tick ... tock ... tick ... tock ...

Today's my birthday. I'm 23. I'm 23 and I feel like I'm falling behind. I feel like there are bigger, better things that should be evidenced in my life right now that are not. I feel like I should know the Lord better - I should recognize His voice in a crowd; I should be more confident in my position beneath His blood.

Jacob came home for a visit from IHOP KC not too very long ago and we sat in Eileen's kitchen for hours talking about the things of the Lord. He told me of a young woman he knows who disappeared - withdrawn in prayer - for days, finally emerging as though from a war. She said Jesus met her in her room a few night prior (with some symbolically significant things in His hands, I don't remember what) and told her she's late. Late! I don't want my encounter with the risen Christ to be out of the necessity that He motivate me like that!

I feel like He already is though, and I'm running out of time to make up. I need to "seek the Lord while He may be found" (Isaiah 55:6), because the charge itself implies that there is a time when He may not be found! I know the time is nearly upon us when even, if possible, the elect will be decieved (Mark 21:22)! If even the elect, how much more me? If even the elect, what's one hour a day to be in His presence?! It's nothing ... it's a lunch break. I spend about as much time with Him every day as I do on a tuna salad sandwich and a cherry coke.

Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for forgetting who You are. Forgive me for being so prideful as to think that getting up one hour early in the morning is enough for all I need of You. Help me to make time, Holy Spirit. Help me to plan my days around You and not You into my day. Help these be more than vain words...