knight of faith?

I finished Jungle Pilot last night, which I obtained for free through Mission Aviation Fellowship. It's about the life of Nate Saint (whom you may be familiar with via the novel Through the Gates of Splendor, or the recent movie End of the Spear). Unlike many of the other bits about the life of Nate Saint, Jungle Pilot is a real autobiography in that it tells of his life since childhood, and does not give a very detailed account of Nate's martyrdom, since detail has been adequately given elsewhere.

The part that struck me was the wives at the end. The book gives more than I expected about the waiting they endured - it actually took weeks to confirm that the men had not been kidnapped, and they had not escaped, as any wife would silently hope despite all odds. The women still performed their missionary and motherly duties - multiplied because they were now housing and caring for dozens of men from search teams and various government bodies. The night they found out for sure the wives were all together, and concluded the evening with a solo voice accompanied by piano hymn. The military men in the room were moved, and one commented that he didn't understand how these women were so strong and so confident.

Today I listened to a sermon by Brian Zahnd called Knights of Faith. How one becomes a knight, what it's like to live by faith, etc. I think a lot of times we listen to those kinds of sermons and always put ourselves on the right side, because we know which side is the right side. Today I wondered. I think I'm still a page.

I'm feeling pressed. I'm feeling this question take hold of my spirit, "Will you live by faith for real? All the way? Even when it's not comfortable anymore, even when you're in the middle of a jungle and no one is around to admire your faith?" I don't know how to answer. I know how I want to answer, but can I?