preach it

Graham Jones blessed us again last night before moving on to revive and encourage another body of believers in the U.S. (That's not Graham, by the way, that's his daughter. She's cuter than Graham.) Some of my notes:

He talked about building a culture of revival. Preparing a people so when revival hits we (first) recognize it and (second) are able to sustain it. That was cool because we talked about that very thing recently at a meeting of the musicians over fried food. Good to know it wasn't just the calamari talking. (Because that would have been creepy ... haha. I'm stopping ... but laughing at my own bad joke anyway.)

My favorite part was this little, mind blowing revelation about the man with the demon-possessed son. Read. I always read that (and heard other people teach that) as though that particular demon only came out by prayer and fasting. Graham explained he has a different theory. Jesus isn't talking about the demon in verse 20, so it's odd to think He would have jumped back to it without clarifying in the next verse ... He's not schizophrenic. Graham proposed that Jesus was talking about "this kind" of unbelief - since He's talking about unbelief - only comes out through prayer and fasting. That makes so much sense, and just exploded a little something in my head when he said it.

Also neat: The last word of the Old Testament is "curse." The first word of Jesus' first sermon is, "blessed." My buddy, Titus, is reading his Bible cover to cover. He was telling me last night that he's in Micah now and is really excited because he can "almost see the red letters." I think sometimes we don't realize the full measure of the blessing and grace that was poured out on the earth through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ because we never really lived in the Old Covenant system. We become believers and step right into the better covenant.

It was fun, too, because He's been speaking to me a bit about the beatitudes. I think it's time to perhaps do a little more study.

PS- I'm speaking to the youth tomorrow night. Please keep us in your prayers.

humility?

I've been praying for a humble spirit, really only for a few days but I think it's one of those prayers that the Lord just jumps on. It's starting to hit me in my prayer time, and I'm almost not sure how to deal with it.

Yesterday morning, for example, it was really hard to even bring myself before the Lord at all. I sat down in front of the couch like I always do and was suddenly aware of how completely holy He is, and how completely holy I am not. I had all the right scripture in my head about coming boldly before the throne, and His dying while I was a sinner, the grace of His blood shed, etc. It still took me a little while to get in there, although I can honestly say I did not fall into condemnation in the process.

This morning was worse because I was thinking about yesterday. Still feeling very unworthy, but at the same time knowing by experience that He wants to be with me anyway.

What do you do? You can't love Him back enough. You can't do anything to earn or deserve His love. At the same time that's not an excuse to backslide and give up, because the last thing you want to do is break His heart that way. I'm hedged in.

Christmas music

Why is every Christian Christmas song (which should be redundant, but it's not) slow and quiet? Isn't this a celebration of the night that hope finally entered the world? Aren't we remembering the night that began our escape from eternal damnation? Doesn't Christmas commemorate the moment in time when the God of heaven and earth disrobed Himself of the glory of the eternal throne room, and forever adopted the physical form of a man just so he could suffer and die for love? And aren't we the rescued? The redeemed? The saved? The beloved He came for? Aren't we excited about this? Songwriters aren't, evidently; songwriters are excited about Santa Clause.

Why do they all sound like lullabies? I read through the lyrics of Away in a Manger recently and decided it's a bad song. It might be a classic, but it's a bad classic. It's like we're trying to sing baby Jesus to sleep year, after year, after year. First of all, He's not a baby anymore, and even when He was - physically - a newborn, He wasn't a newborn you pass around to aunties. He was a newborn you bring expensive gifts to and worship. He was a newborn with a plan to defeat all the forces of hell.

Such is the plight of a youth worship leader trying to find a whole set of Christmas songs that won't bore Jr. High students to death. Or worship leaders. I can handle a few, but this is supposed to be exciting, right?

long time ...

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend. Let's see how quickly I can catch you up:

We spent some quality time with Jeff and Bianca. Mini-Bianca has a new trick:


Timothy's twin brother Joe announced at Thanksgiving that he's getting married. Congratulations, Joe.

We adopted a new bass amp. The thing's a beast. "Bought" doesn't really do it justice. One review we read complimented its durability by proposing that if you drop the thing out of a 4th story window it'll crack the sidewalk.


I was thinking of all the things we could use it for around the apartment:
> Coffee table
> Kitchen chair
> Computer table
This is me and amp bonding:



Other than that we're back to work and trying not to think about it. Christmas is coming and I'm trying to convince Timothy that Christmas trees aren't pagan anymore because I went out with my parents to get their tree and fell in love with every little, half-bare, crooked, "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" in the lot. Due to droughts in recent summers past, there were several.

Oh, and Graham Jones is in the house. He brought his family all the way from France this time, and his small children wanted to know yesterday why everyone was speaking English. Talk about jet lag. Ha. Graham's awesome: if you're in the northern Chicago land area you're going to want to be at Church in the Word on Wednesday night at 7 p.m.!

And I'm done. Perhaps there will be more substance tomorrow.

deal

I know, I know - this is completely lame: I'm blogging someone else's blog, but its good darn it. Really, I'm doing this for you, because if you're not regularly reading Pastor Zahnd's blog (you should be) you'd miss this ... and I just don't have anything else to offer you this morning.

Brian Zahnd takes a group from his church to Isreal every year. They head home today, but he's been blogging from the holy land (the pictures are breathtaking). The post today is amazing. I admit it: I got choked up; I got teary-eyed. Alright? A snippet:

Let us return to the garden where Jesus had been laid in the tomb:

"But Mary Magdalene stood outside the tomb weeping, and as she wept she stooped down and looked into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white sitting one at the head and the other at the feet where the body of Jesus had been." ~John 20:11-12

Do you know what Mary Magdalene is seeing as she sees two angels sitting where the body of Jesus had been?

She is seeing the new mercy seat. In the Old Covenant the mercy seat was the solid gold lid on the top of the Ark of the Covenant which received the blood of atonement and was covered by the wings of the cherubim at each end. The angels sitting at the head and feet of where the body of Jesus had lain signify that Jesus Himself is the new mercy seat of the new covenant!

That was a revelation to me, anyway. There's an absolutely wonderful quote from G.K. Chesterton too, but I'm not going to bite Brian's blog anymore. You'll have to check it out yourself.

kindred spirit

Kelly called me last night ... from Crystal Lake! Hooray. I left immediately for Starbucks.

Some friends you need to see several times a week or the friendship would quickly become an acquaintance. Some friends it seems the Lord saves for just the right moments, and there doesn't need to be anything else - like the relationship has been divinly established and time is not necessary to maintain it.

We both unloaded some burdens - because sometimes you need someone who understands, but is not involved in a situation to really listen (or really get you to hear what the Lord would say about it). We encouraged, exorted, theologized (I just made that up), and rebuked each other in and by the Lord. We prayed for a while in my car. She never once asked when Timothy and I are going to have kids. I want all of my "hang out" time to look like that: Bible open on the table, conversation centered around the eternal, and some good prayer.

[no title]

I really wanted to log on today and be uplifting and encouraging, but I'm burdened and I'm dying and I can't pretend.

Of course it's good to be burdened and dying, but there's really nothing inspirational I can think to write about it.

I'm absolutely burdened for the teenagers in my life. I thought I'd been burdened for something before because there was this violent desperation in my spirit for a couple of days. That's not a burden; that's a backpack. I can't stop thinking about the youth leader meeting we had last Friday night, or the kids and the circumstances that came up, or the ones I'm directly involved with/responsible for to some extent ... What can I do? What can I absolutely NOT do? How do I pray about this? I don't know that I have ever prayed so fervently for anything - even things and people that, in the natural, seem like they should be much closer to my heart.

I'm reading Rees Howells' story and dying in the process. I was reading before service Sunday morning about the amazing financial sacrifice the Lord asked of him (Rees was told not to ask for a need he could fulfill himself. All that Rees had became God's, so if someone needed finances and Rees had enough, he was to give before he asked for the Lord's help.) It felt as though my spirit stretched absolutely outside of me to try to get at something like that, but I didn't say anything - not even a silent prayer. At the end of the service the Holy Spirit asked for an extravagent offering. He practically laughed off the first argument that rose up in my heart ("How will we pay bills this month?"), and silenced the second ("We're trying to save something for a house someday.") with a poignant question: "If I asked you to live out the rest of your days in that little apartment and give all of your surplus, would you do it?" Ouch. Fine.

So that's how I'm doing. I'm burdened in one arena and dying in another. Hallelujah.

this means war

So we went to ATF and they talked and talked and talked about the spiritual war going on. I knew that. It is a frequent reference of mine in my time with the Lord. I'm on board with the "war" mentality. Or so I thought.

I started Rees Howells' biography (Intercessor - still highly recommending it). The Lord used this guy to pray out His plan, and actually shape the course of World War II. Rees' entire life story is pretty riviting, but if someone asks who Rees Howells was, the common short answer is, "This amazing intercessor who was used by God to determine the events/outcome of WWII."

Friday night I started reading Battle Cry for a Generation, by Ron Luce (the guy who heads up Teen Mania ... the ministry that brings you ATF and Battle Cry events). They really promoted the book at ATF, but I wasn't really going to read it because ... well I've got a bunch to read right now. Then, after our youth ministry meeting Friday night, Tim just handed them out and said, "Please read this." Luce's initial reference - and throughout at least the first five chapters, his most frequent - is World War II. Hmm.

It's not going to take me two weeks to get it this time. I get it. I'm in. It's going to be huge - are we ready? I'm convinced the next two years are crucial. Luce would tell you the next five (because in five years the largest generation this country has ever seen will be out of their impressionable teenage years, and will have become the force governing the most powerful nation in the world), but I'm planning on two. If it's five, fine; plan for two just in case.

2 Kings 13:14-20//Elisha had become sick with the illness of which he would die. Then Joash the king of Israel came down to him, and wept over his face, and said, "O my father, my father, the chariots of Israel and their horsemen!" And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows" So he took himself a bow and some arrows... And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground;" so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times." Then Elisha died, and they buried him. And the raiding bands from Moab invaded the land in the spring of the year.

jealous

So I started Rees Howell's biography - against my better judgement - and I've read five chapters since last night. I'm completely jealous. So completely jealous. Not even in a cute way - in a try-not-to-be-outright-angry-with-God way.

This man saw Jesus resurrected. He understood the language of Revelation because he experienced a similar thing. Then, then, before he's even Spirit-filled he has this five-day meeting with the Person the Holy Spirit (Satan even made a subtle appearance at this thing). I tell you it's one of the most amazing suspense stories I've ever read and it probably wasn't 10 pages long. You know when I was learning about the baptism in the Spirit I had to hear about it from men; Rees got a private conference with the Man.

I realize that with a greater annointing comes greater responsibility and all that, but right now I'm just blindly jealous. (It is, actually, and amazing story of the Holy Spirit walking him through sacrificing every fiber of his being. I'm only on chapter six, but I highly recommend it.) Not that there's anything wrong with responsibility if you take care of it ... but I'm going to go ahead and put my foot in my mouth right here.

So why didn't I get a week long private audience when He wanted me to pray, huh? Because I tell you what: that would have catapulted me into this thing much more efficiently than two weeks of nagging reminders.

I'm jealous. (It's okay, though, because He's even more jealous for me.)

i get it!

It's great (and sometimes irritating to the flesh, if I can just be perfectly honest) when the Lord is really trying to communicate something to you. Of course, the Lord probably shouldn't have to really try to communicate something to me, because I should just listen and hop on board the first time. That was an epiphany right there.

Last Sunday Tim handed us a sermon CD from when Jay Fallon spoke at faith week last March. Title: The Power of Being with Him. Conviction confirmed.

A week ago yesterday Pastor gave a wonderful message on how NOT to respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Conviction corrected.

Monday night I had my trying time with the Holy Spirit and painfully worked some things out of my heart. Conviction ceded.

Yesterday afternoon I listened to a message titled Christ Followers by Shea Strickland at Word of Life Church. Conviction combusted.

Last night Pastor touched on the issue of subtle rebellion and how it prevents the Holy Spirit from working in our lives. (And in case you weren't there last night - this Sunday's going to be a "humdinger" of a service - that's a direct quote. I recommend a lot of repentance between now and then, and make sure you come Sunday morning with a teachable spirit.) Conviction conspicuous.

I got up early again this morning to pray. I was doing it and then I slacked off, but I'm back. I repented a lot myself. I finally finished David Brainerd's diaries, and now the book that's next to my Bible in my messenger bag is Rees Howells' biography subtitled: Intercessor. I'm afraid to crack the cover ... seriously.

Is this anyone else? I'm sure it's not just me the Lord is calling into a deeper place of prayer and intimacy in this hour. Anyone?

eat steak

We got into a really deep conversation on the way home from practice last night about vegetarianism and steak and food in heaven. The question then became, "Is there steak in heaven?" Spiritual beings vs. manna vs. the banquet vs. "food you know not of" etc. The only conclusion we came to was, "If there is it's good and if there's not you won't miss it."

My favorite part of the conversation, though, was a comment that went something like, "Okay, so you know God's glory is just radiating everywhere?! I bet if there's steak in heaven God's glory just cooks it! And then it's got to be perfect because, I mean, it's cooked by the glory of God!" I hadn't ever considered that the lightning that proceeds from the throne does so in microwaves, but who really knows?

(And if you were looking for something spiritual, I recommend Brian Zahnd's latest blog entry. It's phenominal. I love the implication in the last paragraph about Roman's road.)

heart of stone or flesh?

Lamentations 3:22-24// Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

I had a rather trying time with the Lord last night, confessing some of those really deep things that no one else sees. It's easier to say, "Lord, I did this and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." than to say, "Lord, I am this way, my heart believes these things, and I want to change; I will change, and I'll start right now."

It was Jesus vs. my heart, really. The complication here is that I am responsible for my heart, and my heart is wickedly decietful. Jesus knows the secrets of my heart better than I do, but I cannot voluntarily lay my heart on His alter unless I know what I'm laying down. If you brought a dog to an Old Testament priest for a peace offering he'd tell you the dog won't cut it and send the two of you home. Maybe it was really me vs. my heart, then, as I tried desperately to dig out and uproot my deeper motives and convictions.

For example I think it's absolutely possible to fake a certain amount of passion. Am I passionate? I can write and speak passionately, but does that make me passionate? I want to die to myself so Christ can really live in me, so I can really be used of God but why? Is it really to see His kingdom come, or is it because I'm a human being who is naturally attracted to power? If I had to die to myself so someone else could be used mightily of God, would I do it? Do I strive to live as a good Christian so Jesus will be proud of me, or so my church leadership will be proud of me? I'm not sure, to be completely honest, because doing it 99% for Jesus and 1% in case Jay Fallon comes back is not good enough.

By the time I finally went to bed last night I think I was in a good place with the Lord. Hallelujah that His mercies and His compassions are new every morning.

we adopted

This is Sreemonta. I really want to adopt from India, and I think this is as close as we'll ever get (India wants you to prove infertility as an adoption requirement, and I'm not infertile.)

Compassion International had a table set up at ATF. There were probably 30 8 1/2 x 5 1/2" clear plastic envelopes with pictures of cute kids on them - how could I not stop and browse? Of course if you stop and look, it does a little tug on your heart (because that's what it's supposed to do). I stood there and thought to myself, "Alright, if there's one in India." There was ... one. I was sure if I'd asked for two there would have been two.

I did a little homework too, because I'm paranoid about "charities" that use pictures of cute kids to fund the organizer's lifestyles. Maybe "paranoid" is the wrong word: I'm aware that they exist and refuse to have any part in them. I've heard it said that if you give out of a kind, compassionate heart it doesn't matter what the organization does with the money, really, because you've done the best you can. Bull. With such wonderful resources as Charity Navigator it's my opinion that you are responsible for taking 10 minutes to find out what's happening with your finances.

But Compassion International checks out. For $32/month the kid gets an education, a balanced diet, medicine if needed, basic necessities like shoes, and (best of all) a Bible eductation. They work through local churches, so it's all done in the name of Jesus, not Compassion International. I dig it. I wrote our first letter to Sreemonta yesterday.

as i was saying

ATF was a good time. It definately sparked something in our youth, and I pray and pray that it continues to burn in them. It's easy to get excited with a couple thousand of your peers who agree with you, but its hard to maintain that day to day in public schools. I'm confident that same thing is on our youth pastor's heart, so we're working toward that end.

The best part about ATF - for me - was the encouragement I found in the Holy Spirit. I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now, and I have a divine new focus on it. That sounds like, "Oh good, it's good when the Lord encourages us that we're in the right place. Dum de dum." I tell you, though, it was (as the song puts it) like water to my soul - like I could suddenly breathe and I didn't realize I was suffocating. I can't explain the relief I've enjoyed these past days.

I'd been in such a turmoil about being really unhappy at my job, but it pays well so what do you do? I love the youth and I love the worship team, but I have an apartment a husband and a full-time job to look after too so that there isn't a moment I don't have three things to do so what do you do? In my desperation to spend some time with my Lord I have an expensive computer program I still don't know how to use and a sewing machine that's still in the box, so what do you do? I was a little overwhelmed and a lot lost, but He spoke to me last weekend and assured me that He wants me with the youth right now. It was like one of my godfather's bear hugs that wrap you up so completely and so tight that you feel like nothing bad can get to you there. "You're doing fine, and you're in the right ministry right now. I'll move you when I want you to move. I'd like to see you more often, and all these things will be added unto you. Relax." *sigh*

So my focus is Him and His kids. Yes I have to work at this job for a little while more because life causes bills, but He has a plan and I'll be out of here as soon as that plan allows. (In the meantime, if this is the plan its the best place I can be no matter how terrible it seems.) Yes there are other things I have to take care of at the same time, but now I can see that I do what I have to do so my priority can be loving Him and loving this ministry.

prepare your hearts

Voters Reject South Dakota Abortion Ban

In a ... setback for conservatives, South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions ...

Nationwide, a total of 205 measures were on the ballots Tuesday in 37 states, but none had riveted political activists across the country like the South Dakota measure. Passed overwhelmingly by the legislature earlier this year, it would have been the toughest abortion law in the nation, allowing the procedure only to save a pregnant woman's life.

The whole story is here. I'll be checking Bound4Life all day too, waiting to hear from Lou. There's going to be hell to pay for this in the next few years. Pray, pray, pray.

Deuteronomy 9:13//You must purge from Israel the guilt of shedding innocent blood, so that it may go well with you.

Luke 11:23//He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters. (Jesus likes babies, by the way ... alive.)

I don't even have anything intelligent to write that I haven't already written once. I'm just dumbfounded. In an hour when our enemies are becoming more and more powerful, we are more and more foresaking the only One who can protect and keep us. And then when it happens America will turn and blame "god."

It is making the Bible more alive, though. Sometimes I read Exodus and wonder how Israel can constantly rebel and gripe against the Lord despite all His provision and mercy, but here we have it. I read Jeremiah and wonder how these kings constantly reject God's warning and mercy, but its right in front of me now. Sometimes I read through Revelation and other accounts of His return and wonder how in the world anyone will be able to hate Him to His glorious face, but I can see it starting already. Pray, pray, pray.

election day

... did you?

"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." - John Quincy Adams

ammo

We took about 20 students from our youth ministry to the Aquire the Fire conference in Chicago last weekend. More about the event and our kids tomorrow, but here are some interesting things I learned:

//1 in 11 teenagers attempts suicide each year, and each year about 2000 succeed.

//40% of teenagers have experimented with self-mutilation.

//1 in 10 high school girls have been raped.

//By the time the average child graduates from high school, he/she will have watched 19,000 hours of TV including about 200,000 sexual acts and 1 million acts of violence.

//40% of "born again" teens believe Jesus sinned.

//90% of teenagers have been subject to pop-up porn while doing homework online.

//240,000 teenagers get pregnant in America each year, and 1/3 of those preganacies end in abortion.

Why? Because sex sells. This generation of teenagers is the largest our nation has ever seen, and they have more disposable income than any that has gone before. They're looking for an identity and a purpose (like every other teenager in the world), and MTV made $1 billion dollars last year selling them an identity that's easy to conform to.

More importantly, because the church is not providing an alternative. Most churches don't really value their youth ministries at all (not at CITW, though!); we had a room full of over 100 youth pastors and leaders, and the vast, vast majority of them are working on a 100% volunteer basis. Most youth ministries are completely under-funded. Most Sunday morning services are boring, and completely unapplicable to teenage lives. There's no passion in the church, and I know of my own peers (the now 20-somethings) that if it wasn't worth dying for we weren't really interested.

Are we living examples of the adventure it is to live a true Christian lifestyle? Are we passionate enough about our King to inspire that passion in people who are literally dying for something to be passionate about? If not, we don't really have any right to complain 20 years down the road when America starts to look a lot like Europe is looking.

state of us

Timothy left this morning to experience Reinhard Bonnke at Word of Life Church's 25th anniversary in St. Joseph, Missouri. He's driving (it's almost nine hours) with his twin brother, Joe, whom he has never really had a relationship with. I'm excited - he's excited too - and praying that 18 hours of driving (with no CD player in the car) will be a time of healing and restoration for both of them.

And for me I'm just praying for time. I think I spent less than an hour alone with my Lord yesterday, and that kills me. I know there are bigger and better things for me than what I am currently experiencing, and deeper caverns of His heart that I can be familiar with. I'm sure there is more for me to do and be and understand, and I just hope I'm not behind. I don't want to be late and I don't want to miss anything, but it seems impossible right now: 45 hour work week, two worship teams, an apartment and husband to take care of ... I can do all things through Christ, right? Maybe I can just quit sleeping.

youth on the move

I read this yesterday on the Battle Cry website, and smiled. This was a youth group in Florida:

As Caite tells the story:

One person at a time we went into Victoria Secret, saying "Hey! These posters really offend us. Can you please take them down?"

Of course their first reaction was, "No!! Get out of our store."

But we did not give up! After the 30th person went in there, they were getting kind of angry. You could see their faces change as they stood there.

So we all prayed hardcore! Asking God to give us strength as we went in there all together. After praying, all 30 of us went into Victoria Secret and we said "These posters offend all of us! Please take them down!"

Then all of a sudden there was a sense of peace in the room.

THEY TOOK DOWN THE POSTERS!!

It's good to know that there are teenagers out there willing to take a stand even if the world thinks its silly.