My schedule for work got moved today - for reasons too inconsequential to explain - so I'm working from noon to 9pm. That meant I had all morning to myself (and the Lord), and man, if I were a permanent housewife I would be dangerous. I made and cut 30 copies of my zine, dropped off a check in the next town, established two Roth IRAs, did a little grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, and baked a cake. That's right: a cake - a layered cake to boot.
I think I'm missing a prayer meeting with my friends right now, though, which is fine. Really, I'm okay with it. Totally okay ... the toddler in me wants to say it wouldn't matter because it's not like He's currently meeting me in my prayer time, but I ground the toddler to inner monologue becuase it's okay - I'm pushing through.
So there's no great revelation to share today, but if you want to come over for chocolate cake you're welcome.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Waiting
The India zine is done, hallelujah. Now I just have to print it.
I seem to be in a holding period right now, so forgive me if the blog hasn't been real fun. He refuses to encounter me. It's odd because I know all the right things to say about it and all the reasons why (I've read Deep Unto Deep twice now), but it's still a struggle. I know He's drawing me out, teaching me to press in, cultivating a hunger in my spirit if I'll allow it and not just give up ... but I still catch my heart in bitter complaint. I still catch my flesh trying to just sleep in this time - why bother getting up early if He's not going to meet you there? I still consider it, even though I know it's typical wrong response to what is happening. Weird. Don't worry, though, I'm pushing through.
"By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought Him, but I did not find Him. 'I will rise now,' I said, 'And go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.' I sought Him, but I did not find Him. The watchmen who go about the city found me; I said, 'Have you seen the One I love?' Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the One I love. I held Him and would not let Him go ..." (Song of Solomon 3:1-3)
I seem to be in a holding period right now, so forgive me if the blog hasn't been real fun. He refuses to encounter me. It's odd because I know all the right things to say about it and all the reasons why (I've read Deep Unto Deep twice now), but it's still a struggle. I know He's drawing me out, teaching me to press in, cultivating a hunger in my spirit if I'll allow it and not just give up ... but I still catch my heart in bitter complaint. I still catch my flesh trying to just sleep in this time - why bother getting up early if He's not going to meet you there? I still consider it, even though I know it's typical wrong response to what is happening. Weird. Don't worry, though, I'm pushing through.
"By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought Him, but I did not find Him. 'I will rise now,' I said, 'And go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.' I sought Him, but I did not find Him. The watchmen who go about the city found me; I said, 'Have you seen the One I love?' Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the One I love. I held Him and would not let Him go ..." (Song of Solomon 3:1-3)
Friday, August 25, 2006
Blue Balloon
The Lord is good at symbolism. I already explained my position that God is the ultimate author, and for someone who considers herself a literature enthusiast (or one who would be if she could find the time) it's fun.
I was a bit sullen yesterday - everything that I'd been fighting off all week hit me yesterday in a well orchestrated ambush - and the fact that I had to drive to work in a gray, gloomy down-pour wasn't real encouraging. Twenty-five minutes into it, though, as I was getting into McHenry, a fairly large, blue balloon dodged the truck in front of me and bounced along down the side of the road, keeping pace with my car for a moment.
Watching it out the passenger window I was amazed, first, that anything could bounce in that kind of weather. BAM! Condemnation. The enemy started accussing me of giving in to this little bout of depression and not letting the joy of the Lord be my strength, etc. Wonderful, now I'm sad and in sin - this is going to be a great day.
My second thought - because now I'm just embittered - was that a really dramatic effect would have been to make it a red balloon. Gottcha on that one, God. Then I realized that not only was the environment unpleasant, the balloon itself was blue ... but still bouncing. He was right there to hold me: don't feel bad for being a little down. You can have joy any time you want it, but if you're tired and overwhelmed and you just want to sigh instead of smile it's okay to cry on My shoulder - I won't call you a bad Christian, or your faith weak. It's okay to be a little blue when you're getting rained on, just keep bouncing - be faithful in your duties and passionate for your God - and you'll be fine.
The rest of my day was miserable, but I feel alright about it.
I was a bit sullen yesterday - everything that I'd been fighting off all week hit me yesterday in a well orchestrated ambush - and the fact that I had to drive to work in a gray, gloomy down-pour wasn't real encouraging. Twenty-five minutes into it, though, as I was getting into McHenry, a fairly large, blue balloon dodged the truck in front of me and bounced along down the side of the road, keeping pace with my car for a moment.
Watching it out the passenger window I was amazed, first, that anything could bounce in that kind of weather. BAM! Condemnation. The enemy started accussing me of giving in to this little bout of depression and not letting the joy of the Lord be my strength, etc. Wonderful, now I'm sad and in sin - this is going to be a great day.
My second thought - because now I'm just embittered - was that a really dramatic effect would have been to make it a red balloon. Gottcha on that one, God. Then I realized that not only was the environment unpleasant, the balloon itself was blue ... but still bouncing. He was right there to hold me: don't feel bad for being a little down. You can have joy any time you want it, but if you're tired and overwhelmed and you just want to sigh instead of smile it's okay to cry on My shoulder - I won't call you a bad Christian, or your faith weak. It's okay to be a little blue when you're getting rained on, just keep bouncing - be faithful in your duties and passionate for your God - and you'll be fine.
The rest of my day was miserable, but I feel alright about it.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Salvation?
I've been kind of meditating on the concept of salvation lately. My contention has been this:
Romans 10:9//... that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
vs.
Matthew 33:38//And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
I know a lot of Christians (and even more pseudo-Christians) who use Romans to assure their salvation even though they may not necessarily be doing their best to live a Christian life. I nod my head and think, "Yup, that's what the Bible says, so I guess you're good." It makes salvation pretty easy: McSalvation, if you will.
Then I read passages like Matthew 33:38, and that makes it sound harder. To me, Matthew 33 is, "Go to the cross or go home," but a lot of Romans 10:9 Christians wouldn't be worthy of Christ by the standard set forth in Matthew 33:38 (and I'm not trying to be righteous here, there are days when I don't like to admit which camp I'm probably in).
I sought the Lord on the matter and do you know what He told me? "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." At first that seemed to support Romans without addressing Matthew and I was a little disappointed. Then I looked it up.
That phrase appears three times in scripture: Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, and Romans 10:13. In Acts and Romans the author/speaker is quoting Joel, so we turn to Joel for the initial context. I'll let you look it up (v. 31 and 32), but it's talking about the "great and terrible day of the Lord." It's talking about calling on the name of the Lord in a time when you may be immediately martyred for doing so. Then I realized that Romans 10:9 was written during a time when you may have been martyred for confessing with your mouth the Lord Jesus.
My conclusion is this: If one will call upon the name of the Lord, and confess His diety - under threat of torture and/or death - one will be saved. Hence taking up the cross. Your comments are welcome.
Romans 10:9//... that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
vs.
Matthew 33:38//And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
I know a lot of Christians (and even more pseudo-Christians) who use Romans to assure their salvation even though they may not necessarily be doing their best to live a Christian life. I nod my head and think, "Yup, that's what the Bible says, so I guess you're good." It makes salvation pretty easy: McSalvation, if you will.
Then I read passages like Matthew 33:38, and that makes it sound harder. To me, Matthew 33 is, "Go to the cross or go home," but a lot of Romans 10:9 Christians wouldn't be worthy of Christ by the standard set forth in Matthew 33:38 (and I'm not trying to be righteous here, there are days when I don't like to admit which camp I'm probably in).
I sought the Lord on the matter and do you know what He told me? "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." At first that seemed to support Romans without addressing Matthew and I was a little disappointed. Then I looked it up.
That phrase appears three times in scripture: Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, and Romans 10:13. In Acts and Romans the author/speaker is quoting Joel, so we turn to Joel for the initial context. I'll let you look it up (v. 31 and 32), but it's talking about the "great and terrible day of the Lord." It's talking about calling on the name of the Lord in a time when you may be immediately martyred for doing so. Then I realized that Romans 10:9 was written during a time when you may have been martyred for confessing with your mouth the Lord Jesus.
My conclusion is this: If one will call upon the name of the Lord, and confess His diety - under threat of torture and/or death - one will be saved. Hence taking up the cross. Your comments are welcome.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
When you see these things ...
Yes, that's Madonna. "For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am the Christ' and will decieve many" (Matthew 24:5).
"knowing this first: that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts" (2 Peter 3:3).
"Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants ..." (Revelation 2:20)
"But He was wounded for our transgression ... bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet he opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth" (Isaiah 53:5-7)
Friday, August 18, 2006
Pray Without Ceasing
I just want to pray ... b/c I just want to be with Him. I don't want to go to work, and I don't want to clean my apartment. I just want to sit at His feet and listen to Him talk about whatever is on His heart to talk about.
A woman in our office got healed yesterday. It was an amazing miracle: swollen disc and a bone spur that was about to cause permanent nerve damage and perpetual pain. You know what, though? I don't even want to talk about it, because it's not as good as talking to Him. I love healing; I have a serious contention to move in that gifting that goes back to my days as a heathen. But healing is boring compared to His face.
Two weeks in India demonstrated the unmatchable power and love of my Lord, but signs and wonders are really starting to take their rightful (second) place in my heart. We know, and we say, that signs and wonders are to confirm or validate the gospel, but as a baby Christian these past two years I wonder if I hadn't made signs and wonders the gospel. We get really excited when a criple stands and walks in the name of Jesus, but when someone gets saved we kind of pat him on the back and say, "Good job." I think my heart is really starting to understand, and really starting to want more than simple miracles.
I, like I said, really want to move more in the gift of healing, but I'd give it all to someone else's faithful hands if it meant He'd encounter me in my quiet time - if I could walk with Him in the cool of every day.
A woman in our office got healed yesterday. It was an amazing miracle: swollen disc and a bone spur that was about to cause permanent nerve damage and perpetual pain. You know what, though? I don't even want to talk about it, because it's not as good as talking to Him. I love healing; I have a serious contention to move in that gifting that goes back to my days as a heathen. But healing is boring compared to His face.
Two weeks in India demonstrated the unmatchable power and love of my Lord, but signs and wonders are really starting to take their rightful (second) place in my heart. We know, and we say, that signs and wonders are to confirm or validate the gospel, but as a baby Christian these past two years I wonder if I hadn't made signs and wonders the gospel. We get really excited when a criple stands and walks in the name of Jesus, but when someone gets saved we kind of pat him on the back and say, "Good job." I think my heart is really starting to understand, and really starting to want more than simple miracles.
I, like I said, really want to move more in the gift of healing, but I'd give it all to someone else's faithful hands if it meant He'd encounter me in my quiet time - if I could walk with Him in the cool of every day.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Pro-Israel Christians?
I only had a few minutes (b/c how long could it possibly take to make a tall chai latte?) to let my eyes dart over the headlines on three choice newspapers stacked beside the counter. Two above-the-fold articles promised scandalous news about a rash group of Messianic Jews with influence in the media pumping out pro-Israel commercials that appear to be targeting Christians. Before I make the obvious comments, can I make this one: it's pitiful that anyone needs to produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda targeting Christians; Christians should understand covenant and, thus, already be gung-ho pro-Israel.
That said, the tone of both of these articles (at least the first three paragraphs of each b/c those baristas are quick) was one of shocked disdain that someone would produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda, and especially that they would aim to brainwash the poor, innocent Christians into thinking God has some special plan for the horrible (sic) little nation ... by using scripture verses that speak to that end. How ... terribly - um - manipulative?
A lot of people are going to be really surprised when this all goes down.
That said, the tone of both of these articles (at least the first three paragraphs of each b/c those baristas are quick) was one of shocked disdain that someone would produce any kind of pro-Israel propaganda, and especially that they would aim to brainwash the poor, innocent Christians into thinking God has some special plan for the horrible (sic) little nation ... by using scripture verses that speak to that end. How ... terribly - um - manipulative?
A lot of people are going to be really surprised when this all goes down.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Seeds of Glory
Here I am, home from the most amazing two weeks of my life, struggling with the race set before me. I know that my Lord has an amazing plan for my life, and as long as I'm in His will I'm in the best place I can be. At the same time, though, so many of my friends are taking Forerunner classes or planning to spend months in some amazing missionary ministry. I spend nine hours a day in a retirement planning office and otherwise struggle to find time to draw close to the Lover of my soul.
But this is not a pity party, b/c - like I said - I know there's no better place I could be than in His will. It's just something I've been struggling with these few days I've been back, but I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3)!
It also helps that when I checked my email after two weeks, I got a super-encouraging note from a dear, sweet sister of mine. I love the way God uses our brothers and sisters in Christ, b/c sometimes you can know all the right things but it just helps to hear it from someone else.
But this is not a pity party, b/c - like I said - I know there's no better place I could be than in His will. It's just something I've been struggling with these few days I've been back, but I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3)!
It also helps that when I checked my email after two weeks, I got a super-encouraging note from a dear, sweet sister of mine. I love the way God uses our brothers and sisters in Christ, b/c sometimes you can know all the right things but it just helps to hear it from someone else.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Home [Adjective] Home
I'm not even going to talk about it here. I'm zine-ing, so if you don't see me in person regularly and you're not on my mailing list, let me know and I'll send you one when they're done.
The real challenge, after two weeks, is coming home. Messy apartment, stupid job. I thought it might be nice to only work nine hours each day - as opposed to the 12 or 14 we were "working" in India - but it's not really. My flesh definately prefers the shorter work day, but my spirit misses the exercise. So much of India is oppressed and depressed in so many ways, but there's a spiritual freedom there that I'm jealous for. There's a simplicity there that I've been after as long as I've been aware that I should be after a way of life. Call me to India, Lord - I'll go.
The real challenge, after two weeks, is coming home. Messy apartment, stupid job. I thought it might be nice to only work nine hours each day - as opposed to the 12 or 14 we were "working" in India - but it's not really. My flesh definately prefers the shorter work day, but my spirit misses the exercise. So much of India is oppressed and depressed in so many ways, but there's a spiritual freedom there that I'm jealous for. There's a simplicity there that I've been after as long as I've been aware that I should be after a way of life. Call me to India, Lord - I'll go.
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