Broken

I was confronted last night with my own wretchedness. Is that a word? "Wretchedness?" It was upsetting, but good. The lower you go, the higher Jesus gets in your heart. He's ascended, of course, and couldn't really get any higher than the right hand of the throne of glory ... but how high He is in my heart is what I need to deal with.

I used to think that to be humble and lowly and meek was to think poorly of yourself. A person seeking humility would get cut off in traffic a lot, or the waitress would divinely spill a drink on him. I spent two decades living according to the world, can you blame me?

Last night, though, I met meekness. The person Jesus is talking about in the beatitudes does not have low self esteem or a poor self image. The key word there is "self," and self is simply not an issue. You encounter the I AM and you're instantly mild because He is so ... everything. At the same time, though, you can't get all depressed about your vile condition, because even in sin and compromise and your weak attempt to love Him as best you can - His heart is overcome. You can't turn away and tell Him you don't deserve His love because He knows you don't deserve it, but He deserves yours - even though it's shallow compared to His love, He deserves it and He wants it and you can't say no to that.