letter to the editor

I submitted this to the Northwest Herald this morning. I could have gone on, but they won't print it unless it is 200 words or less. It's exactly 200. Count 'em.

Dear Illinois Legislature:

I would like to propose a statewide ban on women in SUVs. I am drafting a bill on my lunch breaks that would make it illegal for any woman to own or operate an SUV.

I know some women have the capacity and self-control to be behind the wheel of an SUV, but the ratio is too small to continue endangering the remainder of Illinois’ motorists.

Every time I have ever been the target of a rude gesture from someone who did not understand the right of way at a merge, every time someone has ever swerved wildly into the right lane to blow past me just in time to cut me off and come to a dead stop in front of me in a left turn lane … it has been a woman in an SUV.

I am sure if I could convince the government to fund another obvious study, we would come to a conclusion similar to, “… high vantage points and testosterone-driven marketing combined with a functioning emotional bank results in road rage in nine out of 10 cases.”

Women who drive SUVs rationally: I salute you, but please, take one for the team.