I was confronted last night with my own wretchedness. Is that a word? "Wretchedness?" It was upsetting, but good. The lower you go, the higher Jesus gets in your heart. He's ascended, of course, and couldn't really get any higher than the right hand of the throne of glory ... but how high He is in my heart is what I need to deal with.
I used to think that to be humble and lowly and meek was to think poorly of yourself. A person seeking humility would get cut off in traffic a lot, or the waitress would divinely spill a drink on him. I spent two decades living according to the world, can you blame me?
Last night, though, I met meekness. The person Jesus is talking about in the beatitudes does not have low self esteem or a poor self image. The key word there is "self," and self is simply not an issue. You encounter the I AM and you're instantly mild because He is so ... everything. At the same time, though, you can't get all depressed about your vile condition, because even in sin and compromise and your weak attempt to love Him as best you can - His heart is overcome. You can't turn away and tell Him you don't deserve His love because He knows you don't deserve it, but He deserves yours - even though it's shallow compared to His love, He deserves it and He wants it and you can't say no to that.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
It's Time
A month ago the Lord was really speaking to me about how this summer is going to be a time of exponential training and equipping for anyone who will take hold of it. My spirit was on fire and I encouraged everyone I know who's in the Lord to really buckle down these next few months. I guess I forgot to really encourage myself.
I had a dream last night that kind of woke me up - not literally. I know I'm not as ready as I need to be for the things that are coming, but it's almost like I've said that so many times that I've unconsciously accepted it as the norm. Step one is recognizing that you're not strong enough, but step two is diving into the Word and into prayer, fasting, etc. I guess I've been hanging out at step one for too long.
It's time to get to it. So I repent for being half-hearted, Lord, and am hereby rededicating myself to study and prayer. I will schedule my days around You and not You into my days.
I had a dream last night that kind of woke me up - not literally. I know I'm not as ready as I need to be for the things that are coming, but it's almost like I've said that so many times that I've unconsciously accepted it as the norm. Step one is recognizing that you're not strong enough, but step two is diving into the Word and into prayer, fasting, etc. I guess I've been hanging out at step one for too long.
It's time to get to it. So I repent for being half-hearted, Lord, and am hereby rededicating myself to study and prayer. I will schedule my days around You and not You into my days.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Don't Go
I love to hear stories of people who drop everything at the Lord's calling to go where He would send them. I could sit for days an listen to all the "we had zero money and no place to live" stories, and the "we didn't speak the language" stories. The idea of just going in faith is so romantic; I love everything about it.
I'm a person, though, who wouldn't mind too much walking away from what's here and from what I have. It wouldn't be an agonizing sacrifice for me, and it wouldn't really do much in the realm of humbling me or bringing me low. I wouldn't have to subdue my flesh into it at all - I'd take off and love the whole adventure of it.
So at this conference last weekend, one of the worship leaders was introducing a song by telling us about God's provision in her own life - how she packed a suitcase and left the UK for the US without any idea what she was doing. My soul cried. "Lord I'll go too! I want that testimony! Send me!" He sternly but lovingly reminded me that He's already told me I'm to stay.
About a year ago I was longing for this same thing and I asked, "Lord, where is my mission field?" Anticipating, of course, something exotic like Tahiti or something dangerous like South Africa. "You were born in your mission field. Consider it a blessing." Hmmm. Not what I'd wanted to hear, but it resonated in my spirit.
Lately a very good friend in Christ has been encouraging me to go, and at the very least to pray about it. Every time I ask if this is His will for me He says nothing.
Last Saturday, though, Holy Spirit was my Comforter. "It's just as obedient, just as worthy, to stay when your will is to go, as it is to go when your will is to stay." Ahhh. So you sing the bit about, "If you say Go, we will go" and I'll sing the line that goes, "If you say Wait, we will wait."
I'm a person, though, who wouldn't mind too much walking away from what's here and from what I have. It wouldn't be an agonizing sacrifice for me, and it wouldn't really do much in the realm of humbling me or bringing me low. I wouldn't have to subdue my flesh into it at all - I'd take off and love the whole adventure of it.
So at this conference last weekend, one of the worship leaders was introducing a song by telling us about God's provision in her own life - how she packed a suitcase and left the UK for the US without any idea what she was doing. My soul cried. "Lord I'll go too! I want that testimony! Send me!" He sternly but lovingly reminded me that He's already told me I'm to stay.
About a year ago I was longing for this same thing and I asked, "Lord, where is my mission field?" Anticipating, of course, something exotic like Tahiti or something dangerous like South Africa. "You were born in your mission field. Consider it a blessing." Hmmm. Not what I'd wanted to hear, but it resonated in my spirit.
Lately a very good friend in Christ has been encouraging me to go, and at the very least to pray about it. Every time I ask if this is His will for me He says nothing.
Last Saturday, though, Holy Spirit was my Comforter. "It's just as obedient, just as worthy, to stay when your will is to go, as it is to go when your will is to stay." Ahhh. So you sing the bit about, "If you say Go, we will go" and I'll sing the line that goes, "If you say Wait, we will wait."
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Without a Vision ...
Everyone always knows what they want to be when they grow up. It changes a lot, especially when you're very young, but there's always something. Except me. I was always the one who had no idea. My senior year of high school I applied to one school because they sent me information and told me it was free to apply; I was accepted and went as a music major because I knew I could do music. No idea.
Christians are the same way. It seems like everyone knows what office he or she is called to, and in a lot of cases its just obvious which ones are worship leaders, evangelists, pastors, etc. (I know "worship leader" isn't in 1 Cor. but it's a necessary office just the same.) I never had any idea. I love music, but sometimes just really want to preach ... No idea.
So I'd been praying for a vision. I love that the Lord can answer prayer sometimes and we don't even see it happening. I have two now, or at least two clear pieces of the puzzle He created in me. Praying for vision or direction is kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand you know you need to have a vision for your life - His vision for your life - but then when He tells you it can be extremely intimidating. You have to step into it, though, because you asked for it. Glory to Jesus - that's the point of all of this silliness anyway.
Christians are the same way. It seems like everyone knows what office he or she is called to, and in a lot of cases its just obvious which ones are worship leaders, evangelists, pastors, etc. (I know "worship leader" isn't in 1 Cor. but it's a necessary office just the same.) I never had any idea. I love music, but sometimes just really want to preach ... No idea.
So I'd been praying for a vision. I love that the Lord can answer prayer sometimes and we don't even see it happening. I have two now, or at least two clear pieces of the puzzle He created in me. Praying for vision or direction is kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand you know you need to have a vision for your life - His vision for your life - but then when He tells you it can be extremely intimidating. You have to step into it, though, because you asked for it. Glory to Jesus - that's the point of all of this silliness anyway.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Obsession
A dear friend of ours sent a copy of the new documentary Obsession. We watched it almost immediately (because we have a computer now, so we can do crazy, 21st-century things like watch DVDs).
There really aren't words to describe what it puts you through.
Obsession is a documentary by a group called Honest Reporting (see Links) on "Radical Islam's War Against the West." It takes you through the sub-culture and exposes the conditioning children suffer as they're taught as toddlers to hate Israel and western society. It brilliantly draws together what the world media would have us believe are isolated attacks, to show you that there really is a global war being waged. It draws startling ties to Nazi Germany - the number of Muslim Nazis and high-ranking officers that I'd never heard about, and the propeganda that's identical to what's being spread through the Islamic world.
I could go on and on about the movie itself, but what it causes you to consider is unnerving. We know it's going to get bad in the last days, but you start to see a picture of it. It's one thing to read and talk about, but to see unrestrained hatred unleashed, to see hundreds of thousands of people possessed by anger and calling for your own agonizing death ... it becomes a reality.
Seeing all this and knowing that the church in America is not ready to combat it is worse. Because yes, there are real people involved with their own agendas, and yes, there are moderate Muslims who are appalled at/victims of suicide bombings, and yes, America is fighting back ... but we do not war in the flesh (2 Cor 10:3). Despite what it looks like on the surface, and in the natural, the spirit of Antichrist is strengthening and the only force that's going to effectively combat it is the church of Jesus Christ. So pray.
There really aren't words to describe what it puts you through.
Obsession is a documentary by a group called Honest Reporting (see Links) on "Radical Islam's War Against the West." It takes you through the sub-culture and exposes the conditioning children suffer as they're taught as toddlers to hate Israel and western society. It brilliantly draws together what the world media would have us believe are isolated attacks, to show you that there really is a global war being waged. It draws startling ties to Nazi Germany - the number of Muslim Nazis and high-ranking officers that I'd never heard about, and the propeganda that's identical to what's being spread through the Islamic world.
I could go on and on about the movie itself, but what it causes you to consider is unnerving. We know it's going to get bad in the last days, but you start to see a picture of it. It's one thing to read and talk about, but to see unrestrained hatred unleashed, to see hundreds of thousands of people possessed by anger and calling for your own agonizing death ... it becomes a reality.
Seeing all this and knowing that the church in America is not ready to combat it is worse. Because yes, there are real people involved with their own agendas, and yes, there are moderate Muslims who are appalled at/victims of suicide bombings, and yes, America is fighting back ... but we do not war in the flesh (2 Cor 10:3). Despite what it looks like on the surface, and in the natural, the spirit of Antichrist is strengthening and the only force that's going to effectively combat it is the church of Jesus Christ. So pray.
Monday, June 19, 2006
One Thing
Timothy and I took most of the worship team guys to the One Thing regional conference in Homewood on Saturday.
We drove three days past Roselle Road and arrived in Homewood almost an hour off schedule. We got probably 15 minutes of the worship set, though, which was amazing still because when the Holy Spirit is undeniably manifest in a place it's so simple to shut up your flesh and engage your heart before the Lord. I need to discipline myself to live in that place.
I think at first they were a little frustrated with me because I wanted the five of us to stay together all day, to sit across the room from some of their friends who were there, etc. By the second worship set, though, they had tapped into the freedom of His presence, and by the third they dropped their stuff on the seats and took off for the open areas where they could jump around and scream their hearts out before Him.
We'd prayed before going in to find seats before every service. Timothy or I prayed and they guys agreed or prayed in the Spirit. Before the last service, though, they took up the prayer in a powerful way. I was so proud of them, in a mother-hen kind of way and if that sounds silly so be it.
Sunday morning they carried the fire back with them. It was a small gathering at Church in the Word, but they were front and center singing, jumping, kneeling - worshiping Jesus with a new abandonment.
My prayer now is that we can help them (and ourselves!) sustain this passion and excitement. That we would consider this zeal and this kind of encounter the norm and press on for more! Lord, by Your grace starve out the cry in us for all of You that would take the kingdom of heaven by force - no matter who is looking on - with a battle cry of, "We will not be denied!"
We drove three days past Roselle Road and arrived in Homewood almost an hour off schedule. We got probably 15 minutes of the worship set, though, which was amazing still because when the Holy Spirit is undeniably manifest in a place it's so simple to shut up your flesh and engage your heart before the Lord. I need to discipline myself to live in that place.
I think at first they were a little frustrated with me because I wanted the five of us to stay together all day, to sit across the room from some of their friends who were there, etc. By the second worship set, though, they had tapped into the freedom of His presence, and by the third they dropped their stuff on the seats and took off for the open areas where they could jump around and scream their hearts out before Him.
We'd prayed before going in to find seats before every service. Timothy or I prayed and they guys agreed or prayed in the Spirit. Before the last service, though, they took up the prayer in a powerful way. I was so proud of them, in a mother-hen kind of way and if that sounds silly so be it.
Sunday morning they carried the fire back with them. It was a small gathering at Church in the Word, but they were front and center singing, jumping, kneeling - worshiping Jesus with a new abandonment.
My prayer now is that we can help them (and ourselves!) sustain this passion and excitement. That we would consider this zeal and this kind of encounter the norm and press on for more! Lord, by Your grace starve out the cry in us for all of You that would take the kingdom of heaven by force - no matter who is looking on - with a battle cry of, "We will not be denied!"
Friday, June 16, 2006
Don't Slip
I was hanging out with a couple of the girls from our Jr. High youth group yesterday evening. One of the girls started telling me about a conversation she'd had with another kid in which he admitted he doesn't really like youth group so much anymore.
We've heard these reports before, of course, and always the initial reaction is, "What are we doing wrong?" We pray and brainstorm about how we can engage them more, speak their language more, excite them more ... Yesterday that started to creep up on me, but it was squashed immediately and the phrase in my head was, "Many will fall away."
It was this little revelation that developed as I talked it out to the girls. When our youth group was getting off the ground a few years ago we were hip, we were cool, we were trying to draw kids in, plan events and outings, etc. It's my conviction that Holy Spirit is bringing our entire church body into a deeper place, including the youth ministries. He's preparing a bride, regardless of age, and making His people ready. It's going to get challenging. It's going to get harder. It's going to get awkward at times, and eventually it's going to take everything you have just to stand.
Don't give up because it's not fun all the time. We have to be tested before we can pass.
We've heard these reports before, of course, and always the initial reaction is, "What are we doing wrong?" We pray and brainstorm about how we can engage them more, speak their language more, excite them more ... Yesterday that started to creep up on me, but it was squashed immediately and the phrase in my head was, "Many will fall away."
It was this little revelation that developed as I talked it out to the girls. When our youth group was getting off the ground a few years ago we were hip, we were cool, we were trying to draw kids in, plan events and outings, etc. It's my conviction that Holy Spirit is bringing our entire church body into a deeper place, including the youth ministries. He's preparing a bride, regardless of age, and making His people ready. It's going to get challenging. It's going to get harder. It's going to get awkward at times, and eventually it's going to take everything you have just to stand.
Don't give up because it's not fun all the time. We have to be tested before we can pass.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Harp & Bowl
I learn so much during Wednesday night Harp & Bowl sessions. Last night's curriculum included:
1. Sacrifice of praise. It's a phrase we throw around a lot and I know (if anyone's reading this) most of us understand how praise can be a sacrifice, so I won't go into the sermon. I was so tired last night, though, and my flesh really wanted to cancel the whole thing and go home after the service. It's wonderful, though, because as we prove ourselves faithful the Holy Spirit takes us further every time.
2. I don't have a healthy fear of God. I don't know how long I just sang, "You are the Lord God Almighty and besides You there is no other (Isaiah)," trying to make it real to my spirit.
I'm so used to hearing about Jesus, the jealous lover; the Bridegroom who gave absolutely everything to be with me. That's true and too glorious for words, but the Father is the same yesterday, today and forever. He's passionate for my heart, but He's also a righteous judge and a righteous judge is not ruled by His emotions.
This is my latest prayer for me - and for my generation, because I know I'm not the only one who has put God in a box. If the oxen stumble, how many of us would casually reach back and lay a hand on the Ark to steady it?
Holy Spirit, cause a fear of the Lord to fall on the young people in America! In a nation with fish on every bumper, churches on every corner, and "God Bless" on our favorite idol, would you shake us? Take away everything that hinders love and ignite a passion in our hearts for the Refiner's fire! In Jesus' mighty name.
1. Sacrifice of praise. It's a phrase we throw around a lot and I know (if anyone's reading this) most of us understand how praise can be a sacrifice, so I won't go into the sermon. I was so tired last night, though, and my flesh really wanted to cancel the whole thing and go home after the service. It's wonderful, though, because as we prove ourselves faithful the Holy Spirit takes us further every time.
2. I don't have a healthy fear of God. I don't know how long I just sang, "You are the Lord God Almighty and besides You there is no other (Isaiah)," trying to make it real to my spirit.
I'm so used to hearing about Jesus, the jealous lover; the Bridegroom who gave absolutely everything to be with me. That's true and too glorious for words, but the Father is the same yesterday, today and forever. He's passionate for my heart, but He's also a righteous judge and a righteous judge is not ruled by His emotions.
This is my latest prayer for me - and for my generation, because I know I'm not the only one who has put God in a box. If the oxen stumble, how many of us would casually reach back and lay a hand on the Ark to steady it?
Holy Spirit, cause a fear of the Lord to fall on the young people in America! In a nation with fish on every bumper, churches on every corner, and "God Bless" on our favorite idol, would you shake us? Take away everything that hinders love and ignite a passion in our hearts for the Refiner's fire! In Jesus' mighty name.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Wash My Feet?
John 13:5-8//After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, "Lord, are You washing my feet?" Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this." Peter said to Him, "You shall never wash my feet!"
Never! Oh I know You love me and I understand the example You're setting, but please don't do this thing! Wasn't it enough to breathe life into me? To disrobe Yourself of divine glory and forever take on the form of a man? To resist every temptation, knowing that I would give in to so many of the slightest? To spend days bleeding? "Eli, Eli lama sabachthani?!" Wasn't that enough?!
Because it was all done at a distance, but I couldn't bear to see You hold my feet in Your wounded hands. I couldn't bear to sit at a table while You serve.
Peter got it: "Not just my feet, Lord..." and good for him, but my response is not so wise. I would have cried. I would have begged You not to do it. When You tell me what's at stake I would have hesitated to consider the options, because I don't deserve to have any part of You - least of all at the cost of You kneeling before me. You who are so beautiful...
Renew my mind, Lord! I know You're right and Your ways are perfect, but my soul recoils at the idea! Renew my mind, because I don't understand how You love.
Never! Oh I know You love me and I understand the example You're setting, but please don't do this thing! Wasn't it enough to breathe life into me? To disrobe Yourself of divine glory and forever take on the form of a man? To resist every temptation, knowing that I would give in to so many of the slightest? To spend days bleeding? "Eli, Eli lama sabachthani?!" Wasn't that enough?!
Because it was all done at a distance, but I couldn't bear to see You hold my feet in Your wounded hands. I couldn't bear to sit at a table while You serve.
Peter got it: "Not just my feet, Lord..." and good for him, but my response is not so wise. I would have cried. I would have begged You not to do it. When You tell me what's at stake I would have hesitated to consider the options, because I don't deserve to have any part of You - least of all at the cost of You kneeling before me. You who are so beautiful...
Renew my mind, Lord! I know You're right and Your ways are perfect, but my soul recoils at the idea! Renew my mind, because I don't understand how You love.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Silent Cries
Isaiah 53:7//He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.
I was meditating on this today, and the Holy Spirit showed me an ultra sound. Led to the slaughter, thousands every day, without the opportunity to open their mouths. Silenced by force, because their cries would turn the hearts of a nation back to the Father.
I met a seven year-old girl today who was born three months early. She didn't even weight two pounds when she officially passed from "fetus" to "human." Her mother and older sister have a habit of sticking one foot out from under their blankets when they sleep. While this girl lay in her climate-controled hospital bed, at an age when many of her peers are denied the hope of ever seeing sunlight, one leg found its way out from beneath her blanket.
I was meditating on this today, and the Holy Spirit showed me an ultra sound. Led to the slaughter, thousands every day, without the opportunity to open their mouths. Silenced by force, because their cries would turn the hearts of a nation back to the Father.
I met a seven year-old girl today who was born three months early. She didn't even weight two pounds when she officially passed from "fetus" to "human." Her mother and older sister have a habit of sticking one foot out from under their blankets when they sleep. While this girl lay in her climate-controled hospital bed, at an age when many of her peers are denied the hope of ever seeing sunlight, one leg found its way out from beneath her blanket.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Watch
It's that knot in your stomach that won't go away, and the weight of it sends you crashing to your knees.
It's an intensity that seems to stretch you in every direction in any dimension, and all at the same time.
It's an urgency that makes you want to scream just to scream, just scream - try to force the tension out of you! That makes you search out any spare moment to get alone with Him, even though every spare moment you get alone with Him it gets worse because it's Him getting close that all creation groans for!
It's the anticipation that draws your eyes to the sky as your spirit whispers, "What about now? What about now?" And when the sky remains sealed it's the knot and the urgency all over again, and like an impatient child the gentle response of checking, checking, checking is not enough and you cry out from the back seat, "Are we there yet?! Lord, how much longer?! I'm hungry! I want to get out of here and stretch! Are we there yet?! Abba, how much longer?!"
I just want to worship You, just want to pray, just want to be with You! I want to wash Your feet with my tears because I want to weep before Your throne because You're too good. And if my hair is a glory to me, I'll wipe your feet with it because You are my covering.
It's this burden that weighs on your body, spirit and soul - that's so terribly wonderful I could only ever want more.
It's an intensity that seems to stretch you in every direction in any dimension, and all at the same time.
It's an urgency that makes you want to scream just to scream, just scream - try to force the tension out of you! That makes you search out any spare moment to get alone with Him, even though every spare moment you get alone with Him it gets worse because it's Him getting close that all creation groans for!
It's the anticipation that draws your eyes to the sky as your spirit whispers, "What about now? What about now?" And when the sky remains sealed it's the knot and the urgency all over again, and like an impatient child the gentle response of checking, checking, checking is not enough and you cry out from the back seat, "Are we there yet?! Lord, how much longer?! I'm hungry! I want to get out of here and stretch! Are we there yet?! Abba, how much longer?!"
I just want to worship You, just want to pray, just want to be with You! I want to wash Your feet with my tears because I want to weep before Your throne because You're too good. And if my hair is a glory to me, I'll wipe your feet with it because You are my covering.
It's this burden that weighs on your body, spirit and soul - that's so terribly wonderful I could only ever want more.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Not Room Enough to Contain It
Isaiah 30:18a//Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted ... (v. 19b) He will be very gracious to you at the sound of your cry; When He hears it, He will answer you.
Sometimes I just get a picture of how God loves to bless His children. It's almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Timothy's been wanting a four-color press. It's this fancy-smanshy little machine that will take our silkscreening hobby to a whole new level, and enable us to make Spirit-filled t-shirts that are much cooler than the ones we make now ... in our bathroom.
These presses cost several hundred dollars, however, and I think I already explained how I'm on this crash course to budgeting. I wasn't real excited about it, because I didn't have a vision for the thing he wanted to spend so much money on. We talked and talked and talked about it, and it came down to I don't know, he thinks it's a good idea, and I trust him. He and his boss started shopping around, and he called me today. His boss found not only a four-color press, but a flash dryer and a dryer oven also, for a combined total of $150.
It's almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Sometimes I just get a picture of how God loves to bless His children. It's almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Timothy's been wanting a four-color press. It's this fancy-smanshy little machine that will take our silkscreening hobby to a whole new level, and enable us to make Spirit-filled t-shirts that are much cooler than the ones we make now ... in our bathroom.
These presses cost several hundred dollars, however, and I think I already explained how I'm on this crash course to budgeting. I wasn't real excited about it, because I didn't have a vision for the thing he wanted to spend so much money on. We talked and talked and talked about it, and it came down to I don't know, he thinks it's a good idea, and I trust him. He and his boss started shopping around, and he called me today. His boss found not only a four-color press, but a flash dryer and a dryer oven also, for a combined total of $150.
It's almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Martha, Martha
Luke 10:38-42//Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me." And Jesus answered and said to her,
"Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."
I was reading this last night and my heart went out to Martha. Everyone hearlds Mary for being so captured by Jesus and willing to drop everything to sit at his feet, which is good - go Mary. You know what, though, if 13 grown men (at least, because who knows how many people were following Jesus aruond. You can bet Lazarus was there, so that's at least 14) who had been walking around for days showed up at your house, you'd be expected to feed them and make them comfortable. Jesus might understand if you just sat at his feet, but the other guys would be complaining that they're hungry. It tells us Martha welcomed Him into her house - of course she was going to serve them.
And later, doesn't Jesus wash His guys' feet and tell them that to be first in the Kingdom you have to be a slave of all? Isn't that exactly what Martha was doing? I grew concerned; surely Jesus wouldn't tell Martha not to do something and then, later, tell his disciples to do that same thing.
Everytime we read or talk about this moment, we think of Mary the devoted lover and Martha the worker-bee who didn't realize she was doing the wrong thing. We remember Jesus' answer to Martha as a kind of rebuke, and we try to make it cut-and-dry by catagorizing Mary as "right" and Martha as "wrong." So I looked at it again, and asked Holy Spirit what I was missing.
He told me to look at what Jesus corrected her on. He didn't tell her not to serve. He didn't tell her to stop feeding the guys and sit down; he told her not to worry and be troubled. Yes, serve, but listen to what He's saying while you do it. Don't worry about what someone else is or is not doing, just serve where your service is needed, keep your focus on Him, and love. He loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7), right?
"Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her."
I was reading this last night and my heart went out to Martha. Everyone hearlds Mary for being so captured by Jesus and willing to drop everything to sit at his feet, which is good - go Mary. You know what, though, if 13 grown men (at least, because who knows how many people were following Jesus aruond. You can bet Lazarus was there, so that's at least 14) who had been walking around for days showed up at your house, you'd be expected to feed them and make them comfortable. Jesus might understand if you just sat at his feet, but the other guys would be complaining that they're hungry. It tells us Martha welcomed Him into her house - of course she was going to serve them.
And later, doesn't Jesus wash His guys' feet and tell them that to be first in the Kingdom you have to be a slave of all? Isn't that exactly what Martha was doing? I grew concerned; surely Jesus wouldn't tell Martha not to do something and then, later, tell his disciples to do that same thing.
Everytime we read or talk about this moment, we think of Mary the devoted lover and Martha the worker-bee who didn't realize she was doing the wrong thing. We remember Jesus' answer to Martha as a kind of rebuke, and we try to make it cut-and-dry by catagorizing Mary as "right" and Martha as "wrong." So I looked at it again, and asked Holy Spirit what I was missing.
He told me to look at what Jesus corrected her on. He didn't tell her not to serve. He didn't tell her to stop feeding the guys and sit down; he told her not to worry and be troubled. Yes, serve, but listen to what He's saying while you do it. Don't worry about what someone else is or is not doing, just serve where your service is needed, keep your focus on Him, and love. He loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7), right?
Monday, June 05, 2006
Go
We took the high school youth group evangelizing Friday night. At the end of the first week of summer vacation there were swarms of kids wandering between the movie theather, Starbucks, Taco Bell, etc. The harvest is plentiful.
We broke up into two groups. One group walked around with some of the high schoolers and forced them to talk to people they didn't know. Step number one is getting rid of that fear of man, and I was proud of them.
The other group stood on a corner between the theather and the mini strip-malls and gathered people to them. By the time we joined them, there was quite a crowd and it was by God's grace we didn't get broken up on claims of mob action. There were a few drunk teenagers who would ask questions and then start screaming when they realized we had answers; that was warfare. There were a couple who were uncomfortable with the whole conversation, but actually warmed up after a short while and programmed Timothy's phone number in their cell phones. One of those guys - also a little intoxicated - told us he was embarassed for us. The best was when someone in a red van who had already driven by several times to yell at the crowd, chucked a ham sandwich out the window at our youth pastor. It would have been a solid hit, but he saw it coming and moved almost out of the way. It was a meaty ham sandwich. By the end of the night, though, seven kids prayed with one of the leaders and gave themselves to Jesus Christ. Our youth pastor, who has done a little evangelism in various countries, said of those kids that he's never seen such a hunger in America.
Matthew 9:36-38//But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."
We broke up into two groups. One group walked around with some of the high schoolers and forced them to talk to people they didn't know. Step number one is getting rid of that fear of man, and I was proud of them.
The other group stood on a corner between the theather and the mini strip-malls and gathered people to them. By the time we joined them, there was quite a crowd and it was by God's grace we didn't get broken up on claims of mob action. There were a few drunk teenagers who would ask questions and then start screaming when they realized we had answers; that was warfare. There were a couple who were uncomfortable with the whole conversation, but actually warmed up after a short while and programmed Timothy's phone number in their cell phones. One of those guys - also a little intoxicated - told us he was embarassed for us. The best was when someone in a red van who had already driven by several times to yell at the crowd, chucked a ham sandwich out the window at our youth pastor. It would have been a solid hit, but he saw it coming and moved almost out of the way. It was a meaty ham sandwich. By the end of the night, though, seven kids prayed with one of the leaders and gave themselves to Jesus Christ. Our youth pastor, who has done a little evangelism in various countries, said of those kids that he's never seen such a hunger in America.
Matthew 9:36-38//But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."
Friday, June 02, 2006
Real Men Love Jesus
Timothy is blessed to work in an environment in which he is able to listen to worship CDs and sermons and pray. Today especially, he's the only one in his office. He just sent me the following E-mail:
I miss you. I'm rocking Cory Russel's Ancient Paths (CD available through the One Thing bookstore) ... I'm really falling in love with Him, Lex. It's scary and beautiful - I'm letting go and there is no returning from here. My heart feels it will never be able to bear it. The one thing I've always longed for is the one thing my heart is dying to run from. It's fear is that it will become completely powerless to this Love. Oh, what a wretched Liar my heart is, professing to know and understand love and desire without ever knowing or being willing to go to the source and remain immersed. It screams!!! "You won't be able to breath!!! You'll die there!!! The current is too strong, and you can't touch bottom in this place. No one can hold their breath for that long!"
Then He just whispers to my spirit, "I breath for you here; I am the Breath of life. Your insecure heart only has ideas, and those ideas lead to idol worship where you truly die. I AM. Don't settle any more - break free and run, Run, RUN!!! In My river you don't swim; you don't keep your head above water. I AM the River of Living water; I AM the River of Life. You don't need to breath when you dwell in Life itself. It will sustain you beyond mortal ideology. Your entire understanding of what it takes to be alive has come from dead things. You've mistaken concepts of time and measure as Life. To understand Me those things must be put to death in you. You can't beat them into submission and keep an eye on them. You have to kill them. I Breath for you here, because I AM."
I am undone.
I miss you. I'm rocking Cory Russel's Ancient Paths (CD available through the One Thing bookstore) ... I'm really falling in love with Him, Lex. It's scary and beautiful - I'm letting go and there is no returning from here. My heart feels it will never be able to bear it. The one thing I've always longed for is the one thing my heart is dying to run from. It's fear is that it will become completely powerless to this Love. Oh, what a wretched Liar my heart is, professing to know and understand love and desire without ever knowing or being willing to go to the source and remain immersed. It screams!!! "You won't be able to breath!!! You'll die there!!! The current is too strong, and you can't touch bottom in this place. No one can hold their breath for that long!"
Then He just whispers to my spirit, "I breath for you here; I am the Breath of life. Your insecure heart only has ideas, and those ideas lead to idol worship where you truly die. I AM. Don't settle any more - break free and run, Run, RUN!!! In My river you don't swim; you don't keep your head above water. I AM the River of Living water; I AM the River of Life. You don't need to breath when you dwell in Life itself. It will sustain you beyond mortal ideology. Your entire understanding of what it takes to be alive has come from dead things. You've mistaken concepts of time and measure as Life. To understand Me those things must be put to death in you. You can't beat them into submission and keep an eye on them. You have to kill them. I Breath for you here, because I AM."
I am undone.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Favor
Timothy and I went to buy a computer last night. Drove all the way out to the Apple store in the mall, wandered around a bit trying to avoid sales people we didn't trust, and called Marky for the inside scoop because neither of us have ever owned a Mac before. We settled on a purchase a little bigger than we'd intended and prayed over the display as Armando went to see if they had that one in stock. By the time our new MacBook Pro (fancy-smanshy) was on the counter in front of us we both felt peacefully about it (as peaceful as you can feel about spending that much money on anything).
My credit card limit could not have bought a printer at the Apple store, so I had the bank card that my mom and I share. Armando - apparently shooting for employee of the month - needed something with my signature on it, which of course was miles away in the car. Timothy sprinted.
It was like a bad after-school drama. The moment he left I looked down at the card (and I wish I could say it all happened in slow motion, but it really didn't) with my maiden name on it. Hmm. An ID and a credit card with two different last names on them seems fishy to me, and I'm no where near as savvy as Armando. What do you do when you've missed a mid-week service and paid a toll, only to find all signs pointing to "scam artist?" You pray.
I paced between the counter and the hall whispering in tongues and giving the Pro - with its built-in video camera and its beautiful, probably 50-million DPI screen - right back to Jesus. I told Him I wasn't worried, because if this is the computer we are meant to have I knew we would not leave the store without it.
That's when Armando decided he wanted to go home. His shift ended an hour ago and, darn it, he was tired. I did not object, and the girl who stepped up to finish our transaction seemed more concerned about losing Armando his commission than the two different names on the cards. I paused for a second considering which last name to sign and we left with our new Mac.
My credit card limit could not have bought a printer at the Apple store, so I had the bank card that my mom and I share. Armando - apparently shooting for employee of the month - needed something with my signature on it, which of course was miles away in the car. Timothy sprinted.
It was like a bad after-school drama. The moment he left I looked down at the card (and I wish I could say it all happened in slow motion, but it really didn't) with my maiden name on it. Hmm. An ID and a credit card with two different last names on them seems fishy to me, and I'm no where near as savvy as Armando. What do you do when you've missed a mid-week service and paid a toll, only to find all signs pointing to "scam artist?" You pray.
I paced between the counter and the hall whispering in tongues and giving the Pro - with its built-in video camera and its beautiful, probably 50-million DPI screen - right back to Jesus. I told Him I wasn't worried, because if this is the computer we are meant to have I knew we would not leave the store without it.
That's when Armando decided he wanted to go home. His shift ended an hour ago and, darn it, he was tired. I did not object, and the girl who stepped up to finish our transaction seemed more concerned about losing Armando his commission than the two different names on the cards. I paused for a second considering which last name to sign and we left with our new Mac.
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