Timothy and I went to our local shopping mall early this evening ... not because we like malls (Timothy especially usually can't spend more than 20 minutes in a mall without getting upset) but because Timothy had a gift card that was burning a hole in his pocket.
Craving satisfied, we began to exit the mall. Allow me to set the scene:
It's about 6pm on a Saturday, so what is normally a pretty desolate mall is full of the usual characters: thugs, punks, babies' mommas, families ... basically a decent cross section of the general populous of McHenry County. The usual furnishings adorn the center of the mall isles, although I admit I'd never seen black leather massage chairs offering a body buzz for $1. They say you can't get anything for $1 anymore. Among the usual furnishings is general billboard for various stores in the mall - not the directory, but the one that advertises different stores you can get lost trying to find because it's not the directory you're looking at.
Over the past few decades these little implements have definately taken advantage of developing technology, and where once were posters there now are low-end TV screens. This particular one was more like a low-end computer screen running a slow screen saver. The sweater from one store turns into a bra from another store turns into a pair of shoes from another store. It wasn't even moving very fast.
As we walked by there was a small boy - maybe eight or nine years old - sitting on the dirty tile floor, legs crossed, two feet away from the screen, neck craned up so he could watch. No, I'm not joking. It wasn't a television, but it was the closest he was going to get to one as long as his mom sat in the hallway waiting for whatever or whomever they were waiting for. You could have taken a photo of the scene, cut the kid out of it, and pasted him into a living room - everything about his body language, glazed expression, and sedate brain activity was exactly the same.
It didn't even matter that he wasn't watching anything interesting ... or really anything at all. I'm sure the product screen saver in its entire circulation is not as stimulating as a moment of normal childrens programming. The point was he was told to stay in a concentrated area and, lucky stars, there was a moving picture screen in that area. Like young romance, it doesn't matter if the other has anything interesting to say he just wanted to be close to it. Weird.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
poverty of spirit
So I've been trying to become "poor in spirit" according to Matthew 5:3, and it hasn't been working. I'm not feeling it. I've been praying, Lord, show me what it is to be poor in spirit! Very passionate.
Yesterday I realized I am poor in spirit. Given my previous altered-for-context definition of "poor," we're all poor in spirit. The proudest atheist is completely poor in spirit.
poor: having little or no means of support (without Jesus -Ed.), dependant upon charity (read: grace -Ed.), meagerly endowed, deficient, lacking, inferior, inadequate, lacking in (my own -Ed.) skill or ability, deficient in moral excellence, meager, humble, modest, needy.We know that anything good in anyone's life is an act of God's mercy, because He loves saint and sinner alike. If He removed His hand from our lives, we'd all be without support; we're all dependant upon His charity and grace. It's true of everyone. So what's the deal with the first beatitude?
Whether or not the kingdom of heaven is mine depends on my knowing and admitting and living according to the fact that I am completely at His mercies (which are new every morning: hallelujah.) Jesus councils the poor, encouraging us to come to him so he can take care of us. In order to go to Him, though, we need to first realize how poor we are.
I'm not exactly sure how to do that. I think He has to show me, so I think it's going to involve a lot of quiet time and a very vulnerable spirit.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
book reviews
I finished Intercessor over the long Christmas weekend. I'm still not sure how I feel about it as a whole.
Initially its extremely challenging. I couldn't put it down. Then I stumbled onto some really bad doctrine. If you don't know that you know that the Lord is a healer; the same yesterday, today, and forever; who shows no favoritism; and once and forever healed everyone ... read Christ the Healer by F.F. Bosworth before you get into Intercessor.
That bit in the middle that got into Rees' theories on divine healing was a little hard to get through, but it was worth doing. The way he governed his finances (and the finances of a new university) on faith is more than an inspiration, and to read the stories of how the prayer coming out of a few dozen young adults given to intercession guided the course of a World War is amazing.
I'll be honest: when I heard about Rees Howells ("the man God used to pray His will in the midst of a war!") it sounded a little sensational, and I was pretty sure it was exaggerated. I thought, "Maybe some cool stuff happened, but the man did not alter the course of WWII. No way." I was pretty sure that a couple of strange coincidences were over-romanticized and made to seem highly spiritual, but my objective view on the story would surely shine some light on the truth. I was wrong, though. Rees met the heart of God for the war and prayed it out.
It's encouraging. Everyone, at some point, probably has a quiet moment wherein we think, "How much is this doing, really?" We think we know that our prayers move heaven, but they really, really do. Really.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
dead but not dying
We've all heard the phrase (or lyric, if you're 20 or older), "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." We all know we take a lot of things for granted because we've all at least heard about poverty-stricken nations and at some point had a moment of honest reflection in which we were really struck by how blessed we are to have been born or found our way into the wealthiest nation in the world. (Appologies for the run-on sentence.) If you've ever been to one of those nations, you come back with this resolve in your spirit to take a moment and thank the Lord every time you flush a toilet, but a month later you've forgotten all about it. Of all the things I never thought I'd take for granted, though, Holy Spirit was at the top of that list.
Timothy and I were out of town last weekend visiting half of my family for Christmas. Come Sunday morning we went to church with my grandparents and my great-grandma. We wanted to be in a church to respect the Word of the Lord, and because the Holy Spirit teaches us all things ... so we knew as long as a Bible was involved it wouldn't be hopeless. We also went because it made my great-grandma happy, and anything you can do to make an 80-something year old lady happy is a good idea.
I'm not going to pick apart the service (but I certainly could), because it will avail nothing. I knew that most American churches operate in that fashion: poor if not outright incorrect doctrine, consumer-friendly message, pre-scripted prayers, and no alter ministry. I spent a decade in one of those churches, but I guess it had been a while and I'd forgotten all about it.
At the end of the service, a man began to pray and read, "Lord we thank you because we have felt your presence here this morning." Timothy dropped his head and fearfully whispered, "Oh Lord." I can honestly say I tried all morning to connect with God's heart and it was difficult. I looked around and realized that I was in a room with scores of people who don't know what it's like to be in His presence.
And that's exactly why it's not okay. It would be easy to walk away from that and say, "Well it's not my cup of tea, but if that's how they want to have church then it's up to them." I'm not alright with that. That's not how Holy Spirit wants to have church (and it's His church); that's not how church is supposed to be (see Acts); and that's not even really how they want church they just don't know any better. It's not alright because I looked around at dozens and dozens of people who love God and who are being robbed of the fullness of His glory. It's not alright because that night Timothy and I tried to pray with my grandma for healing (recent chemotherapy treaments killed a lot of the nerve endings in her hands and feet so it's hard for her to handle small things and the ground always feels uneven to her), and although she let us, she watched with this "that's so cute" look on her face as I commanded nerve endings to be restored in Jesus' name. (Of course, I'm still praying that she'll find faith one day soon and that prayer will be allowed to take its course.)
I'm kind of ranting now, but I'm frustrated. We need to pray until the crippling grip of religion is broken off of the Church in America. We so desperately need revival.
Timothy and I were out of town last weekend visiting half of my family for Christmas. Come Sunday morning we went to church with my grandparents and my great-grandma. We wanted to be in a church to respect the Word of the Lord, and because the Holy Spirit teaches us all things ... so we knew as long as a Bible was involved it wouldn't be hopeless. We also went because it made my great-grandma happy, and anything you can do to make an 80-something year old lady happy is a good idea.
I'm not going to pick apart the service (but I certainly could), because it will avail nothing. I knew that most American churches operate in that fashion: poor if not outright incorrect doctrine, consumer-friendly message, pre-scripted prayers, and no alter ministry. I spent a decade in one of those churches, but I guess it had been a while and I'd forgotten all about it.
At the end of the service, a man began to pray and read, "Lord we thank you because we have felt your presence here this morning." Timothy dropped his head and fearfully whispered, "Oh Lord." I can honestly say I tried all morning to connect with God's heart and it was difficult. I looked around and realized that I was in a room with scores of people who don't know what it's like to be in His presence.
And that's exactly why it's not okay. It would be easy to walk away from that and say, "Well it's not my cup of tea, but if that's how they want to have church then it's up to them." I'm not alright with that. That's not how Holy Spirit wants to have church (and it's His church); that's not how church is supposed to be (see Acts); and that's not even really how they want church they just don't know any better. It's not alright because I looked around at dozens and dozens of people who love God and who are being robbed of the fullness of His glory. It's not alright because that night Timothy and I tried to pray with my grandma for healing (recent chemotherapy treaments killed a lot of the nerve endings in her hands and feet so it's hard for her to handle small things and the ground always feels uneven to her), and although she let us, she watched with this "that's so cute" look on her face as I commanded nerve endings to be restored in Jesus' name. (Of course, I'm still praying that she'll find faith one day soon and that prayer will be allowed to take its course.)
I'm kind of ranting now, but I'm frustrated. We need to pray until the crippling grip of religion is broken off of the Church in America. We so desperately need revival.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
fun game
I made up a fun game. If you're rockin' Battle Cry you've already heard this, but that's okay. I call it "the beatitude game" because I haven't come up with anything more clever. Hopefully the board game version will be out in time for Christmas 07.
Here's how you play:
1. Pick one verse from Matthew 5:3-10. It can be your favorite, the easiest, the hardest, or just the first on the list.
2. Dedicate yourself for a month to the study of every word in that verse, to prayer regarding your condition in relation to that verse, and to actively cultivating your life in accordance with that verse.
3. One month later, pick another one and repeat step two.
Fun, huh? I'm starting at the top because, honestly, they all scare me. I'm on day two and it's hard. I have Post-Its on my computer and in my car that read:
poor: having little or no means of support (without Jesus -Ed.), dependant upon charity (read: grace -Ed.), meagerly endowed, deficient, lacking, inferior, inadequate, lacking in (my own -Ed.) skill or ability, deficient in moral excellence, meager, humble, modest, needy.Naturally there is some interpretation here; I am not striving to be deficient in moral excellence, but realizing that as I try and try I am comparitively a long way off. Still trying, though - that's the clincher.
Are you in?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
healing
Revelation 19:10//"... For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy."
I hereby prophesy dramatic miracles of healings in and through our youth.
After the service last Friday, 30 to 40 teenagers spent a half hour frantically searching the building for clues that would reveal the destination of next summer's missions trip. It was pretty exciting, even to watch.
One girl who comes every so often was limping behind her group. After the pieces were discovered, the map assembled, and the country identified I asked this girl why she was limping. She explained and I asked if she'd like it healed. She said yes, more because it was the "right answer" than because she believed it would happen.
I called her friend over, and told them a quick version of the story of the deaf woman in India who had her hearing restored (see the above scripture). We both laid hands on her leg and the girls automatically closed their eyes and bowed their heads.
"You don't have to do that. You can if you want, but really it's not that serious. Jesus said to do this, so we do it. It's not hard." I invoked the Name above all names, and commanded things to be as they should rather matter-of-factly. "Stand up."
Fortunately it takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains because she stood up like she thought it had gotten worse.
"How's it feel?" She paused to consider the question, stomped her foot on the ground and shouted something to the effect of, "That's amazing." Mustard seeds are very small, hallelujah.
I hereby prophesy dramatic miracles of healings in and through our youth.
After the service last Friday, 30 to 40 teenagers spent a half hour frantically searching the building for clues that would reveal the destination of next summer's missions trip. It was pretty exciting, even to watch.
One girl who comes every so often was limping behind her group. After the pieces were discovered, the map assembled, and the country identified I asked this girl why she was limping. She explained and I asked if she'd like it healed. She said yes, more because it was the "right answer" than because she believed it would happen.
I called her friend over, and told them a quick version of the story of the deaf woman in India who had her hearing restored (see the above scripture). We both laid hands on her leg and the girls automatically closed their eyes and bowed their heads.
"You don't have to do that. You can if you want, but really it's not that serious. Jesus said to do this, so we do it. It's not hard." I invoked the Name above all names, and commanded things to be as they should rather matter-of-factly. "Stand up."
Fortunately it takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains because she stood up like she thought it had gotten worse.
"How's it feel?" She paused to consider the question, stomped her foot on the ground and shouted something to the effect of, "That's amazing." Mustard seeds are very small, hallelujah.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
two parties
First was Marianne's baby shower. Gifts, food, bingo ... the usual. We got some cultural tips from Jane about how Chinese women transport babies. Good stuff.
Then the 2nd Annual Ornament party in two shifts. First the Hobans then everyone else. It was a small gathering but the food was wonderful and the decorating was a success.
After the boys painted ornaments we foolishly left the paint on the floor. Despite their mother's constant warning to, "Don't run by the paint!" and "Stay away from the paint," Seany did this amazing tuck and roll that landed his butt right on the palet. He was not impressed with Timothy's efforts to clean his pants, nor could he account for what had happened. He must have blacked out or something.
Then the 2nd Annual Ornament party in two shifts. First the Hobans then everyone else. It was a small gathering but the food was wonderful and the decorating was a success.
After the boys painted ornaments we foolishly left the paint on the floor. Despite their mother's constant warning to, "Don't run by the paint!" and "Stay away from the paint," Seany did this amazing tuck and roll that landed his butt right on the palet. He was not impressed with Timothy's efforts to clean his pants, nor could he account for what had happened. He must have blacked out or something.Friday, December 15, 2006
Christmas Carols
December is just insane. Stop for a minute and look around (if you can do so without being mowed over) and it's craziness. I actually skipped the midweek service two days ago to pray and just spend time alone with my God.
I also took the liberty of making myself a Christmas CD. The Christmas radio stations just don't cut it for me; I get bored with the secular songs (which is half of the songs). I'm not trying to sound uber-spiritual, but it's true. If Jingle Bells gets you feeling jolly, then go with it, but to me it's just like any other song that's not about Jesus. Pointless.
I found some good stuff in the process, though. So if you're looking for Nativity music try these:
Christmas with Johnny Cash. I put "The Gifts They Gave" on my mix. Johnny Cash is just a great story teller. If you missed out on having a grandfather, get some Johnny Cash.
These guys have more soul in their little fingers ... and the harmonies are wonderful. I used Away in a Manger on my CD and I don't even like that song. This is a Christmas album, and if you really think about the title it makes sense.
Etta James. There are some secular songs on this album, I just used Silent Night. This woman's voice is amazing. All I want for Christmas is to be able to sing like Etta James.
Also noteworthy will be Hillsong's Celebrating Christmas. It's older Hillsong stuff, which I don't especailly dig, but O Rejoice is a beautiful song. Maybe just get on iTunes and spend a dollar on that one.
Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas is another must-have. Not to be confused with Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas. The former is about Jesus, the later is about snow.
Finally, a little plug for Unexpected Gifts. It's a comp featuring most of the radio-familiar Christian artists, but I found it via ZOEgirl's drum machine dance beat version of What Child is This?
If there's something really good that I'm missing, please let me know. Jeffy, any Christmas rap we should know about?
Oh wait. Speaking of iTunes ... If you're in the office and looking to stream some Christmas tunes search for Mountain Apple Company. It's free and it's Hawaiian Christmas Music. I kid you not. I'm listening to O Holy Night with a uke right now.
I also took the liberty of making myself a Christmas CD. The Christmas radio stations just don't cut it for me; I get bored with the secular songs (which is half of the songs). I'm not trying to sound uber-spiritual, but it's true. If Jingle Bells gets you feeling jolly, then go with it, but to me it's just like any other song that's not about Jesus. Pointless.
I found some good stuff in the process, though. So if you're looking for Nativity music try these:
Christmas with Johnny Cash. I put "The Gifts They Gave" on my mix. Johnny Cash is just a great story teller. If you missed out on having a grandfather, get some Johnny Cash.
These guys have more soul in their little fingers ... and the harmonies are wonderful. I used Away in a Manger on my CD and I don't even like that song. This is a Christmas album, and if you really think about the title it makes sense.
Etta James. There are some secular songs on this album, I just used Silent Night. This woman's voice is amazing. All I want for Christmas is to be able to sing like Etta James.
Also noteworthy will be Hillsong's Celebrating Christmas. It's older Hillsong stuff, which I don't especailly dig, but O Rejoice is a beautiful song. Maybe just get on iTunes and spend a dollar on that one.
Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas is another must-have. Not to be confused with Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas. The former is about Jesus, the later is about snow.
Finally, a little plug for Unexpected Gifts. It's a comp featuring most of the radio-familiar Christian artists, but I found it via ZOEgirl's drum machine dance beat version of What Child is This?
If there's something really good that I'm missing, please let me know. Jeffy, any Christmas rap we should know about?
Oh wait. Speaking of iTunes ... If you're in the office and looking to stream some Christmas tunes search for Mountain Apple Company. It's free and it's Hawaiian Christmas Music. I kid you not. I'm listening to O Holy Night with a uke right now.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
spider push-ups
Here we go. A Seany-short from last weekend. I'm not sure where he came up with the "spider push-ups," but my favorite part is about half-way through when he admits, "This hurts."
under my heel
I woke up yesterday morning with a demon at my beside screaming accusations against my husband. No one just wakes up in the morning angry at someone ... unless you went to bed angry with someone, which you shouldn't do anyway. Timothy had gotten up early to take some of the guys from our youth ministry out to breakfast before school. I woke up and lay in bed for another 10 minutes listening to the accuser. I called Timothy so we could agree with our adversary and put the matter behind us, but he was still with the boys.
For the next half hour, as I hurredly showered and got ready for work, that imp tried to convince me not to call Timothy back, not to talk about it, just let it blow over. "You're making a big deal out of nothing again. If you say that to him he'll think you're accusing him and get offended and angry. Don't you trust him? If you trust him, you don't need to talk about it. It's really your fault anyway."
Timothy called just as I was leaving for work. He was relieved to talk about it; the Holy Spirit had already convicted him a little on the matter. It was easy, and the devil is under my heel.
Monday, December 11, 2006
two good things
My husband and I went on a date Saturday night. Whoa. This necessitates a couple of plugs:
First, Chef Peter's Bistro. That's right, spirit-filled, four-star food that you used to have to drive out to Marengo to get has come to Rt. 14 in Crystal Lake. O happy day. Chef and his family are dear friends of ours that we met when he hired me a couple years ago. Lovely people and dangerously delicious food. It's all from scratch, it's all wonderful. If you don't know where to begin, I recommend the garlic and artichoke pizza. Mmm.
Then we went to see The Nativity Story and I think I was on the brink of tears during the whole movie. Not sad tears, though, it was that's-so-unbelievably-amazing-and-I-love-it tears. As a film, you could tell the production was rushed: some sub-par CGI, and a couple obvious sets. I really appreciated the movie, though. It's always enlightening to see stories that you've read dozens of times; you understand things that you maybe didn't before.
Things I understand:
1. Zacharias was probably the first guy on earth to know the Messiah was soon coming.
2. The horror of being engaged and found pregnant. I knew, before, that Mary could have been stoned to death for leaving to visit Elizabeth and coming home pregnant. You get to see, though, how it affected her family, and poor Joseph! I have a whole new respect for Joseph. Can't wait to meet that guy someday.
3. In the film, they had to travel through Jerusalem to get to Bethlehem. I'm not sure if that's accurate, but when I saw it my thought was: Jesus' first and last trip to the holy city was on a donkey. That's one of the things you just have to love about Jesus: no loose ends.
There were some inaccuracies, mostly involving the "wise men," but all in all I say go see it. Oh, I was also so very glad that the producers didn't over-romanticize the relationship between Mary and Joseph as Hollywood is prone to do. *applause*
PS- Tami, I will post video of Seany. I will. I tried all weekend to get to Panera to no avail. In the meantime, everyone, click on the "my battle plan" link to the right and you can check out an awesome video by a Russian, Christian, hardcore band. That's right: Russian, Christian, and hardcore. Amazing.
First, Chef Peter's Bistro. That's right, spirit-filled, four-star food that you used to have to drive out to Marengo to get has come to Rt. 14 in Crystal Lake. O happy day. Chef and his family are dear friends of ours that we met when he hired me a couple years ago. Lovely people and dangerously delicious food. It's all from scratch, it's all wonderful. If you don't know where to begin, I recommend the garlic and artichoke pizza. Mmm.
Then we went to see The Nativity Story and I think I was on the brink of tears during the whole movie. Not sad tears, though, it was that's-so-unbelievably-amazing-and-I-love-it tears. As a film, you could tell the production was rushed: some sub-par CGI, and a couple obvious sets. I really appreciated the movie, though. It's always enlightening to see stories that you've read dozens of times; you understand things that you maybe didn't before.
Things I understand:
1. Zacharias was probably the first guy on earth to know the Messiah was soon coming.
2. The horror of being engaged and found pregnant. I knew, before, that Mary could have been stoned to death for leaving to visit Elizabeth and coming home pregnant. You get to see, though, how it affected her family, and poor Joseph! I have a whole new respect for Joseph. Can't wait to meet that guy someday.
3. In the film, they had to travel through Jerusalem to get to Bethlehem. I'm not sure if that's accurate, but when I saw it my thought was: Jesus' first and last trip to the holy city was on a donkey. That's one of the things you just have to love about Jesus: no loose ends.
There were some inaccuracies, mostly involving the "wise men," but all in all I say go see it. Oh, I was also so very glad that the producers didn't over-romanticize the relationship between Mary and Joseph as Hollywood is prone to do. *applause*
PS- Tami, I will post video of Seany. I will. I tried all weekend to get to Panera to no avail. In the meantime, everyone, click on the "my battle plan" link to the right and you can check out an awesome video by a Russian, Christian, hardcore band. That's right: Russian, Christian, and hardcore. Amazing.
Friday, December 08, 2006
revelation on Christmas
First of all, if you answered "Yes" to any of those rhetorical questions yesterday ... they were rhetorial and you weren't really supposed to answer them. Ha. But if you did, go here and listen to Revelations from Mount Sinai. That was almost creepy. I wonder if Brian Zahnd knows that the Lord uses him to deliver a message weeks ahead of time so it's posted online right when I need it. Because He does.
Really, what I'm kind of musing over lately is the birth of the Christ. I'm sure this comes as no surprise, given it's December. I've been going through Christmas songs - mostly old hymns, trying to figure out which ones are NOT in 6/8 time so we can rock 'em Friday night - for the youth worship team. Reading through a bunch of these lyrics, I think their authors had a revelation of the birth of Jesus that most Christians do not have. We set up nativities in our front yards and string colored lights around the house, but do we really have an understanding of the miracle that we celebrate?
Check out some of these lyrics. What Child is This? was always one of my favorite Christmas songs, but I like minor keys. Reading through the lyrics you can't help but catch the sense of awe that must have been present, and at the same time the relief that the Promise had come. O Holy Night has a similiar effect.
There were, I believe, 400 years that went by between the Old and New Testaments of your Bible. Four hundred years that are nothing to us today, because we only turn the page, but for 400 years (I hope it's 400 because I've said it three times now.) God's last word to his people was "curse." For 400 years God's people fell short of the requirements of the law and tried to hang on to a promise spoken by prophets long since passed away. I don't know what the life expectancy was 2000 years ago, but I imagine it was shorter than it is today; 400 years could have been six to eight generations. Imagine the despair that begins to settle into the spirit of a people striving to restore a lost relationship with their God, whom even their grandfathers have never seen or heard.
Now imagine you're a Jewish shepherd who has been taught from the Torah all your life. You can probably recite at least the first five books from memory. You know the prophecies, and an angels visits you one night to point out a star ... Or imagine you're a magi from eastern Asia with the dual understanding that the God if Israel is the only true God, and that you are not one of his chosen people. You know the Truth, and that you have no right to access it until you look up one night and see the star you've been waiting decades to see ... Let that really settle in your spirit and you could have written What Child Is This? too.
Really, what I'm kind of musing over lately is the birth of the Christ. I'm sure this comes as no surprise, given it's December. I've been going through Christmas songs - mostly old hymns, trying to figure out which ones are NOT in 6/8 time so we can rock 'em Friday night - for the youth worship team. Reading through a bunch of these lyrics, I think their authors had a revelation of the birth of Jesus that most Christians do not have. We set up nativities in our front yards and string colored lights around the house, but do we really have an understanding of the miracle that we celebrate?
Check out some of these lyrics. What Child is This? was always one of my favorite Christmas songs, but I like minor keys. Reading through the lyrics you can't help but catch the sense of awe that must have been present, and at the same time the relief that the Promise had come. O Holy Night has a similiar effect.
There were, I believe, 400 years that went by between the Old and New Testaments of your Bible. Four hundred years that are nothing to us today, because we only turn the page, but for 400 years (I hope it's 400 because I've said it three times now.) God's last word to his people was "curse." For 400 years God's people fell short of the requirements of the law and tried to hang on to a promise spoken by prophets long since passed away. I don't know what the life expectancy was 2000 years ago, but I imagine it was shorter than it is today; 400 years could have been six to eight generations. Imagine the despair that begins to settle into the spirit of a people striving to restore a lost relationship with their God, whom even their grandfathers have never seen or heard.
Now imagine you're a Jewish shepherd who has been taught from the Torah all your life. You can probably recite at least the first five books from memory. You know the prophecies, and an angels visits you one night to point out a star ... Or imagine you're a magi from eastern Asia with the dual understanding that the God if Israel is the only true God, and that you are not one of his chosen people. You know the Truth, and that you have no right to access it until you look up one night and see the star you've been waiting decades to see ... Let that really settle in your spirit and you could have written What Child Is This? too.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
press on
Do you ever feel like you just cannot go on? Or that maybe you shouldn't? Or maybe you should go on, just not the same way you're going now ... Or maybe that's an escapism and you're just dealing with a willing spirit and weak flesh (Matt 26:41).
Do you ever feel like you're doing everything you can (and maybe too much because you're so tired that your daydreams go from Rome to one day alone in your apartment and seem just as wonderful), but doing nothing at the same time? How is that possible? It can't be because you're doing the wrong things because you have to pay rent somehow, and be faithful with little.
At the same time, have you ever just wanted to voluntarily and knowingly slip into compromise? I did a pretty good job yesterday using the wilderness temptation strategy (quote scripture at the devil), but its just all around you. Even at church, let's not kid ourselves.
Have you ever strayed so far from God that you were embarassed to come back? The story of the prodigal son can be your favorite metaphor in the Bible, but it doesn't make it easier. It makes it possible, but not easy. To even come back as a servant, knowing that He'll make you a son again ... Have you ever wanted to take a moment to weep at his feet for being so good and so merciful -- and had to wait until your lunch break to do it?
Have you ever really had a revelation of strength in your weakness? Do we focus more on "I am strong," or the prerequisite, "I am weak?" Have you ever really reconsiled yourself to being weak?
Do you ever feel like you're doing everything you can (and maybe too much because you're so tired that your daydreams go from Rome to one day alone in your apartment and seem just as wonderful), but doing nothing at the same time? How is that possible? It can't be because you're doing the wrong things because you have to pay rent somehow, and be faithful with little.
At the same time, have you ever just wanted to voluntarily and knowingly slip into compromise? I did a pretty good job yesterday using the wilderness temptation strategy (quote scripture at the devil), but its just all around you. Even at church, let's not kid ourselves.
Have you ever strayed so far from God that you were embarassed to come back? The story of the prodigal son can be your favorite metaphor in the Bible, but it doesn't make it easier. It makes it possible, but not easy. To even come back as a servant, knowing that He'll make you a son again ... Have you ever wanted to take a moment to weep at his feet for being so good and so merciful -- and had to wait until your lunch break to do it?
Have you ever really had a revelation of strength in your weakness? Do we focus more on "I am strong," or the prerequisite, "I am weak?" Have you ever really reconsiled yourself to being weak?
weak [week] -adjectiveWhen I admit I can do nothing in my own strenth - nothing that matters, nothing eternal - He becomes strong through my life by faith. I have to first accept that I'm weak, and stop trying to do it on my own. Ready, set, stop.
1. not strong; liable to yield; fragile; frail
2. lacking in bodily strength of healthy vigor, as from age or sickness
3. not having much political strength, governing power, or authority
4. lacking in force, potency, or efficacy
5. lacking in rhetorical or creative force or effectiveness
6. lacking in logical or legal force or soundness
7. deficient in mental power, intelligence, or judgment
8. deficient in amount, intensity
9. deficient in the essential or usual properties
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
weekend without end
Wow what a weekend. I wanted to wait and put pictures up, but who on earth has time to upload pictures? Not me.
Friday was great. I got to speak at youth in Pastor Tim's absence and I'm told it went well. It didn't go how I planned, but I guess it's my fault for asking the Lord to hold my tongue when it should be held and speak when I should speak. Hopefully that's what happened. I know it led to some good alter ministry time, so I call that success. Also encouraging was Pastor's unintentional confirmation of my message Sunday morning. It was interesting, also, to worship from the floor on a Friday night instead of from a mic. I definately missed worship team, though. Definately.
Saturday was jam-packed. Timothy and I worked that morning (handing out flashing Santa hats to little kids - rough work), and then we had practice. I think I need to take more time to just thank God for the people he's given us for a youth worship team. Those guys are some of the most dedicated teenage boys I know, and they're good which is nice too. There are some things that need ironing out, but that's true of all of us. We hung out with the Hoban's for 20 minutes so I could work on a song with Tami (blessings on that woman, Lord, for all she does), and so Timothy could get Seany wound up. I may still post some of that video. That kid is just unreal.
Sunday was a great, great service: worship that had to be Holy Spirit-directed because otherwise people would have left (besides Dennis, who more or less left for a while anyway. Haha.), a challenging message, and wonderful alter ministry time.
And I'm done.
Friday was great. I got to speak at youth in Pastor Tim's absence and I'm told it went well. It didn't go how I planned, but I guess it's my fault for asking the Lord to hold my tongue when it should be held and speak when I should speak. Hopefully that's what happened. I know it led to some good alter ministry time, so I call that success. Also encouraging was Pastor's unintentional confirmation of my message Sunday morning. It was interesting, also, to worship from the floor on a Friday night instead of from a mic. I definately missed worship team, though. Definately.
Saturday was jam-packed. Timothy and I worked that morning (handing out flashing Santa hats to little kids - rough work), and then we had practice. I think I need to take more time to just thank God for the people he's given us for a youth worship team. Those guys are some of the most dedicated teenage boys I know, and they're good which is nice too. There are some things that need ironing out, but that's true of all of us. We hung out with the Hoban's for 20 minutes so I could work on a song with Tami (blessings on that woman, Lord, for all she does), and so Timothy could get Seany wound up. I may still post some of that video. That kid is just unreal.
Sunday was a great, great service: worship that had to be Holy Spirit-directed because otherwise people would have left (besides Dennis, who more or less left for a while anyway. Haha.), a challenging message, and wonderful alter ministry time.
Sometimes God can speak to you and its great because God spoke to you, but it's still good when God speaks that same thing through someone else. Reminding and confirming. I never really doubted the word when He spoke it directly to me, but I cried when Pastor said it again. All day I couldn't figure out why I'd cried like that. I've been very busy lately, and honestly it's put a slight damper on my passion for my Lord. I've been fighting condemnation over it at every turn. At the end of the thing I think I cried - wept - not because I needed a reminder or a confirmation, but because He's serious about me. I am important to the King of heaven. You know that, and I "knew" that, but ... words can't describe.As I was sitting on the floor crying, little Sammy Johnson (I think he's three) walked around in front of me, asked why I was crying, and gave me a hug. It's amazing what a hug from a concerned toddler can do. After church we went sledding with a small group from Switch, but not for long because it was freezing cold. Pics pending. Then I went with my dad to find a little, no-one-loves-me Christmas tree. It's so cute. Sunday night was the worship team Christmas party, which was just too fun.
And I'm done.
Friday, December 01, 2006
snow
It's snowing. It took me an hour to complete my normal 30 minute commute this morning. On the way I saw 11 cars in snow drifts, and another two just stopped on the side of the road with hazards on.
My car learned a new trick yesterday (the first time it really got below freezing) that involves not letting me in. The lock on the driver's side door refuses to budget. Yesterday at lunch I was fighting it when one of my co-workers came back from her break.
"Is your lock frozen?"
"I think so."
"Try heating up your key."
"How?"
"With a lighter."
"A lighter?"
"Ya."
"Peggy, do you have a lighter?"
"No."
"And why not?"
"Well I don't smoke or anything."
"Do I smoke?"
"No."
"Then why would I have a lighter?! I don't have a lighter."
Our church organized a men's retreat for this weekend. Pray the roads get cleared so they can go; I know a lot of them will be blessed if they can go. Our youth meeting is on tonight as far as I know, so pray for safe travel too please.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
preach it
Graham Jones blessed us again last night before moving on to revive and encourage another body of believers in the U.S. (That's not Graham, by the way, that's his daughter. She's cuter than Graham.) Some of my notes:
He talked about building a culture of revival. Preparing a people so when revival hits we (first) recognize it and (second) are able to sustain it. That was cool because we talked about that very thing recently at a meeting of the musicians over fried food. Good to know it wasn't just the calamari talking. (Because that would have been creepy ... haha. I'm stopping ... but laughing at my own bad joke anyway.)
My favorite part was this little, mind blowing revelation about the man with the demon-possessed son. Read. I always read that (and heard other people teach that) as though that particular demon only came out by prayer and fasting. Graham explained he has a different theory. Jesus isn't talking about the demon in verse 20, so it's odd to think He would have jumped back to it without clarifying in the next verse ... He's not schizophrenic. Graham proposed that Jesus was talking about "this kind" of unbelief - since He's talking about unbelief - only comes out through prayer and fasting. That makes so much sense, and just exploded a little something in my head when he said it.
Also neat: The last word of the Old Testament is "curse." The first word of Jesus' first sermon is, "blessed." My buddy, Titus, is reading his Bible cover to cover. He was telling me last night that he's in Micah now and is really excited because he can "almost see the red letters." I think sometimes we don't realize the full measure of the blessing and grace that was poured out on the earth through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ because we never really lived in the Old Covenant system. We become believers and step right into the better covenant.
It was fun, too, because He's been speaking to me a bit about the beatitudes. I think it's time to perhaps do a little more study.
PS- I'm speaking to the youth tomorrow night. Please keep us in your prayers.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
humility?
I've been praying for a humble spirit, really only for a few days but I think it's one of those prayers that the Lord just jumps on. It's starting to hit me in my prayer time, and I'm almost not sure how to deal with it.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was really hard to even bring myself before the Lord at all. I sat down in front of the couch like I always do and was suddenly aware of how completely holy He is, and how completely holy I am not. I had all the right scripture in my head about coming boldly before the throne, and His dying while I was a sinner, the grace of His blood shed, etc. It still took me a little while to get in there, although I can honestly say I did not fall into condemnation in the process.
This morning was worse because I was thinking about yesterday. Still feeling very unworthy, but at the same time knowing by experience that He wants to be with me anyway.
What do you do? You can't love Him back enough. You can't do anything to earn or deserve His love. At the same time that's not an excuse to backslide and give up, because the last thing you want to do is break His heart that way. I'm hedged in.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was really hard to even bring myself before the Lord at all. I sat down in front of the couch like I always do and was suddenly aware of how completely holy He is, and how completely holy I am not. I had all the right scripture in my head about coming boldly before the throne, and His dying while I was a sinner, the grace of His blood shed, etc. It still took me a little while to get in there, although I can honestly say I did not fall into condemnation in the process.
This morning was worse because I was thinking about yesterday. Still feeling very unworthy, but at the same time knowing by experience that He wants to be with me anyway.
What do you do? You can't love Him back enough. You can't do anything to earn or deserve His love. At the same time that's not an excuse to backslide and give up, because the last thing you want to do is break His heart that way. I'm hedged in.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Christmas music
Why is every Christian Christmas song (which should be redundant, but it's not) slow and quiet? Isn't this a celebration of the night that hope finally entered the world? Aren't we remembering the night that began our escape from eternal damnation? Doesn't Christmas commemorate the moment in time when the God of heaven and earth disrobed Himself of the glory of the eternal throne room, and forever adopted the physical form of a man just so he could suffer and die for love? And aren't we the rescued? The redeemed? The saved? The beloved He came for? Aren't we excited about this? Songwriters aren't, evidently; songwriters are excited about Santa Clause.
Why do they all sound like lullabies? I read through the lyrics of Away in a Manger recently and decided it's a bad song. It might be a classic, but it's a bad classic. It's like we're trying to sing baby Jesus to sleep year, after year, after year. First of all, He's not a baby anymore, and even when He was - physically - a newborn, He wasn't a newborn you pass around to aunties. He was a newborn you bring expensive gifts to and worship. He was a newborn with a plan to defeat all the forces of hell.
Such is the plight of a youth worship leader trying to find a whole set of Christmas songs that won't bore Jr. High students to death. Or worship leaders. I can handle a few, but this is supposed to be exciting, right?
Why do they all sound like lullabies? I read through the lyrics of Away in a Manger recently and decided it's a bad song. It might be a classic, but it's a bad classic. It's like we're trying to sing baby Jesus to sleep year, after year, after year. First of all, He's not a baby anymore, and even when He was - physically - a newborn, He wasn't a newborn you pass around to aunties. He was a newborn you bring expensive gifts to and worship. He was a newborn with a plan to defeat all the forces of hell.
Such is the plight of a youth worship leader trying to find a whole set of Christmas songs that won't bore Jr. High students to death. Or worship leaders. I can handle a few, but this is supposed to be exciting, right?
Monday, November 27, 2006
long time ...
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend. Let's see how quickly I can catch you up:
We spent some quality time with Jeff and Bianca. Mini-Bianca has a new trick:
Timothy's twin brother Joe announced at Thanksgiving that he's getting married. Congratulations, Joe.
We adopted a new bass amp. The thing's a beast. "Bought" doesn't really do it justice. One review we read complimented its durability by proposing that if you drop the thing out of a 4th story window it'll crack the sidewalk.
I was thinking of all the things we could use it for around the apartment:
> Coffee table
> Kitchen chair
> Computer table
This is me and amp bonding:
Other than that we're back to work and trying not to think about it. Christmas is coming and I'm trying to convince Timothy that Christmas trees aren't pagan anymore because I went out with my parents to get their tree and fell in love with every little, half-bare, crooked, "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" in the lot. Due to droughts in recent summers past, there were several.
Oh, and Graham Jones is in the house. He brought his family all the way from France this time, and his small children wanted to know yesterday why everyone was speaking English. Talk about jet lag. Ha. Graham's awesome: if you're in the northern Chicago land area you're going to want to be at Church in the Word on Wednesday night at 7 p.m.!
And I'm done. Perhaps there will be more substance tomorrow.
We spent some quality time with Jeff and Bianca. Mini-Bianca has a new trick:
Timothy's twin brother Joe announced at Thanksgiving that he's getting married. Congratulations, Joe.
We adopted a new bass amp. The thing's a beast. "Bought" doesn't really do it justice. One review we read complimented its durability by proposing that if you drop the thing out of a 4th story window it'll crack the sidewalk.
I was thinking of all the things we could use it for around the apartment:
> Coffee table
> Kitchen chair
> Computer table
This is me and amp bonding:
Other than that we're back to work and trying not to think about it. Christmas is coming and I'm trying to convince Timothy that Christmas trees aren't pagan anymore because I went out with my parents to get their tree and fell in love with every little, half-bare, crooked, "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" in the lot. Due to droughts in recent summers past, there were several.
Oh, and Graham Jones is in the house. He brought his family all the way from France this time, and his small children wanted to know yesterday why everyone was speaking English. Talk about jet lag. Ha. Graham's awesome: if you're in the northern Chicago land area you're going to want to be at Church in the Word on Wednesday night at 7 p.m.!
And I'm done. Perhaps there will be more substance tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
deal
I know, I know - this is completely lame: I'm blogging someone else's blog, but its good darn it. Really, I'm doing this for you, because if you're not regularly reading Pastor Zahnd's blog (you should be) you'd miss this ... and I just don't have anything else to offer you this morning.
Brian Zahnd takes a group from his church to Isreal every year. They head home today, but he's been blogging from the holy land (the pictures are breathtaking). The post today is amazing. I admit it: I got choked up; I got teary-eyed. Alright? A snippet:
That was a revelation to me, anyway. There's an absolutely wonderful quote from G.K. Chesterton too, but I'm not going to bite Brian's blog anymore. You'll have to check it out yourself.
Brian Zahnd takes a group from his church to Isreal every year. They head home today, but he's been blogging from the holy land (the pictures are breathtaking). The post today is amazing. I admit it: I got choked up; I got teary-eyed. Alright? A snippet:
Let us return to the garden where Jesus had been laid in the tomb:
"But Mary Magdalene stood outside the tomb weeping, and as she wept she stooped down and looked into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white sitting one at the head and the other at the feet where the body of Jesus had been." ~John 20:11-12
Do you know what Mary Magdalene is seeing as she sees two angels sitting where the body of Jesus had been?
She is seeing the new mercy seat. In the Old Covenant the mercy seat was the solid gold lid on the top of the Ark of the Covenant which received the blood of atonement and was covered by the wings of the cherubim at each end. The angels sitting at the head and feet of where the body of Jesus had lain signify that Jesus Himself is the new mercy seat of the new covenant!
That was a revelation to me, anyway. There's an absolutely wonderful quote from G.K. Chesterton too, but I'm not going to bite Brian's blog anymore. You'll have to check it out yourself.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
kindred spirit
Kelly called me last night ... from Crystal Lake! Hooray. I left immediately for Starbucks.
Some friends you need to see several times a week or the friendship would quickly become an acquaintance. Some friends it seems the Lord saves for just the right moments, and there doesn't need to be anything else - like the relationship has been divinly established and time is not necessary to maintain it.
We both unloaded some burdens - because sometimes you need someone who understands, but is not involved in a situation to really listen (or really get you to hear what the Lord would say about it). We encouraged, exorted, theologized (I just made that up), and rebuked each other in and by the Lord. We prayed for a while in my car. She never once asked when Timothy and I are going to have kids. I want all of my "hang out" time to look like that: Bible open on the table, conversation centered around the eternal, and some good prayer.
Some friends you need to see several times a week or the friendship would quickly become an acquaintance. Some friends it seems the Lord saves for just the right moments, and there doesn't need to be anything else - like the relationship has been divinly established and time is not necessary to maintain it.
We both unloaded some burdens - because sometimes you need someone who understands, but is not involved in a situation to really listen (or really get you to hear what the Lord would say about it). We encouraged, exorted, theologized (I just made that up), and rebuked each other in and by the Lord. We prayed for a while in my car. She never once asked when Timothy and I are going to have kids. I want all of my "hang out" time to look like that: Bible open on the table, conversation centered around the eternal, and some good prayer.
Monday, November 20, 2006
[no title]
I really wanted to log on today and be uplifting and encouraging, but I'm burdened and I'm dying and I can't pretend.
Of course it's good to be burdened and dying, but there's really nothing inspirational I can think to write about it.
I'm absolutely burdened for the teenagers in my life. I thought I'd been burdened for something before because there was this violent desperation in my spirit for a couple of days. That's not a burden; that's a backpack. I can't stop thinking about the youth leader meeting we had last Friday night, or the kids and the circumstances that came up, or the ones I'm directly involved with/responsible for to some extent ... What can I do? What can I absolutely NOT do? How do I pray about this? I don't know that I have ever prayed so fervently for anything - even things and people that, in the natural, seem like they should be much closer to my heart.
I'm reading Rees Howells' story and dying in the process. I was reading before service Sunday morning about the amazing financial sacrifice the Lord asked of him (Rees was told not to ask for a need he could fulfill himself. All that Rees had became God's, so if someone needed finances and Rees had enough, he was to give before he asked for the Lord's help.) It felt as though my spirit stretched absolutely outside of me to try to get at something like that, but I didn't say anything - not even a silent prayer. At the end of the service the Holy Spirit asked for an extravagent offering. He practically laughed off the first argument that rose up in my heart ("How will we pay bills this month?"), and silenced the second ("We're trying to save something for a house someday.") with a poignant question: "If I asked you to live out the rest of your days in that little apartment and give all of your surplus, would you do it?" Ouch. Fine.
So that's how I'm doing. I'm burdened in one arena and dying in another. Hallelujah.
Of course it's good to be burdened and dying, but there's really nothing inspirational I can think to write about it.
I'm absolutely burdened for the teenagers in my life. I thought I'd been burdened for something before because there was this violent desperation in my spirit for a couple of days. That's not a burden; that's a backpack. I can't stop thinking about the youth leader meeting we had last Friday night, or the kids and the circumstances that came up, or the ones I'm directly involved with/responsible for to some extent ... What can I do? What can I absolutely NOT do? How do I pray about this? I don't know that I have ever prayed so fervently for anything - even things and people that, in the natural, seem like they should be much closer to my heart.
I'm reading Rees Howells' story and dying in the process. I was reading before service Sunday morning about the amazing financial sacrifice the Lord asked of him (Rees was told not to ask for a need he could fulfill himself. All that Rees had became God's, so if someone needed finances and Rees had enough, he was to give before he asked for the Lord's help.) It felt as though my spirit stretched absolutely outside of me to try to get at something like that, but I didn't say anything - not even a silent prayer. At the end of the service the Holy Spirit asked for an extravagent offering. He practically laughed off the first argument that rose up in my heart ("How will we pay bills this month?"), and silenced the second ("We're trying to save something for a house someday.") with a poignant question: "If I asked you to live out the rest of your days in that little apartment and give all of your surplus, would you do it?" Ouch. Fine.
So that's how I'm doing. I'm burdened in one arena and dying in another. Hallelujah.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
this means war
So we went to ATF and they talked and talked and talked about the spiritual war going on. I knew that. It is a frequent reference of mine in my time with the Lord. I'm on board with the "war" mentality. Or so I thought.
I started Rees Howells' biography (Intercessor - still highly recommending it). The Lord used this guy to pray out His plan, and actually shape the course of World War II. Rees' entire life story is pretty riviting, but if someone asks who Rees Howells was, the common short answer is, "This amazing intercessor who was used by God to determine the events/outcome of WWII."
Friday night I started reading Battle Cry for a Generation, by Ron Luce (the guy who heads up Teen Mania ... the ministry that brings you ATF and Battle Cry events). They really promoted the book at ATF, but I wasn't really going to read it because ... well I've got a bunch to read right now. Then, after our youth ministry meeting Friday night, Tim just handed them out and said, "Please read this." Luce's initial reference - and throughout at least the first five chapters, his most frequent - is World War II. Hmm.
It's not going to take me two weeks to get it this time. I get it. I'm in. It's going to be huge - are we ready? I'm convinced the next two years are crucial. Luce would tell you the next five (because in five years the largest generation this country has ever seen will be out of their impressionable teenage years, and will have become the force governing the most powerful nation in the world), but I'm planning on two. If it's five, fine; plan for two just in case.
2 Kings 13:14-20//Elisha had become sick with the illness of which he would die. Then Joash the king of Israel came down to him, and wept over his face, and said, "O my father, my father, the chariots of Israel and their horsemen!" And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows" So he took himself a bow and some arrows... And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground;" so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times." Then Elisha died, and they buried him. And the raiding bands from Moab invaded the land in the spring of the year.
I started Rees Howells' biography (Intercessor - still highly recommending it). The Lord used this guy to pray out His plan, and actually shape the course of World War II. Rees' entire life story is pretty riviting, but if someone asks who Rees Howells was, the common short answer is, "This amazing intercessor who was used by God to determine the events/outcome of WWII."
Friday night I started reading Battle Cry for a Generation, by Ron Luce (the guy who heads up Teen Mania ... the ministry that brings you ATF and Battle Cry events). They really promoted the book at ATF, but I wasn't really going to read it because ... well I've got a bunch to read right now. Then, after our youth ministry meeting Friday night, Tim just handed them out and said, "Please read this." Luce's initial reference - and throughout at least the first five chapters, his most frequent - is World War II. Hmm.
It's not going to take me two weeks to get it this time. I get it. I'm in. It's going to be huge - are we ready? I'm convinced the next two years are crucial. Luce would tell you the next five (because in five years the largest generation this country has ever seen will be out of their impressionable teenage years, and will have become the force governing the most powerful nation in the world), but I'm planning on two. If it's five, fine; plan for two just in case.
2 Kings 13:14-20//Elisha had become sick with the illness of which he would die. Then Joash the king of Israel came down to him, and wept over his face, and said, "O my father, my father, the chariots of Israel and their horsemen!" And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows" So he took himself a bow and some arrows... And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground;" so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times." Then Elisha died, and they buried him. And the raiding bands from Moab invaded the land in the spring of the year.
Friday, November 17, 2006
jealous
So I started Rees Howell's biography - against my better judgement - and I've read five chapters since last night. I'm completely jealous. So completely jealous. Not even in a cute way - in a try-not-to-be-outright-angry-with-God way.
This man saw Jesus resurrected. He understood the language of Revelation because he experienced a similar thing. Then, then, before he's even Spirit-filled he has this five-day meeting with the Person the Holy Spirit (Satan even made a subtle appearance at this thing). I tell you it's one of the most amazing suspense stories I've ever read and it probably wasn't 10 pages long. You know when I was learning about the baptism in the Spirit I had to hear about it from men; Rees got a private conference with the Man.
I realize that with a greater annointing comes greater responsibility and all that, but right now I'm just blindly jealous. (It is, actually, and amazing story of the Holy Spirit walking him through sacrificing every fiber of his being. I'm only on chapter six, but I highly recommend it.) Not that there's anything wrong with responsibility if you take care of it ... but I'm going to go ahead and put my foot in my mouth right here.
So why didn't I get a week long private audience when He wanted me to pray, huh? Because I tell you what: that would have catapulted me into this thing much more efficiently than two weeks of nagging reminders.
I'm jealous. (It's okay, though, because He's even more jealous for me.)
This man saw Jesus resurrected. He understood the language of Revelation because he experienced a similar thing. Then, then, before he's even Spirit-filled he has this five-day meeting with the Person the Holy Spirit (Satan even made a subtle appearance at this thing). I tell you it's one of the most amazing suspense stories I've ever read and it probably wasn't 10 pages long. You know when I was learning about the baptism in the Spirit I had to hear about it from men; Rees got a private conference with the Man.
I realize that with a greater annointing comes greater responsibility and all that, but right now I'm just blindly jealous. (It is, actually, and amazing story of the Holy Spirit walking him through sacrificing every fiber of his being. I'm only on chapter six, but I highly recommend it.) Not that there's anything wrong with responsibility if you take care of it ... but I'm going to go ahead and put my foot in my mouth right here.
So why didn't I get a week long private audience when He wanted me to pray, huh? Because I tell you what: that would have catapulted me into this thing much more efficiently than two weeks of nagging reminders.
I'm jealous. (It's okay, though, because He's even more jealous for me.)
Thursday, November 16, 2006
i get it!
It's great (and sometimes irritating to the flesh, if I can just be perfectly honest) when the Lord is really trying to communicate something to you. Of course, the Lord probably shouldn't have to really try to communicate something to me, because I should just listen and hop on board the first time. That was an epiphany right there.
Last Sunday Tim handed us a sermon CD from when Jay Fallon spoke at faith week last March. Title: The Power of Being with Him. Conviction confirmed.
A week ago yesterday Pastor gave a wonderful message on how NOT to respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Conviction corrected.
Monday night I had my trying time with the Holy Spirit and painfully worked some things out of my heart. Conviction ceded.
Yesterday afternoon I listened to a message titled Christ Followers by Shea Strickland at Word of Life Church. Conviction combusted.
Last night Pastor touched on the issue of subtle rebellion and how it prevents the Holy Spirit from working in our lives. (And in case you weren't there last night - this Sunday's going to be a "humdinger" of a service - that's a direct quote. I recommend a lot of repentance between now and then, and make sure you come Sunday morning with a teachable spirit.) Conviction conspicuous.
I got up early again this morning to pray. I was doing it and then I slacked off, but I'm back. I repented a lot myself. I finally finished David Brainerd's diaries, and now the book that's next to my Bible in my messenger bag is Rees Howells' biography subtitled: Intercessor. I'm afraid to crack the cover ... seriously.
Is this anyone else? I'm sure it's not just me the Lord is calling into a deeper place of prayer and intimacy in this hour. Anyone?
Last Sunday Tim handed us a sermon CD from when Jay Fallon spoke at faith week last March. Title: The Power of Being with Him. Conviction confirmed.
A week ago yesterday Pastor gave a wonderful message on how NOT to respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Conviction corrected.
Monday night I had my trying time with the Holy Spirit and painfully worked some things out of my heart. Conviction ceded.
Yesterday afternoon I listened to a message titled Christ Followers by Shea Strickland at Word of Life Church. Conviction combusted.
Last night Pastor touched on the issue of subtle rebellion and how it prevents the Holy Spirit from working in our lives. (And in case you weren't there last night - this Sunday's going to be a "humdinger" of a service - that's a direct quote. I recommend a lot of repentance between now and then, and make sure you come Sunday morning with a teachable spirit.) Conviction conspicuous.
I got up early again this morning to pray. I was doing it and then I slacked off, but I'm back. I repented a lot myself. I finally finished David Brainerd's diaries, and now the book that's next to my Bible in my messenger bag is Rees Howells' biography subtitled: Intercessor. I'm afraid to crack the cover ... seriously.
Is this anyone else? I'm sure it's not just me the Lord is calling into a deeper place of prayer and intimacy in this hour. Anyone?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
eat steak
We got into a really deep conversation on the way home from practice last night about vegetarianism and steak and food in heaven. The question then became, "Is there steak in heaven?" Spiritual beings vs. manna vs. the banquet vs. "food you know not of" etc. The only conclusion we came to was, "If there is it's good and if there's not you won't miss it."
My favorite part of the conversation, though, was a comment that went something like, "Okay, so you know God's glory is just radiating everywhere?! I bet if there's steak in heaven God's glory just cooks it! And then it's got to be perfect because, I mean, it's cooked by the glory of God!" I hadn't ever considered that the lightning that proceeds from the throne does so in microwaves, but who really knows?
(And if you were looking for something spiritual, I recommend Brian Zahnd's latest blog entry. It's phenominal. I love the implication in the last paragraph about Roman's road.)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
heart of stone or flesh?
Lamentations 3:22-24// Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
I had a rather trying time with the Lord last night, confessing some of those really deep things that no one else sees. It's easier to say, "Lord, I did this and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." than to say, "Lord, I am this way, my heart believes these things, and I want to change; I will change, and I'll start right now."
It was Jesus vs. my heart, really. The complication here is that I am responsible for my heart, and my heart is wickedly decietful. Jesus knows the secrets of my heart better than I do, but I cannot voluntarily lay my heart on His alter unless I know what I'm laying down. If you brought a dog to an Old Testament priest for a peace offering he'd tell you the dog won't cut it and send the two of you home. Maybe it was really me vs. my heart, then, as I tried desperately to dig out and uproot my deeper motives and convictions.
For example I think it's absolutely possible to fake a certain amount of passion. Am I passionate? I can write and speak passionately, but does that make me passionate? I want to die to myself so Christ can really live in me, so I can really be used of God but why? Is it really to see His kingdom come, or is it because I'm a human being who is naturally attracted to power? If I had to die to myself so someone else could be used mightily of God, would I do it? Do I strive to live as a good Christian so Jesus will be proud of me, or so my church leadership will be proud of me? I'm not sure, to be completely honest, because doing it 99% for Jesus and 1% in case Jay Fallon comes back is not good enough.
By the time I finally went to bed last night I think I was in a good place with the Lord. Hallelujah that His mercies and His compassions are new every morning.
I had a rather trying time with the Lord last night, confessing some of those really deep things that no one else sees. It's easier to say, "Lord, I did this and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." than to say, "Lord, I am this way, my heart believes these things, and I want to change; I will change, and I'll start right now."
It was Jesus vs. my heart, really. The complication here is that I am responsible for my heart, and my heart is wickedly decietful. Jesus knows the secrets of my heart better than I do, but I cannot voluntarily lay my heart on His alter unless I know what I'm laying down. If you brought a dog to an Old Testament priest for a peace offering he'd tell you the dog won't cut it and send the two of you home. Maybe it was really me vs. my heart, then, as I tried desperately to dig out and uproot my deeper motives and convictions.
For example I think it's absolutely possible to fake a certain amount of passion. Am I passionate? I can write and speak passionately, but does that make me passionate? I want to die to myself so Christ can really live in me, so I can really be used of God but why? Is it really to see His kingdom come, or is it because I'm a human being who is naturally attracted to power? If I had to die to myself so someone else could be used mightily of God, would I do it? Do I strive to live as a good Christian so Jesus will be proud of me, or so my church leadership will be proud of me? I'm not sure, to be completely honest, because doing it 99% for Jesus and 1% in case Jay Fallon comes back is not good enough.
By the time I finally went to bed last night I think I was in a good place with the Lord. Hallelujah that His mercies and His compassions are new every morning.
Friday, November 10, 2006
we adopted
This is Sreemonta. I really want to adopt from India, and I think this is as close as we'll ever get (India wants you to prove infertility as an adoption requirement, and I'm not infertile.)
Compassion International had a table set up at ATF. There were probably 30 8 1/2 x 5 1/2" clear plastic envelopes with pictures of cute kids on them - how could I not stop and browse? Of course if you stop and look, it does a little tug on your heart (because that's what it's supposed to do). I stood there and thought to myself, "Alright, if there's one in India." There was ... one. I was sure if I'd asked for two there would have been two.
I did a little homework too, because I'm paranoid about "charities" that use pictures of cute kids to fund the organizer's lifestyles. Maybe "paranoid" is the wrong word: I'm aware that they exist and refuse to have any part in them. I've heard it said that if you give out of a kind, compassionate heart it doesn't matter what the organization does with the money, really, because you've done the best you can. Bull. With such wonderful resources as Charity Navigator it's my opinion that you are responsible for taking 10 minutes to find out what's happening with your finances.
But Compassion International checks out. For $32/month the kid gets an education, a balanced diet, medicine if needed, basic necessities like shoes, and (best of all) a Bible eductation. They work through local churches, so it's all done in the name of Jesus, not Compassion International. I dig it. I wrote our first letter to Sreemonta yesterday.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
as i was saying
ATF was a good time. It definately sparked something in our youth, and I pray and pray that it continues to burn in them. It's easy to get excited with a couple thousand of your peers who agree with you, but its hard to maintain that day to day in public schools. I'm confident that same thing is on our youth pastor's heart, so we're working toward that end.The best part about ATF - for me - was the encouragement I found in the Holy Spirit. I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now, and I have a divine new focus on it. That sounds like, "Oh good, it's good when the Lord encourages us that we're in the right place. Dum de dum." I tell you, though, it was (as the song puts it) like water to my soul - like I could suddenly breathe and I didn't realize I was suffocating. I can't explain the relief I've enjoyed these past days.
I'd been in such a turmoil about being really unhappy at my job, but it pays well so what do you do? I love the youth and I love the worship team, but I have an apartment a husband and a full-time job to look after too so that there isn't a moment I don't have three things to do so what do you do? In my desperation to spend some time with my Lord I have an expensive computer program I still don't know how to use and a sewing machine that's still in the box, so what do you do? I was a little overwhelmed and a lot lost, but He spoke to me last weekend and assured me that He wants me with the youth right now. It was like one of my godfather's bear hugs that wrap you up so completely and so tight that you feel like nothing bad can get to you there. "You're doing fine, and you're in the right ministry right now. I'll move you when I want you to move. I'd like to see you more often, and all these things will be added unto you. Relax." *sigh*
So my focus is Him and His kids. Yes I have to work at this job for a little while more because life causes bills, but He has a plan and I'll be out of here as soon as that plan allows. (In the meantime, if this is the plan its the best place I can be no matter how terrible it seems.) Yes there are other things I have to take care of at the same time, but now I can see that I do what I have to do so my priority can be loving Him and loving this ministry.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
prepare your hearts
Voters Reject South Dakota Abortion Ban
The whole story is here. I'll be checking Bound4Life all day too, waiting to hear from Lou. There's going to be hell to pay for this in the next few years. Pray, pray, pray.
Deuteronomy 9:13//You must purge from Israel the guilt of shedding innocent blood, so that it may go well with you.
Luke 11:23//He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters. (Jesus likes babies, by the way ... alive.)
I don't even have anything intelligent to write that I haven't already written once. I'm just dumbfounded. In an hour when our enemies are becoming more and more powerful, we are more and more foresaking the only One who can protect and keep us. And then when it happens America will turn and blame "god."
It is making the Bible more alive, though. Sometimes I read Exodus and wonder how Israel can constantly rebel and gripe against the Lord despite all His provision and mercy, but here we have it. I read Jeremiah and wonder how these kings constantly reject God's warning and mercy, but its right in front of me now. Sometimes I read through Revelation and other accounts of His return and wonder how in the world anyone will be able to hate Him to His glorious face, but I can see it starting already. Pray, pray, pray.
In a ... setback for conservatives, South Dakota rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions ...
Nationwide, a total of 205 measures were on the ballots Tuesday in 37 states, but none had riveted political activists across the country like the South Dakota measure. Passed overwhelmingly by the legislature earlier this year, it would have been the toughest abortion law in the nation, allowing the procedure only to save a pregnant woman's life.
The whole story is here. I'll be checking Bound4Life all day too, waiting to hear from Lou. There's going to be hell to pay for this in the next few years. Pray, pray, pray.
Deuteronomy 9:13//You must purge from Israel the guilt of shedding innocent blood, so that it may go well with you.
Luke 11:23//He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters. (Jesus likes babies, by the way ... alive.)
I don't even have anything intelligent to write that I haven't already written once. I'm just dumbfounded. In an hour when our enemies are becoming more and more powerful, we are more and more foresaking the only One who can protect and keep us. And then when it happens America will turn and blame "god."
It is making the Bible more alive, though. Sometimes I read Exodus and wonder how Israel can constantly rebel and gripe against the Lord despite all His provision and mercy, but here we have it. I read Jeremiah and wonder how these kings constantly reject God's warning and mercy, but its right in front of me now. Sometimes I read through Revelation and other accounts of His return and wonder how in the world anyone will be able to hate Him to His glorious face, but I can see it starting already. Pray, pray, pray.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
election day
... did you?"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." - John Quincy Adams
Monday, November 06, 2006
ammo
We took about 20 students from our youth ministry to the Aquire the Fire conference in Chicago last weekend. More about the event and our kids tomorrow, but here are some interesting things I learned:
//1 in 11 teenagers attempts suicide each year, and each year about 2000 succeed.
//40% of teenagers have experimented with self-mutilation.
//1 in 10 high school girls have been raped.
//By the time the average child graduates from high school, he/she will have watched 19,000 hours of TV including about 200,000 sexual acts and 1 million acts of violence.
//40% of "born again" teens believe Jesus sinned.
//90% of teenagers have been subject to pop-up porn while doing homework online.
//240,000 teenagers get pregnant in America each year, and 1/3 of those preganacies end in abortion.
Why? Because sex sells. This generation of teenagers is the largest our nation has ever seen, and they have more disposable income than any that has gone before. They're looking for an identity and a purpose (like every other teenager in the world), and MTV made $1 billion dollars last year selling them an identity that's easy to conform to.
More importantly, because the church is not providing an alternative. Most churches don't really value their youth ministries at all (not at CITW, though!); we had a room full of over 100 youth pastors and leaders, and the vast, vast majority of them are working on a 100% volunteer basis. Most youth ministries are completely under-funded. Most Sunday morning services are boring, and completely unapplicable to teenage lives. There's no passion in the church, and I know of my own peers (the now 20-somethings) that if it wasn't worth dying for we weren't really interested.
Are we living examples of the adventure it is to live a true Christian lifestyle? Are we passionate enough about our King to inspire that passion in people who are literally dying for something to be passionate about? If not, we don't really have any right to complain 20 years down the road when America starts to look a lot like Europe is looking.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
state of us
Timothy left this morning to experience Reinhard Bonnke at Word of Life Church's 25th anniversary in St. Joseph, Missouri. He's driving (it's almost nine hours) with his twin brother, Joe, whom he has never really had a relationship with. I'm excited - he's excited too - and praying that 18 hours of driving (with no CD player in the car) will be a time of healing and restoration for both of them.
And for me I'm just praying for time. I think I spent less than an hour alone with my Lord yesterday, and that kills me. I know there are bigger and better things for me than what I am currently experiencing, and deeper caverns of His heart that I can be familiar with. I'm sure there is more for me to do and be and understand, and I just hope I'm not behind. I don't want to be late and I don't want to miss anything, but it seems impossible right now: 45 hour work week, two worship teams, an apartment and husband to take care of ... I can do all things through Christ, right? Maybe I can just quit sleeping.
And for me I'm just praying for time. I think I spent less than an hour alone with my Lord yesterday, and that kills me. I know there are bigger and better things for me than what I am currently experiencing, and deeper caverns of His heart that I can be familiar with. I'm sure there is more for me to do and be and understand, and I just hope I'm not behind. I don't want to be late and I don't want to miss anything, but it seems impossible right now: 45 hour work week, two worship teams, an apartment and husband to take care of ... I can do all things through Christ, right? Maybe I can just quit sleeping.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
youth on the move
I read this yesterday on the Battle Cry website, and smiled. This was a youth group in Florida:
It's good to know that there are teenagers out there willing to take a stand even if the world thinks its silly.
As Caite tells the story:
One person at a time we went into Victoria Secret, saying "Hey! These posters really offend us. Can you please take them down?"
Of course their first reaction was, "No!! Get out of our store."
But we did not give up! After the 30th person went in there, they were getting kind of angry. You could see their faces change as they stood there.
So we all prayed hardcore! Asking God to give us strength as we went in there all together. After praying, all 30 of us went into Victoria Secret and we said "These posters offend all of us! Please take them down!"
Then all of a sudden there was a sense of peace in the room.
THEY TOOK DOWN THE POSTERS!!
It's good to know that there are teenagers out there willing to take a stand even if the world thinks its silly.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
what if?
For starters it goes without saying that America is in a period of grace right now. Like Israel in Jeremiah's day, we're flourishing, but judgement is around the corner. Of course, ask Jeremiah, no one wants to hear about judgement in a time of prosperity. With the stock market at an all-time high and gas prices plummeting, it's easy for false prophets to stand in the streets (or on campaign platforms) and cry out, "Peace, peace!" But we know that this nation has turned away from the Lord, who is a righteous judge, and so the interim that we're in can only be His mercy giving us time to repent and turn back to Him.
Lou Engle, of The Cause USA, hosted a live "prayer cast" last Saturday. He talked to a dozen pretty established prophetic voices in our country (Mike Bickle, Bob Jones, James Goll, Rick Joyner, etc.) about the state of the nation and what the Lord has put on their hearts. Pretty amazing. (It was recorded - hooray! - and you can listen here.) Bob Jones is a man I respect very much (he's predicted - by the Spirit of God - everything from snow and comets to the fall of the Berlin wall and Bush/Quail), and he mentioned this grace period that we're in. Then he said he expects it to end in about two years. Yike.
Then I remembered Josiah, and how he ruled a nation according to God's will. I realize President Bush doesn't quite match up to Josiah, but I think Bush was raised up as a Christian man who did a job that not many presidents would have done in the face of such opposition. Let's not forget Jesus has this all figured out. The Lord told Josiah that he could not pardon all the innocent blood shed in the land by previous kings, but that he would not judge the nation during Josiah's reign.
So Bob thinks the window of opportunity to return to the Lord with all our hearts is going to end in about two years. I think that so many ignorant American voters are angry with President Bush (mostly because the media tells them to be) that the next Democratic presidential candidate is going to have their favor simply because he belongs to the opposite political party. Perhaps judgement is again merely waiting for His servant's reign to end.
Lou Engle, of The Cause USA, hosted a live "prayer cast" last Saturday. He talked to a dozen pretty established prophetic voices in our country (Mike Bickle, Bob Jones, James Goll, Rick Joyner, etc.) about the state of the nation and what the Lord has put on their hearts. Pretty amazing. (It was recorded - hooray! - and you can listen here.) Bob Jones is a man I respect very much (he's predicted - by the Spirit of God - everything from snow and comets to the fall of the Berlin wall and Bush/Quail), and he mentioned this grace period that we're in. Then he said he expects it to end in about two years. Yike.
Then I remembered Josiah, and how he ruled a nation according to God's will. I realize President Bush doesn't quite match up to Josiah, but I think Bush was raised up as a Christian man who did a job that not many presidents would have done in the face of such opposition. Let's not forget Jesus has this all figured out. The Lord told Josiah that he could not pardon all the innocent blood shed in the land by previous kings, but that he would not judge the nation during Josiah's reign.
So Bob thinks the window of opportunity to return to the Lord with all our hearts is going to end in about two years. I think that so many ignorant American voters are angry with President Bush (mostly because the media tells them to be) that the next Democratic presidential candidate is going to have their favor simply because he belongs to the opposite political party. Perhaps judgement is again merely waiting for His servant's reign to end.
Monday, October 30, 2006
why heaven?
I'm finishing up The Life and Diary of David Brainerd; right now he's 29 years old and ready to die of tuberculosis at any moment.
Brainerd is not a name a lot of people know. He lived during the 18th century, and very quietly carried out his mandate to bring the gospel to the Native American people in and around New England. It's been an interesting journey of laying down a list of good works before the throne of grace, getting commissioned, and absolutely laboring in the spirit for these people. Once he got a breakthrough, though, the man got a breakthrough. Day after day, and week after week of uninterested people finally gives way to a journal entry that describes what must have been an amazing presence and conviction of the Holy Spirit while Brainerd talked about the love of God. A simple message causes this holy travail because the man's life was saturated with prayer. He carried on for several years with a congregation of a few hundred (mostly) Native Americans, and preached an annointed Word the whole time.
Anyway, being that it's a journal and that Brainerd spent all his time preaching or praying, there's not a lot of reflection in it - it's just a day to day account of what happens. These last 80 pages or so, he can hardly get out of bed, so he has more time to write. He's looking forward to a physical death at this point because he feels useless being alive and unable to preach, and he made a comment that caused me to pause. I don't have the book with me, or I'd give you the old English quote direct, but it communicated that he is looking forward to heaven so he can finally worship the Lord perfectly. Wow.
So often I think of heaven as the escape, the reward, the retirement, the rest I don't get on earth, the great place where we're happy and comfy and in God's presence all the time and yes, worship will be good ... But here is a man so in love with Jesus that he looks forward to heaven so he can finally worship without all the junk and distraction of this world. I want a heart like that.
Brainerd is not a name a lot of people know. He lived during the 18th century, and very quietly carried out his mandate to bring the gospel to the Native American people in and around New England. It's been an interesting journey of laying down a list of good works before the throne of grace, getting commissioned, and absolutely laboring in the spirit for these people. Once he got a breakthrough, though, the man got a breakthrough. Day after day, and week after week of uninterested people finally gives way to a journal entry that describes what must have been an amazing presence and conviction of the Holy Spirit while Brainerd talked about the love of God. A simple message causes this holy travail because the man's life was saturated with prayer. He carried on for several years with a congregation of a few hundred (mostly) Native Americans, and preached an annointed Word the whole time.
Anyway, being that it's a journal and that Brainerd spent all his time preaching or praying, there's not a lot of reflection in it - it's just a day to day account of what happens. These last 80 pages or so, he can hardly get out of bed, so he has more time to write. He's looking forward to a physical death at this point because he feels useless being alive and unable to preach, and he made a comment that caused me to pause. I don't have the book with me, or I'd give you the old English quote direct, but it communicated that he is looking forward to heaven so he can finally worship the Lord perfectly. Wow.
So often I think of heaven as the escape, the reward, the retirement, the rest I don't get on earth, the great place where we're happy and comfy and in God's presence all the time and yes, worship will be good ... But here is a man so in love with Jesus that he looks forward to heaven so he can finally worship without all the junk and distraction of this world. I want a heart like that.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
no compromise
The message that I think the Lord is trying to move deep into my spirit in this season is "no compromise." It's everywhere I go - subtly sometimes, but that's how He is - and it's working ... and I'm trying really hard to let it work, because my flesh really likes little compromises.
A couple weeks ago Pastor talked about Agag, and the things the Lord asks of us that we 98% do. When he tells us to "utterly destroy" something - in Saul's case, and we destroy most of it.
I just finished 2 Kings, and by the time I got to Josiah I was so stinkin' relieved to finally find someone who "did what was right in the sight of the Lord." It's exhausting to flip through page after page of wicked kings; I was disgusted at compromise without anyone preaching it to me. The interesting thing about Josiah is that even though he turned to the Lord with all his heart and soul, and did not compromise any of the high places, etc., God still judged that land (after Josiah's death) because of the sins of previous kings. 2 Kings 24:4 actually says that it was in part because of the innocent blood shed that the Lord "would not pardon."
Last night Jeff spoke at our midweek service (as Pastor is still asisting in revival in Nepal). He talked about sacrifice and building an alter via Abraham and Issac. Jeff pointed out that God told Abraham to offer Issac ("Issac" means "laughter," so God was literally asking Abraham to offer up his joy) as a burnt offering, and what I did not know was that the burnt offering was the one kind of offering (of five) that consumed everything. The other offerings left a little grain, or a little meat, for the priests' provision, but a burnt offering consumes everything.
It's taking hold of me. Just yesterday I overheard a conversation in the office (it's a tiny office) about someone not readily accepting a new family member because of her occult background. A comment that was made was, "I think I'm pretty religious, but you have to be open to other things." I didn't say anything because I hesitated too long trying to decide if the best response would be a passionate (read: angry), "Why?!" or a sarcastic, "You say that like it's a contradiction. Most people who are bound by religion are open to all kinds of things."
I get the feeling I'm not becoming a girl that people are going to enjoy (until they need Jesus to heal them or save them or something). I hope, anyway. Because Jesus was a nice guy (ultimately), but a lot of people didn't like Him because He refused to compromise. Paul was a nice guy that people didn't like. David embarassed his wife dancing before the Ark of the Covenant, and on it goes. Who's coming with me?
A couple weeks ago Pastor talked about Agag, and the things the Lord asks of us that we 98% do. When he tells us to "utterly destroy" something - in Saul's case, and we destroy most of it.
I just finished 2 Kings, and by the time I got to Josiah I was so stinkin' relieved to finally find someone who "did what was right in the sight of the Lord." It's exhausting to flip through page after page of wicked kings; I was disgusted at compromise without anyone preaching it to me. The interesting thing about Josiah is that even though he turned to the Lord with all his heart and soul, and did not compromise any of the high places, etc., God still judged that land (after Josiah's death) because of the sins of previous kings. 2 Kings 24:4 actually says that it was in part because of the innocent blood shed that the Lord "would not pardon."
Last night Jeff spoke at our midweek service (as Pastor is still asisting in revival in Nepal). He talked about sacrifice and building an alter via Abraham and Issac. Jeff pointed out that God told Abraham to offer Issac ("Issac" means "laughter," so God was literally asking Abraham to offer up his joy) as a burnt offering, and what I did not know was that the burnt offering was the one kind of offering (of five) that consumed everything. The other offerings left a little grain, or a little meat, for the priests' provision, but a burnt offering consumes everything.
It's taking hold of me. Just yesterday I overheard a conversation in the office (it's a tiny office) about someone not readily accepting a new family member because of her occult background. A comment that was made was, "I think I'm pretty religious, but you have to be open to other things." I didn't say anything because I hesitated too long trying to decide if the best response would be a passionate (read: angry), "Why?!" or a sarcastic, "You say that like it's a contradiction. Most people who are bound by religion are open to all kinds of things."
I get the feeling I'm not becoming a girl that people are going to enjoy (until they need Jesus to heal them or save them or something). I hope, anyway. Because Jesus was a nice guy (ultimately), but a lot of people didn't like Him because He refused to compromise. Paul was a nice guy that people didn't like. David embarassed his wife dancing before the Ark of the Covenant, and on it goes. Who's coming with me?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
the end
"And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet." Matthew 24:6
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Pastor Appreciation
October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Do you appreciate your pastor? Do you have a pastor? If not, I'll share mine with you; I got a good one. (And I can post this now because he's in Nepal and likely will never read it. Ha ha.)
You don't really appreciate a good pastor unless you've had a bad one. I've had a bad one, so if it seems like a blasphemous thing to say - trust me, they're out there (the Lord addresses them specifically in Ezekiel 34). It's hard, after having an "irresponsible shepherd" to trust another Pastor, so believe you me, I was skeptical at first. It's been about two years now, and he's good. Let me count the ways:
1. I appreciate his heart for his work. He could just as easily subscribe to a service that would generate sermons for him, show up during office hours and Sunday mornings, and say whatever statistics show will grow a church. He doesn't do that, though. He searches out the word that the Lord would have him speak; he's there on Saturday nights praying for the service the next morning. I've heard him say things from the platform that made me think, "Well, church attendance will be down next week," just because it was the right thing to say. 2. I appreciate that he doesn't make excuses or offer false appologies for his decisions. He does what he feels he needs to do with or without the approval of men.
3. I appreciate that he lets other people use and develop the gifts God has put inside of them. He does not micro-manage the affairs of the church, and he's not intimidated by guest speakers.
4. I appreciate that he's not an old wineskin, which goes right along with, "I appreciate his modeling of obedience." He changes with the Spirit. If the room that was set aside to be the bookstore becomes the prayer room, then it becomes the prayer room. If he's called to Nepal but doesn't really want to go, then he goes to Nepal.
5. I appreciate the council - that he gathers church leaders around himself to set up a mini checks and balances system, so that he can't even sign a church check alone.
6. I appreciate his counselling method. He's there to talk to you, advise you, help you out ... but if you refuse to work through a situation and really just want a shoulder to cry on, he's not having it. I kinda cried at him over the phone one late evening, and he does very well.
7. I appreciate his family. Tami's just a doll and so much fun and a great worship leader and good counsel. Liam is a sweetie who can make you feel like the coolest person on earth. Sean is too cute; I recently discovered that if I'm having a bad day I can call Seany (i.e. Tami b/c Seany is three, I think) and feel a thousand times better hearing, "You my buddy Miss Wex." And Naimh is just precious - even screaming or belching.
So Happy Pastor Appreciation Month!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Jesus is my morphine
I picked up the guys for Switch on Friday and we were talking about church and youth group on the way to Elgin.
One of them mentioned - without naming - a kid he knows who was pretty heavily involved in drugs until he started coming to youth. This kid started to clean himself up, and then quit coming to youth group meetings, and went back to the drugs.
I can categorically say, from years of personal experience, that no drug can provide the purpose, finances, escape, self-worth, euphoria, or reason that Jesus does. I know that, but its hard to tell people that. If you've never been in His tangible presence, you read the beginning of this paragraph and shake it off in disbelief. You have to meet Him to believe it; there has to be an encounter.
So what happened with the afore-mentioned kid? In the few weeks or months that he was coming to youth group, he did not encounter Christ (but then again, maybe he did and later chose to ignore Him). They say if your faith is not in Jesus by the time you're 18 it usually takes a dramatic encounter with the living God to get you there.
The point is I've been thinking about this mystery kid for three days. I don't know what happened, and I'm not beating myself or our youth ministry up - because our youth ministry is amazing and we're seeing the fruit of it every week. It just makes you wonder: Am I not in prayer enough for these kids? Did I do everything I could to engage that one while I had the chance? Because really, all I can do is reflect Christ and get the kids to a position where they can see Him themselves - but am I doing that? Am I praying enough? Is there something else in my life that would hinder the work of the Holy Spirit during youth services?
Lord, I ask for a fresh burden for the young people in McHenry County. Draw me into intercession on their behalves; annoint me to do the work You've called me to do. If there is something further I need to correct in myself, show me, Holy Spirit, what that is. Raise up a generation of young people in America who will lay down their lives every day for Your Name. Raise up a battle cry in the hearts of youth leaders all over this country to fight for their little brothers and sisters. In Jesus' Name ...
One of them mentioned - without naming - a kid he knows who was pretty heavily involved in drugs until he started coming to youth. This kid started to clean himself up, and then quit coming to youth group meetings, and went back to the drugs.
I can categorically say, from years of personal experience, that no drug can provide the purpose, finances, escape, self-worth, euphoria, or reason that Jesus does. I know that, but its hard to tell people that. If you've never been in His tangible presence, you read the beginning of this paragraph and shake it off in disbelief. You have to meet Him to believe it; there has to be an encounter.
So what happened with the afore-mentioned kid? In the few weeks or months that he was coming to youth group, he did not encounter Christ (but then again, maybe he did and later chose to ignore Him). They say if your faith is not in Jesus by the time you're 18 it usually takes a dramatic encounter with the living God to get you there.
The point is I've been thinking about this mystery kid for three days. I don't know what happened, and I'm not beating myself or our youth ministry up - because our youth ministry is amazing and we're seeing the fruit of it every week. It just makes you wonder: Am I not in prayer enough for these kids? Did I do everything I could to engage that one while I had the chance? Because really, all I can do is reflect Christ and get the kids to a position where they can see Him themselves - but am I doing that? Am I praying enough? Is there something else in my life that would hinder the work of the Holy Spirit during youth services?
Lord, I ask for a fresh burden for the young people in McHenry County. Draw me into intercession on their behalves; annoint me to do the work You've called me to do. If there is something further I need to correct in myself, show me, Holy Spirit, what that is. Raise up a generation of young people in America who will lay down their lives every day for Your Name. Raise up a battle cry in the hearts of youth leaders all over this country to fight for their little brothers and sisters. In Jesus' Name ...
Thursday, October 19, 2006
messy, weird, violent, passionate love
I got to speak at midweek service last night. That was fun. I like talking about Jesus, especially when He shows up and assists.
I was a little intimidated initially because it was Wednesday night - and you know the people who go to meetings mid-week are usually a little deeper in the things of God than your average Sunday morning crowd. I told my husband earlier in the week that I'd be way more comfortable talking on a Sunday morning than a Wednesday night, but wasn't really worried about it. It seemed Holy Spirit was ministering to some people, so it was a success as I'm concerned. He ministered to me for sure, I heard my voice start to wobble a couple times as I got overwhelmed at what I was speaking about. Sweet.
He is wonderfully, violently passionate for your (comparatively) weak, little soul!
I was a little intimidated initially because it was Wednesday night - and you know the people who go to meetings mid-week are usually a little deeper in the things of God than your average Sunday morning crowd. I told my husband earlier in the week that I'd be way more comfortable talking on a Sunday morning than a Wednesday night, but wasn't really worried about it. It seemed Holy Spirit was ministering to some people, so it was a success as I'm concerned. He ministered to me for sure, I heard my voice start to wobble a couple times as I got overwhelmed at what I was speaking about. Sweet.
He is wonderfully, violently passionate for your (comparatively) weak, little soul!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
looking forward to the inevitable...
... because you might as well.
What I like about autumn:
1. Leaves - obviously, everyone likes that about autumn. Especially people who live in apartments and don't have to rake leaves.
2. Hot apple cider. Best beverage ever - mark my words.
3. Pulling out sweaters for the first time in a while. By winter I wish I was in t-shirts again, but at least for fall sweaters are still nice. This goes for gloves, hats, scarves, etc.
4. Thanksgiving. Turkey and naps and pumpkin pie. Mm hmm.
5. Mums. I'd rake leaves if it meant I had a yard for mums, but I enjoy everyone else's.
6. Getting an extra hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time.
7. Soup! Ya, you can have soup in spring and summer, but its really much better in autumn. Panera Bread makes a fabulous black bean soup. I need to learn how to make soup this fall.
8. Trail of History. Its this event that goes down at Glacier Park north of McHenry, and its just really cool. Timothy doesn't care for it, but he takes me anyway. My favorite vendors are the people who make rootbeer and the people who make fresh kettle corn.
9. Bugs die. Stupid misquitoes.
10. Harvest. Come fall everyone with a garden has a kitchen counter full of yummy
tomatoes and carrots and zucchini. Its nice to go out and reap the fruits of your labors, and I like the slow process of harvesting seeds for next year, freezing/canning the extra ... Apple orchards are fun too (see #2 above). I like to think that the Lord plans accordingly for the season as well - its been my expereince that He gets a kick out of things like that. This year especially I'm choosing to believe it because there are a few other things I'd like to harvest soon.
Did I forget anything?
What I like about autumn:
1. Leaves - obviously, everyone likes that about autumn. Especially people who live in apartments and don't have to rake leaves.
2. Hot apple cider. Best beverage ever - mark my words.
3. Pulling out sweaters for the first time in a while. By winter I wish I was in t-shirts again, but at least for fall sweaters are still nice. This goes for gloves, hats, scarves, etc.
4. Thanksgiving. Turkey and naps and pumpkin pie. Mm hmm.
5. Mums. I'd rake leaves if it meant I had a yard for mums, but I enjoy everyone else's.
6. Getting an extra hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time.
7. Soup! Ya, you can have soup in spring and summer, but its really much better in autumn. Panera Bread makes a fabulous black bean soup. I need to learn how to make soup this fall.
8. Trail of History. Its this event that goes down at Glacier Park north of McHenry, and its just really cool. Timothy doesn't care for it, but he takes me anyway. My favorite vendors are the people who make rootbeer and the people who make fresh kettle corn.
9. Bugs die. Stupid misquitoes.
10. Harvest. Come fall everyone with a garden has a kitchen counter full of yummy
tomatoes and carrots and zucchini. Its nice to go out and reap the fruits of your labors, and I like the slow process of harvesting seeds for next year, freezing/canning the extra ... Apple orchards are fun too (see #2 above). I like to think that the Lord plans accordingly for the season as well - its been my expereince that He gets a kick out of things like that. This year especially I'm choosing to believe it because there are a few other things I'd like to harvest soon.Did I forget anything?
Monday, October 16, 2006
weak and foolish
Can I just say: I love my Bible. I really do. I've been an avid reader since I could read well enough to do it in an "avid" fashion, and a book that you can read a thousand times over and never get bored with is just a great investment.
I was reading about my buddy Jesus last night and he told this guy that the greatest commandment is to, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" (Matthew 26:37). I thought the last one was "strength."
So I flipped way back to Deuteronomy 6, and sure enough, verse 5 says, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." Hmm. Certainly Jesus did not, "Err, not knowing the scriptures," so what's the deal?
Confident that Jesus did not misquote Deuteronomy, I assume that in this context, "strength" and "mind" must be interchangable. I think this is especially true considering the audiences. In Deut, the Lord is talking to a people who were laborers in Egypt, nomads for forty years, and who are about to take over the land they were promised. They're lay-people. In Matthew, the Lord is talking to a lawyer; like most of us today, his strength was his mind.
When you love the Lord your God with all your heart, you have nothing left of your heart to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You trust Him with it completely, and when it starts to lie to you, you turn it over to Him to take care of. When you love the Lord your God with all your soul, you have nothing left of your will or emotions to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You forefeit them completely, and when they start to argue with Him you default to His will and His emotions.
When you love the Lord your God with all your strength, you can't even stand without leaning on Him. You voluntarily become weak according to the flesh. When you love the Lord your God with all your mind, you can't think about anything without thinking of Him, you don't think on things that aren't pleasing to Him, you try to think the way He does instead of the way thew world does. You don't seek revenge, don't live "survival of the fittest" or "every man for himself;" you exhibit mercy and love. You voluntarily become weak according to the world. The Romans wanted a strong king, the Greeks wanted a wise king ...
I was reading about my buddy Jesus last night and he told this guy that the greatest commandment is to, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" (Matthew 26:37). I thought the last one was "strength."
So I flipped way back to Deuteronomy 6, and sure enough, verse 5 says, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." Hmm. Certainly Jesus did not, "Err, not knowing the scriptures," so what's the deal?
Confident that Jesus did not misquote Deuteronomy, I assume that in this context, "strength" and "mind" must be interchangable. I think this is especially true considering the audiences. In Deut, the Lord is talking to a people who were laborers in Egypt, nomads for forty years, and who are about to take over the land they were promised. They're lay-people. In Matthew, the Lord is talking to a lawyer; like most of us today, his strength was his mind.
When you love the Lord your God with all your heart, you have nothing left of your heart to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You trust Him with it completely, and when it starts to lie to you, you turn it over to Him to take care of. When you love the Lord your God with all your soul, you have nothing left of your will or emotions to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You forefeit them completely, and when they start to argue with Him you default to His will and His emotions.
When you love the Lord your God with all your strength, you can't even stand without leaning on Him. You voluntarily become weak according to the flesh. When you love the Lord your God with all your mind, you can't think about anything without thinking of Him, you don't think on things that aren't pleasing to Him, you try to think the way He does instead of the way thew world does. You don't seek revenge, don't live "survival of the fittest" or "every man for himself;" you exhibit mercy and love. You voluntarily become weak according to the world. The Romans wanted a strong king, the Greeks wanted a wise king ...
Friday, October 13, 2006
revival
Allow me, if you will, to just kind of stream-of-conciousness/brain-dump on the topic. Half of the worship team went out last night after practice for a family platter (anything and everything you could ever think to bread and deep-fry), and we got onto revival and the tension that's mounting in our church body.
There's definately a tension mounting. It starts with the leadership, right? I know the leadership is feeling it, and as much as I am a sub-leader at CITW there's a buzz in my spirit as well. It's exciting, but at the same time we think, "Am I ready?" Is it possible to be ready, though? No revival is ever like the one before; there's no way we could know exactly what to expect, so could we really prepare? Basic things yes: be prepared to recognize and remove "wild fire" while allowing Holy Spirit "fire" to burn, and keeping focus on Him rather than, say, the landscaping should circumstances pit the two against one another.
I heard someone speak a while ago about readying (word? who knows?) oneself in prayer, fasting, worship, etc. - but in doing it not unto revival, but unto His return. That gets me thinking about revival. Do we want a revival in the church to kind of strengthen and encourage us for a couple years before we go back to the way it was before? Or do we want to raise up the body of Christ to be prepared for His coming? When He comes back, and we're brought before Him, do we want to say, "Look, Lord, we had a great revival - the longest revival in modern history - that just ended two years ago!" or do we want to show Him that we're sustaining it, working with His Spirit with a fresh enthusiasm every day? Is revival an end or a means to an end?
One of the guys made a comment about revivals dying out because in the midst of revival, people stop doing what they did to get revival. We pray and seek God and press in during worship times and ask the Lord for revival. Then, when it hits it seems people get so excited they just ride it out instead of fuel it and ... gone.
I know another leader who suspects that revival tarries because too many people have already decided what it looks like. Too many people have studied history or come up with their own ideas, and they aren't necessarily real open to accepting a revival that doesn't start out the way they think it should. Hmm.
Thoughts?
There's definately a tension mounting. It starts with the leadership, right? I know the leadership is feeling it, and as much as I am a sub-leader at CITW there's a buzz in my spirit as well. It's exciting, but at the same time we think, "Am I ready?" Is it possible to be ready, though? No revival is ever like the one before; there's no way we could know exactly what to expect, so could we really prepare? Basic things yes: be prepared to recognize and remove "wild fire" while allowing Holy Spirit "fire" to burn, and keeping focus on Him rather than, say, the landscaping should circumstances pit the two against one another.
I heard someone speak a while ago about readying (word? who knows?) oneself in prayer, fasting, worship, etc. - but in doing it not unto revival, but unto His return. That gets me thinking about revival. Do we want a revival in the church to kind of strengthen and encourage us for a couple years before we go back to the way it was before? Or do we want to raise up the body of Christ to be prepared for His coming? When He comes back, and we're brought before Him, do we want to say, "Look, Lord, we had a great revival - the longest revival in modern history - that just ended two years ago!" or do we want to show Him that we're sustaining it, working with His Spirit with a fresh enthusiasm every day? Is revival an end or a means to an end?
One of the guys made a comment about revivals dying out because in the midst of revival, people stop doing what they did to get revival. We pray and seek God and press in during worship times and ask the Lord for revival. Then, when it hits it seems people get so excited they just ride it out instead of fuel it and ... gone.
I know another leader who suspects that revival tarries because too many people have already decided what it looks like. Too many people have studied history or come up with their own ideas, and they aren't necessarily real open to accepting a revival that doesn't start out the way they think it should. Hmm.
Thoughts?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Not in Kansas ...
Do you ever just stop sometimes and look around and think, "Cool ... wait, when did I get here?"
I just adore the way God works. We ask for things - we ask Him to do things in us, proceed to whine about it because we think He's not doing it, and then one day its just done and we think, "Man, I didn't see that coming."
So often I think we go through life just doing life with our eyes locked ahead of us. We live like we drive (unless you drive like my husband, because I swear he looks out the side windows more than he does the windsheild): drop our eyes to the pavement just beneath us every so often to make sure there's no new obstical, scan the sides of the road anticipating some small animal or child less aware of its surroundings, and mostly stare straight ahead until something forces us to stop.
I stopped yesterday when I saw something good, and it got my attention in such a way that I looked around (and within) for a minute and thought, "Cool ... wait, when did I get here?"
1. My heart has expanded. It's true that you will not be tested beyond your ability, but He will test you right up to that point. Tuesday night I thought that point had come, but half-way into it discovered I was a full eigth-inch within the boundaries of "my ability." I think sometimes we underestimate our ability (especially in Christ), and blame God.
2. Jesus is real. For two years this doubt would creep up on me in the most insignificant moments. If I was believing or praying for something big, my faith was full and I was good. If I was in the middle of normal Sunday morning worship, this voice would break in, "What if it's all a lie?" It was never a huge struggle to shut it up, but lately during prayer and worship ... I don't know how to describe it, He's just real. As real as I am to me.
3. Prayer affects me. Twice in two days I've had people pray for me and it's hit me like a club. Sometimes we go through really stressful or really hopeless times and people pray things like, "Holy Spirit, comfort her ... be her strength ... fill her with Your joy ..." We think, "Ya, that's nice," but five minutes later we feel the same, and the person who prayed doesn't expect it to really happen because they open their eyes and give you this sympathetic, puppy-dog face. It's really been happening though, and it's awesome.
So rest assured, He's working. If it doesn't seem like He is, be excited because soon you'll look around and wonder how on earth you got where you are - and He'll get all the glory.
I just adore the way God works. We ask for things - we ask Him to do things in us, proceed to whine about it because we think He's not doing it, and then one day its just done and we think, "Man, I didn't see that coming."
So often I think we go through life just doing life with our eyes locked ahead of us. We live like we drive (unless you drive like my husband, because I swear he looks out the side windows more than he does the windsheild): drop our eyes to the pavement just beneath us every so often to make sure there's no new obstical, scan the sides of the road anticipating some small animal or child less aware of its surroundings, and mostly stare straight ahead until something forces us to stop.
I stopped yesterday when I saw something good, and it got my attention in such a way that I looked around (and within) for a minute and thought, "Cool ... wait, when did I get here?"
1. My heart has expanded. It's true that you will not be tested beyond your ability, but He will test you right up to that point. Tuesday night I thought that point had come, but half-way into it discovered I was a full eigth-inch within the boundaries of "my ability." I think sometimes we underestimate our ability (especially in Christ), and blame God.
2. Jesus is real. For two years this doubt would creep up on me in the most insignificant moments. If I was believing or praying for something big, my faith was full and I was good. If I was in the middle of normal Sunday morning worship, this voice would break in, "What if it's all a lie?" It was never a huge struggle to shut it up, but lately during prayer and worship ... I don't know how to describe it, He's just real. As real as I am to me.
3. Prayer affects me. Twice in two days I've had people pray for me and it's hit me like a club. Sometimes we go through really stressful or really hopeless times and people pray things like, "Holy Spirit, comfort her ... be her strength ... fill her with Your joy ..." We think, "Ya, that's nice," but five minutes later we feel the same, and the person who prayed doesn't expect it to really happen because they open their eyes and give you this sympathetic, puppy-dog face. It's really been happening though, and it's awesome.
So rest assured, He's working. If it doesn't seem like He is, be excited because soon you'll look around and wonder how on earth you got where you are - and He'll get all the glory.
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