Don't Go

I love to hear stories of people who drop everything at the Lord's calling to go where He would send them. I could sit for days an listen to all the "we had zero money and no place to live" stories, and the "we didn't speak the language" stories. The idea of just going in faith is so romantic; I love everything about it.

I'm a person, though, who wouldn't mind too much walking away from what's here and from what I have. It wouldn't be an agonizing sacrifice for me, and it wouldn't really do much in the realm of humbling me or bringing me low. I wouldn't have to subdue my flesh into it at all - I'd take off and love the whole adventure of it.

So at this conference last weekend, one of the worship leaders was introducing a song by telling us about God's provision in her own life - how she packed a suitcase and left the UK for the US without any idea what she was doing. My soul cried. "Lord I'll go too! I want that testimony! Send me!" He sternly but lovingly reminded me that He's already told me I'm to stay.

About a year ago I was longing for this same thing and I asked, "Lord, where is my mission field?" Anticipating, of course, something exotic like Tahiti or something dangerous like South Africa. "You were born in your mission field. Consider it a blessing." Hmmm. Not what I'd wanted to hear, but it resonated in my spirit.

Lately a very good friend in Christ has been encouraging me to go, and at the very least to pray about it. Every time I ask if this is His will for me He says nothing.

Last Saturday, though, Holy Spirit was my Comforter. "It's just as obedient, just as worthy, to stay when your will is to go, as it is to go when your will is to stay." Ahhh. So you sing the bit about, "If you say Go, we will go" and I'll sing the line that goes, "If you say Wait, we will wait."