I've been praying for a humble spirit, really only for a few days but I think it's one of those prayers that the Lord just jumps on. It's starting to hit me in my prayer time, and I'm almost not sure how to deal with it.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was really hard to even bring myself before the Lord at all. I sat down in front of the couch like I always do and was suddenly aware of how completely holy He is, and how completely holy I am not. I had all the right scripture in my head about coming boldly before the throne, and His dying while I was a sinner, the grace of His blood shed, etc. It still took me a little while to get in there, although I can honestly say I did not fall into condemnation in the process.
This morning was worse because I was thinking about yesterday. Still feeling very unworthy, but at the same time knowing by experience that He wants to be with me anyway.
What do you do? You can't love Him back enough. You can't do anything to earn or deserve His love. At the same time that's not an excuse to backslide and give up, because the last thing you want to do is break His heart that way. I'm hedged in.