is my stomach's shrunk.
Jay told me this would happen.
And I have nothing to say. I'm tired.
I loath the contents of my weekdays between 8 and 5, but at the same time if this is where the Lord has me I should rejoice b/c He knows best, right? Forgive me, but I just can't right now.
I consider myself vile for how much I've neglected Him this week. It's like the days are over in minutes and I'm exhausted and I don't know where it all went or
what it yielded. I don't even try to recollect anymore because usually it's nothing, and that's just depressing. I've completely slacked off on my early morning prayer time, and the one time I tried it was like I had nothing to say. I can sit at work and make a list five miles long of people and countries and ministries and errors in my own soul to pray for and then I bring myself before Him and it becomes dry, rote religion. I can't even do that really romantic, coming-back-to-my-first-love thing and bask in His glory and goodness and beauty because I fall asleep waiting for Him. Just like the disciples in the garden; I guess I don't get it either. I haven't had a good meal in a week and all that's happened is my stomach's shrunk. Jay told me this would happen.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
The Author
I forget sometimes that God is an author - and a best selling author at that. If anyone knows metaphor, personification, allusion, etc it's the Lord.
With that understanding these past few weeks, I've found the world much more interesting. It's not cheesy or over-analytical to consider the odd little things we encounter day to day, because as Christians we have the assurance that Christ is directing our paths. There's not a moment of the day that He forgets you because He's working with someone else. When I'm having a rough day and I glance down at my feet in time to notice a sole ant dragging a dead caterpillar across the sidewalk, I know that the Holy Spirit sees it to and we chuckle at it together.
It's also pretty easy to let our society convince us, on some subconsious level that we don't always see right away, that God is haughty, or arrogant, or stoic, or boring, or all of the above. If God didn't have a sense of humor, there would be no laughter; if God weren't playful, there would be no weekends.
That makes things not only more interesting, but way more fun. A few nights ago the Lord knew someone was planning a fireworks display, and He beat them to the punch. We stood out on a friend's back porch to watch the most amazing symphony of heat lighting I've ever seen, and perhaps 10 minutes into it the fireworks started. It was so embarassing we laughed, and I'm sure that's what He was going for. He's a Father who likes to show off in front of his children who love Him.
With that understanding these past few weeks, I've found the world much more interesting. It's not cheesy or over-analytical to consider the odd little things we encounter day to day, because as Christians we have the assurance that Christ is directing our paths. There's not a moment of the day that He forgets you because He's working with someone else. When I'm having a rough day and I glance down at my feet in time to notice a sole ant dragging a dead caterpillar across the sidewalk, I know that the Holy Spirit sees it to and we chuckle at it together.
It's also pretty easy to let our society convince us, on some subconsious level that we don't always see right away, that God is haughty, or arrogant, or stoic, or boring, or all of the above. If God didn't have a sense of humor, there would be no laughter; if God weren't playful, there would be no weekends.
That makes things not only more interesting, but way more fun. A few nights ago the Lord knew someone was planning a fireworks display, and He beat them to the punch. We stood out on a friend's back porch to watch the most amazing symphony of heat lighting I've ever seen, and perhaps 10 minutes into it the fireworks started. It was so embarassing we laughed, and I'm sure that's what He was going for. He's a Father who likes to show off in front of his children who love Him.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Worship and Prayer
I got a piano. My very own piano. It's electric, but man is it beautiful. And it sounds amazing. I got a smashing deal on the thing too; the boss called it an "ex-employee discount."
Music's really coming to the fore-front lately. I suddenly want to write songs, which sounds like some cliche thing that anyone who has really been in music for over a decade would say. Every musician wants to write music, right? Faux. I was classically trained for eight years and that will intimidate you right out of attempting to write music. They don't even call it "writing music," it's "composing." Who am I to compose? Jeeze. I want to now though, and it's bugging me because I've never wanted to write music before and I don't want to disappoint myself. I know that's the wrong thing to say on so many levels, but that's where I'm at right now so if you cringed just then, pray for me.
A woman in my office was telling us this morning about her granddaughter who wrote the lyrics to this beautiful song that some major artist picked up. She played the song and everyone knew it but me (it's a secular song). I just got annoyed that someone with such a gift would waste it on everything that's falling away. I haven't actually sat down and made any real attempt to write a song, though, so it's like my flesh just wants to be jealous because that's the artistic angst thing to do and blah blah.
Part of me hestitates too because I don't feel qualified to write worship music. I listen to some of these beautiful, inspiring songs and think, "Wow. My heart is so not in that place." I wonder if I'm passionate enough for a good piece to flow out of me. I guess you'd tell me, though, that the Holy Spirit is plenty passionate and if I just let Him write I'm okay. You're good council.
The Harp & Bowl's been divine too. We actually had people come after the service last night, just for Harp & Bowl. One woman was telling us afterward about how she's been struggling in worship lately. That feeling of always having to press in to engage in worship had been overwhelming, but last night she used the term "sweet Spirit" more than once to describe the atmosphere.
Worship and prayer and worship and prayer and prayer and worship. It's almost like I'm practicing ... or training for something. Hmm.
Music's really coming to the fore-front lately. I suddenly want to write songs, which sounds like some cliche thing that anyone who has really been in music for over a decade would say. Every musician wants to write music, right? Faux. I was classically trained for eight years and that will intimidate you right out of attempting to write music. They don't even call it "writing music," it's "composing." Who am I to compose? Jeeze. I want to now though, and it's bugging me because I've never wanted to write music before and I don't want to disappoint myself. I know that's the wrong thing to say on so many levels, but that's where I'm at right now so if you cringed just then, pray for me.
A woman in my office was telling us this morning about her granddaughter who wrote the lyrics to this beautiful song that some major artist picked up. She played the song and everyone knew it but me (it's a secular song). I just got annoyed that someone with such a gift would waste it on everything that's falling away. I haven't actually sat down and made any real attempt to write a song, though, so it's like my flesh just wants to be jealous because that's the artistic angst thing to do and blah blah.
Part of me hestitates too because I don't feel qualified to write worship music. I listen to some of these beautiful, inspiring songs and think, "Wow. My heart is so not in that place." I wonder if I'm passionate enough for a good piece to flow out of me. I guess you'd tell me, though, that the Holy Spirit is plenty passionate and if I just let Him write I'm okay. You're good council.
The Harp & Bowl's been divine too. We actually had people come after the service last night, just for Harp & Bowl. One woman was telling us afterward about how she's been struggling in worship lately. That feeling of always having to press in to engage in worship had been overwhelming, but last night she used the term "sweet Spirit" more than once to describe the atmosphere.
Worship and prayer and worship and prayer and prayer and worship. It's almost like I'm practicing ... or training for something. Hmm.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Busy, Busy
There's so much going on it's crazy.
The Jr. High kids left for Mexico Saturday morning. Most of them called home Sunday and all of their parents told me about it at the church picnic that afternoon. Everyone's well. They were still in Texas, waiting to jump the border and save souls.
We've had about a half dozen kids/teenagers in the past two weeks dropping everything and looking for Christ (again, in some cases). Every day I hear of a kid who left youth group and had been doing drugs who decided it was all garbage and he's coming back. Or a guy who's never been to church before putting down the alcohol because he can't pull himself away from his new Bible. It's phenomenal - Jesus is on the move.
I think personally I'm at a point where I may have to take a step back from something - although I don't know what. It seems I've cut out all the simpler things and I'm still just tired all the time. Being a full time employee, a full time wife, doing a full time ministry, and trying desperately to pursue a real relationship with the Son of God is exhausting. Or maybe I haven't figured out how to effectively budget my time - although goodness knows I'm trying.
So that's a brief update. I hadn't posted in a while because things at work have been so busy that even my lunch breaks are consumed, so I wanted to throw up something for the out-of-towners who may been reading.
Love you all.
The Jr. High kids left for Mexico Saturday morning. Most of them called home Sunday and all of their parents told me about it at the church picnic that afternoon. Everyone's well. They were still in Texas, waiting to jump the border and save souls.
We've had about a half dozen kids/teenagers in the past two weeks dropping everything and looking for Christ (again, in some cases). Every day I hear of a kid who left youth group and had been doing drugs who decided it was all garbage and he's coming back. Or a guy who's never been to church before putting down the alcohol because he can't pull himself away from his new Bible. It's phenomenal - Jesus is on the move.
I think personally I'm at a point where I may have to take a step back from something - although I don't know what. It seems I've cut out all the simpler things and I'm still just tired all the time. Being a full time employee, a full time wife, doing a full time ministry, and trying desperately to pursue a real relationship with the Son of God is exhausting. Or maybe I haven't figured out how to effectively budget my time - although goodness knows I'm trying.
So that's a brief update. I hadn't posted in a while because things at work have been so busy that even my lunch breaks are consumed, so I wanted to throw up something for the out-of-towners who may been reading.
Love you all.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Broken
I was confronted last night with my own wretchedness. Is that a word? "Wretchedness?" It was upsetting, but good. The lower you go, the higher Jesus gets in your heart. He's ascended, of course, and couldn't really get any higher than the right hand of the throne of glory ... but how high He is in my heart is what I need to deal with.
I used to think that to be humble and lowly and meek was to think poorly of yourself. A person seeking humility would get cut off in traffic a lot, or the waitress would divinely spill a drink on him. I spent two decades living according to the world, can you blame me?
Last night, though, I met meekness. The person Jesus is talking about in the beatitudes does not have low self esteem or a poor self image. The key word there is "self," and self is simply not an issue. You encounter the I AM and you're instantly mild because He is so ... everything. At the same time, though, you can't get all depressed about your vile condition, because even in sin and compromise and your weak attempt to love Him as best you can - His heart is overcome. You can't turn away and tell Him you don't deserve His love because He knows you don't deserve it, but He deserves yours - even though it's shallow compared to His love, He deserves it and He wants it and you can't say no to that.
I used to think that to be humble and lowly and meek was to think poorly of yourself. A person seeking humility would get cut off in traffic a lot, or the waitress would divinely spill a drink on him. I spent two decades living according to the world, can you blame me?
Last night, though, I met meekness. The person Jesus is talking about in the beatitudes does not have low self esteem or a poor self image. The key word there is "self," and self is simply not an issue. You encounter the I AM and you're instantly mild because He is so ... everything. At the same time, though, you can't get all depressed about your vile condition, because even in sin and compromise and your weak attempt to love Him as best you can - His heart is overcome. You can't turn away and tell Him you don't deserve His love because He knows you don't deserve it, but He deserves yours - even though it's shallow compared to His love, He deserves it and He wants it and you can't say no to that.
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