Esther of Elgin

moving

2008-12-23T15:55:00.003-06:00

I'm doing it. I'm moving to Wordpress. Their templates are hideous (although I found one that's amusing-ly appropriate) and I can't stand CSS, but I want "The Esther Project" and their behind-the-scenes stuff is great.

So it's not all set up yet, but it's not like I'm any kind of professional or anything. Change your bookmarks and links (please) to:

theestherproject.wordpress.com

If I ever find time to blog again, it'll be there!

Advent Day 19

2008-12-18T12:45:00.003-06:00

I dig the Advent Conspiracy. I don't know when they started this, but I first heard about it a couple years ago. It seems they're gaining momentum. Watch the video, then check 'em out here.

Advent Day 18

2008-12-17T13:45:00.002-06:00

Matthew 24:37/But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.

So I thought I'd look at the days of Noah. In light of yesterday's post, the beginning of chapter 7 caught my attention:

Genesis 7:1/Then the LORD said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are righteous before Me in this generation.

It was "in this generation" that grabbed me. The generation in question is the one that is found so wicked, they merit complete destruction. A chapter earlier we read, "Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually" (Genesis 6:5).

Every intent was only evil ... continually.

That's pretty bad. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that generation was more displeasing (wicked, evil - choose your loaded adjective) than ours. I'm sure that's where we're headed, since the Lord said the last days would be like the days of Noah, but that's not the point today.

Noah was found righteous before God in that generation. Moreso, Noah was the only one found righteous before God in that generation. Surrounded by perversion, violence, immorality, and hatred - with no mentor or pastor -Noah maintained his heart before God.

If that's what God expected of His people in the beginning, it's what He expects of His people in the end too. Surrounded by our culture, and in the midst of a deteriorating society, God expects us to be found righteous before Him. He understands our temptations, but He doesn't excuse falling for them.

Noah did it in the middle of that generation. Shouldn't we be able to do it in ours?

Advent Day 17

2008-12-16T16:28:00.004-06:00

Gay Group Organizes 'Pink Christmas' in Amsterdam

I debated about posting this.

It bothers me that Christians are known - in our society - for what we are against. It bothers me that people associate negative images more often than images of love and compassion. I try not to go there.

But you know what? Jesus is against some things. He's not against people, but He's against sin. He died to pry people (whom He's not against) from sin (which He is against).

I'm not against people. The Bible says that everyone sins. I'm not holier than thou. I am against sin, though - in your life and mine - because God is.

And I realize there are people who will read this as "Blah blah blah blah God hates fags blah blah blah." That's not true - and that's not what I'm saying - but I know that some people are just so bitter and hurt and broken that that's all they'll hear.

I can't tailor my voice around people who cling to sin, though. Jesus didn't.

So I don't hate these people, but what they're doing bothers me.

The festival features "a manger stall with two Josephs and two Marys." The event "intends to increase the range of options for homosexual men and women during the Christmas holiday week."

Increase the range of options? Options? For Christmas? Does the idea - forget that it's focusing on homosexuals - seem strange to anyone else? We need options for Christmas now?

Your option is whether or not to celebrate Christmas. If you don't want to celebrate Christmas, there are other options. Winter Solstice. Hanukkah. Eid. You could even just go secular "Christmas" and just do Santa Claus and stockings and that whole bit.

I understand the desire for equal rights. I understand fighting against stereotypes that tend to invalidate your lifestyle. This I don't understand. Set up a nativity scene with two Josephs? That's just not how it happened. That's where you move from remembering and celebrating the holiday, to imposing your views and distorting the truth just because it makes you more comfortable or makes some sort of statement you can rally behind.

Advent is a time to anticipate His coming. These days that we're living in are to prepare us for His return. These are times for me to mold myself into His image, not the other way around.

Break for Ornament Making

2008-12-15T12:15:00.006-06:00

Husband and I started this a couple years ago. Whether or not we skipped a year recently is debatable since no one seems to remember. Which is weird.

Our first Christmas tree was barren because it was our first Christmas and we didn't have Rubbermaid tubs full of ornaments to haul out. So we invited people (read: student ministry leaders, mostly) over to make ornaments. It was so much fun we threw out the ornaments with the tree so we could do it again the following year (and because that apartment was tiny and one less thing to store was okay).

This year it was more like a student ministry leader reunion/ornament-making party. Good times.

There are more pictures on Facebook.

Someday, our kids are going to think it's weird that people store Christmas decorations. :)

Advent Day 13

2008-12-12T17:09:00.002-06:00

First, two thoughts I'm toying with.

1- Moving the blog to WordPress. There are pros and cons. The biggest con being I don't know CSS and their templates are hideous.

2- Starting another blog on which to archive the mess of ideas and information in my head about the emerging generation/emerging church/digital natives/etc. I study these things at work and they're becoming more and more applicable, which means more and more people are talking about them. How technology has changed the next generation and what the Church needs to do about it. Not sure if I should do that stuff here, or start another forum for that.

I'm open for wisdom on both accounts. I'm also open for anyone who wants to help me with CSS.

Advent Day 13
Are you ready for this?

"What if ... just what if ... we aren't raptured before the tribulation?" Husband was asking a friend recently. "What if we're here for all of it?"

"I don't know," was the reply (or so I'm told). "I hadn't thought of that."

I don't want to argue about when exactly the rapture is going to happen. I've thrown myself into the issue for the past couple months and I'm secure in my understanding of scripture. The conversation tends to be divisive and I don't feel like arguing this evening.

What I do feel like doing is examining my heart toward the Lord.

So what if? What if the interpretation that says believers will be taken from the earth after (or sometime during) the tribulation is true? If we've believed all our lives that we'll be whisked away just in time, what happens if I'm suddenly in the midst of a natural disaster that wipes out a third of the global population? What if I suddenly start to realize that those horrible prophecies are happening and I'm still here? Do I still love Him?

What if loves ones make the wrong decision in that day and choose to stand against Him when He comes to establish His kingdom on the earth? He is just and His judgments are true. Do I still worship Him?

Read the first six verses of Isaiah 63. It's going to happen (whether I'm here or not). Do I still run to Him?

The western world knows Jesus - especially at this time of year - as "Wonderful, Counselor ... Prince of Peace." He is those things. But He's also a warrior. There will be peace, but not at the cost of justice.

When it happens, though - when He's true to Himself instead of true to my understanding of Him - will I love Him the same? Will I worship Him the same?

Advent Day 12

2008-12-11T13:02:00.003-06:00

"What Child Is This?" is probably one of my favorite Christmas songs. I like how it captures the mystery of the Nativity.

And I like ZOEgirl's rendition of it. I don't know who put this on YouTube, but it's the only version I could find. The picture doesn't change, so you can hit play and keep reading.

What Child is this who, laid to rest, on Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet, while shepherds watch are keeping?

This, this is Christ the King, whom shepherds guard and angels sing,
Haste, haste to bring Him laud, the Babe, the Son of Mary.

Why lies He in such mean estate, where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christians, fear for sinners here, the silent Word is pleading.

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through, the cross be borne for me and you.
Hail, hail the Word made flesh, the Babe, the Son of Mary.

So bring Him frankincense, gold and myrrh, come peasant, king to own Him,
The King of kings salvation brings, let loving hearts enthrone Him.

Raise, raise a song on high, the virgin sings her lullaby
Joy, joy for Christ is born, the Babe, the Son of Mary.

A child is born to a new couple in horrible circumstances, and yet what was the atmosphere that night? How heavy was the presence of God at the moment that He first breathed as a man? What was the spiritual scene? How many of the angels were there, looking on in wonder and amazement that Yahweh would do such a thing? Could Mary and Joseph know, or feel, the weight of what had just happened?

Was this the song that everyone sang that night? "What Child is this?" The angels because of how incomprehensible that God would become human for the sake of those who hate and reject Him? The shepherds because for their entire lives they'd heard stories that one day ... one day the Messiah would come to deliver their people? Mary and Joseph because of the trials they had endured and overcome to get that far?

How many other new babies lay in their mothers' laps that evening, and yet this one ... What Child is this? What has God done? What is He doing? Where does His perfect plan go from here? How can a baby, born in a stable, be the answer to Israel's prayers? To the world's desperation?

Advent Day 11

2008-12-10T12:36:00.002-06:00

This piece was painted by Andrew Gadd for the Churches Advertising Network. You can download it for free here.

Francis Goodwin, Chair of CAN, commented, "We want to challenge people to make them reassess what the birth of Jesus means to them."

Gadd had this to say about it:

"The bus stop when simplified is like a stable. It is after all a shelter; a place people go to but never want to be. So where better to stage a nativity? How unlikely! The image reflects the environment it will be shown in, and therefore includes the viewer. Which is what it is all about."

My favorite part about the painting is that some people are engaged - standing still in the cold to watch what God is doing, while others are oblivious - checking bus schedules or hailing a cab, too concerned with their own lives to see what's going on right next to them.

What does the birth of Christ mean to me? How often do I stay still, even in the cold, to watch what God is doing? To meditate on what He did 2000 years ago in a stable? Am I too busy to see the miracle right next to me?

The same is true of His approaching return. What does it mean to me really? Do I ever hold still long enough to watch what He's doing - without worrying, without planning, without trying to figure it out? Do I ever just admire Him in it?

When He comes again it won't be a secret, silent night. No one will have to paint it on bus stops in order to include the viewers. Those two responses, however, will still be available: watch in wonder of a merciful, loving God, or remain caught up in myself and miss it.

Advent Day 10

2008-12-09T15:59:00.006-06:00

It's been brought to my attention that my numbers are incorrect, since Advent actually began on the 30th, the 9th of December is Advent Day #10. My deepest apologies.

I've been thinking about Joseph since my little incident with the soap box a couple days ago. Joseph of Nazareth. Joseph "the Carpenter." Whatever you want to call him. Not the one with the technicolor dream coat. The New Testament Joseph.

My impression of Joseph developed after watching The Nativity. If you haven't seen that movie yet, you absolutely have to rent it this year. If you have, you probably saw Joseph in a new light too.

Joseph may go down in history as one of the greatest examples of servant-hood, because history remembers little about him.

Paul (the apostle) was a great servant of God, but he also wrote much of the New Testament. Mary (the womb) was a great servant of God, and to this day she's heralded almost as a goddess herself. David was a great servant of God, and thousands of years later is remembered as Israel's greatest king. They all went through their hardships, but they're also all remembered. No one knows much about Joseph today.

Consider this man's journey. He's just your typical Jewish carpenter in a worthless little town called Nazareth. He's lower-middle-class, blue-collar boring. He finds a girl he likes and they're engaged. To Joseph, that means he has a year to build a house and prepare a place for his bride. She goes on a vacation during that time to "visit her cousin," and comes back obviously pregnant.

Scandal.

This is a small, everybody-knows-your-name town. Everybody knows that Joseph is engaged to a young woman who did not keep herself for him. She's shameful. She's a slut. The law suggests she be stoned to death for her crime; it's that serious in this culture.

He's hurt and confused, and now he has a decision to make. He can uphold the law - and defend his name - by calling for her execution, or he can "put her away quietly" and be considered weak. He chooses the later.

We know the story. At the word of an angel of God, Joseph takes this woman as his wife anyway. Don't think that was easy to do. Then he takes her on a journey - I don't know how long - to his home town to be registered. All the movies show her riding on a donkey, but the scriptures never actually mention a donkey. She may have walked. That was sloooooow going. And we all know that pregnant women can be cranky and irrational and crave weird things. Who knows what that journey was like for the poor man.

And if you want to get really practical, consider he hadn't even gotten to "know" - as they say - his wife. They weren't even really married yet. He went through the whole pregnant wife/child birthing thing as a virgin himself. Poor guy.

To this day he gets very little thanks among men. People worship Mary, but no one even knows when Joseph died. He just vanishes from the story after they lose Jesus in the temple as a boy.

And - I love this - have you ever noticed he never speaks in scripture? Not one word is recorded in any of the gospels as, "and Joseph said, '...'" There's no record of complaint. No record of questioning. No record of boasting. He just listened and obeyed the voice of the Lord. He carted a woman and a baby from Nazareth to Bethlehem to Egypt and back again, providing for all of their physical needs along the way, in quiet, humble obedience. In return, history on earth has largely forgotten him.

Would that I were more like Joseph.

Advent Day 5 and 6

2008-12-06T14:16:00.004-06:00

Day 5
Missed you yesterday, 'cause Fridays are insane for me. I was just going to point you to another Advent calendar you may enjoy. Amazon.com is giving away one free Christmas song/day. Fun. Here.

Day 6
So about this ... oh look, what's this? Oh, it's a little soap box. How did this get here? Hmm. It's not very pretty, but it looks hella sturdy. Let me just see if I can climb up on top of ...

I'm going to say this. I am. And no, it's not pretty, but it's sturdy and I'm sure it will hold me. I may even jump up and down on it a little bit 'cause I'm just that comfortable on it.

I work at a church two days a week. Three days a week I work for a company that works for churches. I read lots and lots of pastor and church-people blogs and books. I'm up to my eyeballs in Western church stuff. And a lot of the time, it's really stinkin' irritating. So here goes:

Christians, the church does not exist to serve you.

Ya, ya. Everybody knows that and I'm sure it doesn't apply to you. Humor me, though, and read it again. I mean the Church - capital "C" that represents believers, and the church - small "c" meaning a local congregation and it's leadership. Neither exists to serve you.

This thing is not about market niches or ad campaigns or superior customer service. It's not for you or by you. It should be the one non-residential building you will enter that will not cater to you. It should be the one budget to which contributing does not buy you an opinion.

My role as a believer is to go to the Lord, with my husband, about which local church our family is to be a part of, and how the gifts/talents that He has given us are to serve in that congregation. That's it. Sometimes, leadership does things that I don't understand. Occasionally, leadership does things that I don't agree with. I pray for my leaders, and I remember that it is God who exalts men into authority.

I don't leave a local congregation until God moves me. I don't "shop" or "date" or "hop" local churches when my current one does something I don't like. If something happens, and I'm taken out of my local church, we pray - and God tells us where to go.

It's about me serving the body of Christ in whatever capacity in which He puts me. Imagine if everyone in your church was focused on how they can serve the church, instead of how the church is helping them. We might actually reach the lost. People in our communities might actually get saved. Churches might actually be the hands and feet of Christ.

Because really, it's not the job of the local church - or her leadership - to grow you spiritually. She helps, because she's nice. But someday each one of us will answer for our own Bible studies, our own prayer lives, our own giving records, etc. "My church never talked about tithing," isn't going to cut it at the end of the day. It's the job of the local church to provide a place where non-believers can find their way to Christ. It's there to help you bring your unsaved friends to God. It's about non-Christians.

And there's your Advent meditation for the day. Let's prepare for His coming by become better servants - like He told us to.

Advent Day 4

2008-12-04T12:27:00.003-06:00

Today, a practical Advent activity.

I like the guys over at The Plow. They do cool graphics stuff for churches (not their official mission statement). They also make a lot of their stuff available for free download. Who doesn't like a good, free download?

This is their latest:

And their tips on how you can participate:

Download the art here, or go to the website to download. Print it out, and get ready for action.
Staple the posters up on telephone poles.
Hammer the biggest nail you can find right in the center of the red.
Share the site with all of your friends. Post it on your blog, facebook, twitter and every other social media site you use.

Pretty cool. So meditate on the comings of Christ and prepare yourself spiritually for Christmas (and the Second Coming), but then go nail some of these to telephone poles too.

Advent Day 3

2008-12-03T12:47:00.006-06:00

(HT: The image to the right was the result of a quick Google image search, but I actually really like it so I have to plug. Shaker Workshops makes that beauty and it's going for $50. You can buy me one if you want to.)

One of my favorite Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah is Isaiah 9. Verse 6 is the one you hear a lot this time of year, but start in verse 2:

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined.

You have multiplied the nation and increased its joy; They rejoice before You according to the joy of harvest, as men rejoice when they divide the spoil. For You have broken the yoke of his burden and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, as in the day of Midian. and fuel of fire.

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, to order it and establish it with judgment and justice from that time forward, even forever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

(v. 2-7)

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light ..."

When you turn from the end of Malachi to the beginning of Matthew, you brush 400 years by in a moment. For four hundred years, Israel hadn't heard from God. They lived repressed by the Roman empire, hoping against hope that any day now that King would come. For 400 years. Our country hasn't even been around for 400 years. That's probably about eight generations. Your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandparents were alive the last time God spoke to His people.

Four hundred years of waiting without hearing from God equals how many years of waiting with Holy Spirit rocking the planet? IDK.

Verses six and seven are fantastic 'cause they kind of smush the nativity together with His return. Two thousand years isn't much in light of eternity - obviously. I like how it ends:

"The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this."

zeal: eagerness and ardent interest in pursuit of something

In case there was any question.

The God who created the heavens and the earth with a breath came into His creation as the broke baby of a woman largely perceived as a slut. He died the most horrible death the Romans could contrive as an innocent Man. And soon, He will come back to establish His kingdom and be with us forever. Why?

Eagerness and ardent interest in pursuit of you.

Advent Day 2

2008-12-02T13:18:00.002-06:00

I really like this song. The skit going on is a little cheesy, but the song is great. I love the first verse:

Come, come and behold the Son
Come, come and behold the babe
Come, see what the Lord has done
Come, heaven has made a way ...

"See what the Lord has done ..."

Think about that. The fullness of God came to earth and was born in less than glamorous circumstances. A baby. A weak, slimy, baby. God. Creator. The one who spoke and it was. In a baby. That's ridiculous.

Not even a pretty, pampered baby. A broke baby. A broke baby born to what the world would ridicule as a weak man and a whore. The I AM. In a baby.

Lord, what have You done?

It will be a popular question again soon. Imagine. The sky splits in two. The dead rise. Believers are caught up in the air. War is raging and the Prince of Peace comes to establish His reign on the earth. The great and terrible day will come and for good or bad people will call, "Come, see what the Lord has done."

Advent

2008-12-01T16:59:00.003-06:00

Advent is a strange Christian tradition. It starts four Sundays before Christmas (for those of you who don't know), which was yesterday, and is supposed to ... I don't know ... anticipate Christmas. Anticipating Christmas in our society means shopping, racking up credit card debt, scheduling every free moment of every weekend, and being cranky at people in public (@tamipants).

The season of Advent means there is something on the horizon the likes of which we have never seen before… .What is possible is to not see it, to miss it, to turn just as it brushes past you. And you begin to grasp what it was you missed, like Moses in the cleft of the rock, watching God's [back] fade in the distance. So stay. Sit. Linger. Tarry. Ponder. Wait. Behold. Wonder. There will be time enough for running. For rushing. For worrying. For pushing. For now, stay. Wait. Something is on the horizon.

Jan L. Richardson, Night Visions

God bless the German Lutherans for advent calendars (and Christmas trees). You know - you peel off a tab every day and get candy or scripture, depending on the calendar you bought. I should find one of those for '08.

I found this quote in thinking/surfing about Advent:

It was not suddenly and unannounced that Jesus came into the world. He came into a world that had been prepared for him. The whole Old Testament is the story of a special preparation … . Only when all was ready, only in the fullness of his time, did Jesus come.

Phillips Brooks, The Consolations of God

This season should mean something more to Christians in general, but especially for Christians who are looking for - and expecting - His return. In a season of anticipation, what we are looking toward in the festivities is the nativity. The nativity points us to Christ, and that expectation of a coming King should be stirring our spirits toward the expectation of our King's return.

I'm going to try to make this blog my Advent calendar this year. I'm sure I'll miss days, but I'm going to try. What are we lifting our heads and looking for? Gifts? Family gatherings? Cards, parties and decorations? Yes. But let's also look for the God who became man, died in your place, and promised to come back for you one day soon ...

maybe punk IS dead

2008-11-26T12:29:00.002-06:00

Husband and I have been to two local shows in the past couple weeks. More than we've attended in a year ... or two.

Most recently was at Clearwater in Dundee. If you've never been, the floor in front of the stage is about six feet below the stage. It's a pit. There's a 21+ section that wraps around the pit on one side, level with the stage. Monday was the first time I'd spent much time there and the students who came with us acknowledged we were hanging out in the "retired punks" section. We nodded and smiled 'cause they didn't know the band coming through the speakers was one of the best Chicago punk bands ever, and better than anything they'd see live in their lives.

I realize bias is a dangerous thing, and that it may threaten what I'm about to say. I've thought it over, though, and I'm confident in my opening remark: My scene was so much better than this scene. I don't know if Your Scene Sucks makes tshirts with just that text on 'em, but I'm gonna check so I can wear it the next time I go check out someone's band.

Husband's comment sums it up perfectly: "It's like watching puberty. It's so awkward."

Do bands just not sing about stuff anymore, or did I hit a couple off shows? Girls and music and the occational horror story set to power chords. What? This is how we're spending our youth now? Where are the at least attempted intellectuals writing "damn the man" choruses? Where's the group of friends and fans who know all of the words and shout them like they matter? Where's the inspiration? The call to action? "This song's about love?" Spare me.

No one's even preaching to their choir anymore, and it's left the choirs to talk about cell phones. Bands are throwing up banners with their names on 'em because it's all about them, because they have no message. There are no ideas, so what do we promote? Us. We're the means and the end.

Even the response of the crowd is largely selfish. It's about the individual and how well he thrashes around. It's not about throwing yourself into a pit, or slamming yourself against someone else. It's not a group effort; it's about me.

I could venture into all kinds of spiritual discussions, but it's not even necessary.

After the band we came to support left the stage I held my breath hoping the Lawrence Arms would crackle through the strained sound system again. But they didn't. So we left. There was a time I would have berated someone for leaving a show early because their friends' band was done ... but that time is clearly forgotten.

What in the World is Going On?

2008-11-25T10:30:00.004-06:00

Thomas Nelson has this great deal going on for bloggers: They send you a free book of your choosing (from a selection of their newest releases) and you review it in at least 200 words. Interested? Here.

So my first job was What In The World Is Going On? by Dr. David Jeremiah. If you know me, you know I'm far too opinionated for 200 words to be a challenge. Here you go:

Dr. Jeremiah is a pastor, best-selling author, and host of an international television and radio program for Bible-teaching. I’d never heard of him, but his credentials are noteworthy.

In What in the World is Going On?, Dr. Jeremiah does a stunning – almost alarming – job of connecting the dots between Biblical end times prophecy and current events.

Chapters one through four, as well as seven and eight, and most of nine and ten are fantastic.

Chapter one discusses the rebirth of the nation of Israel according to Isaiah’s prophecy, “Who has heard such a thing? Who has seen such a thing? Shall the earth be made to give birth in one day? Or shall a nation be born at once?” (Isa 66:8) This chapter is not only deep, it’s emotional, and it taught me much about an aspect of the end times I thought I understood.

Chapter two discusses oil. I’d never heard oil discussed in the context of the end times, but Dr. Jeremiah helps the reader take a few steps back to display the big picture of tensions in the Middle East.

Chapter three discusses modern Europe. Dreams and visions from Daniel (chapters 2 and 7), as well as John’s revelation of the beast with 10 horns, are easily connected to the currently developing European Union.

Chapter four discusses Islamic Terrorism in no uncertain terms. I appreciate that Dr. Jeremiah doesn’t shy away from the topic. Rather, he gives a history of Islam and quotes many Muslim or former Muslim scholars and authors.

Chapter seven continues chapter three with a discussion on the emergence of the character known as the Antichrist. Dr. Jeremiah reviews biblical prophecy concerning this man – who he is and what he does – and then demonstrates how easily all that is foretold of such an evil man can be accomplished in our modern world.

Chapter eight discusses biblical prophecy concerning the enemies of Israel. They are named in Old Testament scriptures, but the names of many nations have changed. In this chapter, Dr. Jeremiah demonstrates how the enemies of Israel thousands of years ago are her enemies still today, and how they are currently aligning themselves to perfectly fulfill what is prophesied concerning them.

Chapters nine and ten discuss the war at Armageddon – which is actually a place – and the return of the King of kings. Much of these chapters is enlightening, but the whole of them – along with chapter six – is tainted by chapter five.

Chapter five discusses Dr. Jeremiah’s theory about the rapture – the time when Jesus comes back to claim His church. Some believe this will happen before the years of tribulation that will come over the earth, some think after. Dr. Jeremiah and I do not agree, and his interjection of this theory throughout the remained of the book was at first bothersome and eventually discerning.

I took it as an opportunity to clarify my beliefs about the rapture vs. the second coming. Dr. Jeremiah is much better versed in scripture and prophecy than I am, and if I was wrong I wanted to know. After several long afternoons and evenings of comparing notes and sorting through scripture, I’m not swayed at all by his ideas.

More than that, I found several occasions where scripture is quoted in part, and the part neglected may well contradict his theory! I also discovered at least once where scripture was referenced and implicated to say something it very clearly does not say.

Of course there are also several passages that make claims about the rapture or Christs’ second coming where no scriptural support is given. I respect that Dr. Jeremiah understood himself to be stating fact and that listing the biblical support for every assertion would surely add considerable length to the project. Still, as one trying to fight herself out of a rock and a hard place, I was looking for those scripture references and they were not given.

I certainly don’t presume to accuse Dr. Jeremiah of deliberately deceiving his audience. It may have been in many of these cases that he didn’t see the necessity in explaining pieces of his theory in greater detail, or that he believed some truth was easily understood that perhaps was not. It may also simply be that doctrine long held has a way of turning our eyes from scriptural contradictions.

That said, I believe his teaching on the rapture to be dangerously erroneous.

In all, however, What in the World is Going On? is a captivating, insightful, and very valuable read. For the weight of its subject, Dr. Jeremiah pens an easy read. I would highly recommend it to anyone – Christian or no – with the addendum that you look up the scriptures he references as you go, and after you’ve read it, we get together for coffee and a discussion of the rapture.

wish lists

2008-11-21T11:12:00.002-06:00

If your family is anything like mine you have relatives asking for Christmas wish lists right about now and you're thinking, "What about Thanksgiving?" Maybe in this economy, stores are trying to boost sales, but it seems Christmas has come really early this year.

My family draws names. Everyone buys a gift for one person. About $25.

The holidays can be stressful. Money is tight, expectations are high, and everyone's trying to sustain the jolliness for a month and a half. These are tense times we're living in, and the holidays tend to exacerbate tension.

Well, I'm here to help.

For those of you being badgered by family members with, "What do you want for Christmas?" I have answers. Not only does this mean one less thing for you to think about, one less list to compile, I have good answers.

Good answers means the things I am putting on your wish list will serve you well, be a positive and relaxing shopping experience for your loved ones, and fit within a modest budget. Everybody wins.

I submit to you, your Christmas Wish List '08:

Any of these gifts will serve you well by driving a wedge between your heart and the consumerism that's trying to choke it to death. They are all pleasant shopping experiences for your loved ones because they can be taken care of from the comfort of their own homes, or nearest wireless providing cafes. And they're all $30 or less!

Merry Christmas!

oh yes, it's that time

2008-11-20T20:27:00.002-06:00

So I'm reading this book. It's a good book. It was a great book until the author got to this theory on the tribulation vs. the rapture, and I just do not agree. I've read his stuff. I'm unconvinced.

The rest of the book is good and I'll blog more about it soon ('cause that was the deal - I get a free book, I post a review). I wanted to share a couple paragraphs with you in the meantime, though. This is from Dr. David Jeremiah's What in the World is Going On?

"Paul-Henri Spaak, the first president of the UN General Assembly, first president of the European Parliament, and onetime secretary general of NATO, is credited with making the following stunning statement:

"'We do not need another committee. We have too many already. What we want is a man of sufficient stature to hold the allegiance of all people, and to lift us out of the economic morass into which we are sinking. Send us such a man and be he god or devil, we will receive him.'"

Bring on the beast, the world is ready to welcome him.

an open letter to the ladies

2008-11-12T12:35:00.003-06:00

(Especially the young, unmarried ladies.)

There are days when I wish I could just round up every Jr. High and High School-aged young lady and have a meeting. Today is one of those days. Short of that:

You are not a sex symbol or object. Your value is not determined by how revealing or tight or trendy your clothing is. You can smile in pictures instead of trying to look disheveled or pouty or alluring.

Your identity is not in the guy you're with until you've taken his name. Your worth is not determined by how many young men are attracted to you. I'd set myself on fire if there were some way to really move this idea into your spirit. Your role is not to flirt with every attractive male you meet. You're not even obligated to return the attention they give you.

It's okay if you believe that every guy wants nothing from you but sex. Someday the one who is the one will convince you otherwise. If he can't, he's not the one.

Your heart is a liar. "Deceitful above all things and desperately wicked," is how the Lord phrases it. Don't listen to it when it tells you you're in love. God is love. God defines love, not your weak human heart.

There is a time for everything. If you're a student living with her parents and making minimum wage (if anything), you are not in a time for romance. You are in a time for study, learning, family, growing, and finding your place in God's kingdom plans. It doesn't seem exciting because it's not the stuff of prime time teevee, but if you could see it for what it is you'd be less inclined to try to skip this season. This is your Esther season, your Joan of Arc season, but whether you see it or not, you can't skip it. Attempting to do so will hurt you and everyone around you for years to come. You can't skip it, but you can fail at it.

The truth is, God has so much more for you right now. He wants to meet you in prayer. He wants to use you in ways the apostles never dreamed of. He wants to send you out to change lives. You will never again have so much free time, expendable income, energy, and capacity for vision as you have right now - even if it seems like you're really short on any or all of those things, trust me.

God has so much for you right now. The rest of it is BS distraction because the world and your enemy don't want you to fight, to do something amazing with your life. The fashion, the impossible beauty standards, the dating, the guys, and the rest of the scene are distractions.

Don't fall for it. I beg you: Don't fall for it. If I light myself on fire will you promise not to fall for it? I'm that willing. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. There is _ so _ much _ more.

warrior

2008-11-11T15:52:00.003-06:00

I watched Kung Fu Panda three times last weekend. Dustin Hofman is fantastic, as always. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. It's laugh-out-loud funny. And for what it's worth, Timothy wanted to watch it the second time. He never does that. We'll leave Blockbuster empty handed before he'll rent a movie we've already seen.

We rented it Saturday evening. Watched it again Sunday over lunch. And again Sunday night at my parents' house 'cause I knew my mom would probably pee herself laughing. And that's always fun.

There's one scene where Master Shifu (Dustin Hofman, who is - by the way - fantastic) is trying to meditate. He's had a very stressful few days. It's late at night. His students are in bed, and he's sitting with a few candles going, "Inner ... peace ... in ... in ... inner peace ..."

Then, of course, he gets distracted and the plot line continues to move forward, but for whatever reason that scene (the third time I'd seen it in two days) snatched my attention. The movie and the laughter went on without me for a few moments as I lay on the couch considering.

There are a couple scenes in the movie wherein the characters are having deep conversations by moonlight. And here was Master Shifu meditating in the middle of the night. Am I to believe the characters hardly sleep?

In another scene, the morning bell is rung and, fast as lightning, the students throw open their bedroom doors and appear in the hallway with a unison, "Good morning, master."

I don't know much about kung fu, but I know that these ideas are universally associated with warriors and excellence. The point of Kung Fu Panda was not to genuinely portray the lifestyle of a kung fu master, but when writers and story boarders were trying to assemble a believable script these kinds of disciplines were included.

There I was, laying on my parents' couch, moved to jealousy by Jack Black as a CGI panda with a boyish fantasy about kung fu.

Because the truth is, people do this. People live like this. Warriors live like this. Masters live like this. People with a vision to push themselves to be the best they can be live like this. Am I?

My God is my King is my Master is a warrior. I was born in the middle of a war to fight in battle day after day after day. Not just for two weeks toward the end of summer, or as the mood strikes me. Am I?

People deny themselves every day for lesser things. People train late and rise early every day for temporary treasures. People live lives wholly and unconditionally devoted to so much less than Christ.

It seems so daunting now, but I know that this life is but a vapor. Before I know it I'll be on the other side of eternity, and I'll see just how short this life really is. Will I be able to look back on it and say that I gave my all? Or will I look back and see that I slept in most mornings because I didn't really believe in the lateness of the hour?

I want to see the former. I want to stand before the Lord and know that I prayed and I studied and I preached and I worshiped and I gave like I believed Him. I want to be found faithful when He calls.

$5?

2008-11-10T12:04:00.005-06:00

Ever heard of Soles for Souls? They like to give people shoes, basically.

They launched a new challenge today: 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days. Tall order? Maybe. You can donate two pair for $5. That's a much, much shorter order. Three clicks and five bucks is all it takes. Here. I did it. You can do it.

Other fun ways to get involved:

Blog it. The campaign starts today, so they're asking bloggers to light up the 'sphere with posts and links and encouragement (and to lead by example). There are buttons and banners on the website, and a full press release on the ...
Facebook! You can join the Facebook group here.

I know the economy isn't the greatest, and we're less inclined to give when times are tough but people need shoes. Their economy sucks more than ours. If you don't need shoes, I'd wager you can do $5.

If you're down, post a comment and let us all know you bought a couple pairs of shoes!

churches do not compete with other churches

2008-11-06T12:48:00.005-06:00

Period.

At least they shouldn't. I don't think they do. Any local church that's in competition with other local churches is really in competition with God. Your church is the body of Christ, but so is theirs. You're punching yourself in the face, and you look stupid.

I keep hearing about this competition thing lately and it's really, really getting obnoxious. And you know where it started? In me.

Driving to church several weeks ago I noticed that Harvest put one of their Authentic Jesus series yard signs in the little grassy area at the intersection of 31 and Tollgate. I chuckled to myself as I pictured pulling over on Tollgate to pull the thing out. Good humored fun. I wasn't really going to do it, but it was a funny thought.

For a fraction of a second until Holy Spirit slapped me.

"Who are you to stop someone from going where I want them to go?"

Local churches are all a little different. Harvest, from what I understand, has a great ministry for new Christians, or church dropouts who are thinking about returning. They're big. They can put together quality productions. Its easy for nervous, new people to get lost in the crowd. There's a certain credibility that comes with being big and established in our society.

There are dozens of smaller local churches in Elgin that do other things better than Harvest, but there are people who will go to Harvest that wouldn't go to any of those smaller churches for whatever reason. If someone is uncomfortable going to a smaller church, or a church that speaks in tongues, or a church that's in a renovated strip mall, or whatever - praise God if they'll go to Harvest and meet Christ.

I passionately repented.

This is not a contest. Churches that try to reach Christians instead of atheists and agnostics and Muslims (etc.) are missing the point. There are people out there who call themselves Christians and are not attending a church, and those people need to get into a church. Definitely. But those people aren't attending a local church for a reason. Maybe it's because the churches they used to attend weren't doing anything worthwhile, so they failed to see the point of church.

Reach to the farthest edges and you'll catch the ones only half-way out too. We're fishers of men, and fishermen in Jesus' day used nets. Not lines.

I'm sorry if this is a little forward, but it seems like I've been seeing this attitude all over the place and I don't know how else to respond.

I love a story Craig Groeschel shared on his blog a while back. They were struggling through some division in their congregation, so Craig researched other churches in town. He got up one Sunday morning and explained the mission and vision of their church. He then told them if they weren't on board for that, there were brochures in the lobby for something like a dozen other churches in town. He assured people that he knows all the pastors and their ministries are sound. Hundreds of new seats were open the following week, and the leadership team was excited to fill those seats with people who could get on board with what they were doing.

What was not the point, but implied, is that their leadership team is not competing with other churches in town.

And I'm over it.

We need to stop punching ourselves in the face. Remember that scene in Fight Club where Pitt and Norton are fighting in the parking lot and the two other guys are looking at them funny? Then, at the end of the movie they play that scene back the way it "really" happened, and it's the two guys watching Norton beat himself up? That's stupid. That's what we're doing.

President Obama

2008-11-05T12:07:00.004-06:00

Just trying it on.

I didn't stay up late last night, and I only checked CNN on my phone once. There wasn't much question, and even little hope after Pennsylvania fell. Still, I went to bed hopeful.

So this morning I was disappointed, but not surprised.

But the election was yesterday. Today is November 5, 2008 and the world is still turning. I still had to go to work this morning, and Jesus is still on His throne.

Michael Hyatt, the President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, posted a good bit on his blog this morning. It's not very long. You can read it here, but the crux of it is this:

I am publicly making four commitments to President-Elect Barack Obama:
I will pray for him and our country.

I will assume his motives are good, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I will not speak ill of him, even if I don’t always agree with him.

I will cast off the spirit of cynicism, and be a positive force for good.
Can you make these four commitments?

I can - with one footnote on #3, which I left in his comments section. I will not speak ill of Mr. Obama personally, which I'm fairly sure is what Michael means. I will, however, maintain at a higher standard my commission to speak Truth. God holds His word above His Name; I hold His word above President-Elect Obama's name.

But for years I've supported President Bush and expected people who don't like him to pay him the respect due as our President. Time to put my money where my mouth is and do the same for the next President.

How about you? Sign your name in the Comments and commit to be a Christian regarding our next President.

And if you're interested, the full text of his acceptance speech from last night is here. Don't read it if you're still bitter.

election day

2008-11-04T10:08:00.004-06:00

I thought about this this morning as I shuffled into our polling place in my slippers: Why isn't Election Day a national holiday?

Seriously. No school. Close the banks. Close the market. Shut stuff down.

What greater day do we, as a nation, have to celebrate? How many men and women have died for this day? How many spouses and parents have folded U.S. flags for this day? How many people have sacrificed in times of war - all for the first Tuesday of every other November? This is a big day when we have the opportunity to live for what so many others have died for; why should it be a chore and a ding out of our paychecks to get to the voting booth?

I realize we have Veteran's Day and Memorial Day, and those are good days. But why not take the day we actually go to the polls to exercise our expensive freedoms as a day to remember too?

I'm not lobbying for an extra day off, here, either. Move Veteran's Day to the first Saturday of November if that makes it easier. It just seems like we talk about vote, vote, vote. It's your responsibility. It's your duty. It's a liberty that comes at a high price. And all those things are true, but they become mere slogans when we get up early to vote and then rush to work and forget about the whole thing until the evening news.

I also have to wonder what it would do for voter turn-out. One less excuse.

Just a thought for you on this lovely Election Day.

Oh, and don't forget: Free (tall) Starbucks coffee when you flash your "I Voted" sticker.

grace meets truth

2008-11-03T12:41:00.002-06:00

I think I missed an opportunity last night. Sitting at dinner with my family, my dad asked if we got ourselves registered to vote at our new address in time. We did. "How will you be voting, then?"

I caved.

I saw my very liberally-minded, non-Christian younger brother sitting next to me out of the corner of my eye and thought about how I was going to text him today to see if we could get together for a bit after work. I got intimidated at the divisive nature of politics, and at the fear of alienating him and voiding anything I'd say to him for weeks ... I just shrugged off the question.

And I drove home really disappointed in myself.

I drove home really disappointed that I couldn't just say I'd be voting against Obama, and let the Holy Spirit do the job of ministering to my brother.

I drove home disappointed that I couldn't just say, "I'm not excited about McCain - I don't believe he'll do much for our nation - but I'm voting against Obama because as charismatic as he is, he's only been in national politics for two years, and in those two short years he's earned one of the most liberal voting records in the Senate. He even voted against outlawing partial-birth abortion.

"He's never served in the military, and I don't believe for a minute that he has any respect for that uniform.

"He's a Marxist. He has so many new programs and so many tax cuts planned he doesn't seem to realize that one plus one doesn't equal nine.

"He has questionable ties and assocations that no one is allowed to ask about or research. He's hiding something about Harvard. He's (along with the L.A. Times) hiding something about Israel.

"And his wife freaks me out."

So there. At least I got to say it to you I guess.

pregnant

2008-10-28T10:36:00.003-05:00

I'm not (but oh to have been a fly on the wall when some of you read that title).

I just want to let everyone know that someday (and I have no idea when that day will be) when I am pregnant, I will tell you. I promise.

Every time I withhold details on a blog post or Facebook status or Twitter update I get emails and messages. "Are you pregnant?!" No. And I promise not to be sneaky about it when I am. I don't know what seems to have convince just about everyone I know that I plan on hiding it someday, but rest assured - I'm not mean. I'll tell you, probably not first (although I'm open to bribes), but I will. Promise.

Until then: No.

what was I thinking?

2008-10-25T12:48:00.003-05:00

I finished a great book for work recently called It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It by Craig Groeschel. Good book. Highly recommend it ... if you're in ministry.

At the end of the book Craig shares three simple prayers he's been praying for years. I thought they sounded really good, and I probably got a little competitive. "If Craig can pray it, I can pray it."

Anything you can do I can do better.

I don't even remember all three now. I meant them when I prayed them. I weighed the risks - albeit briefly - of praying them, but you know: you're there in the moment and you've convinced yourself that you really do want to be everything God has for you to be no matter what the cost. And you're feeling bold and strong and as though you really can do all things through Christ.

It's like Holy Spirit sometimes masks sanity temporarily so we'll put ourselves in His path of loving destruction.

I was there. So when I say I weighed the risks ... I did it in a spirit of amazing faith. Which, now, seems to have eased up on me, having accomplished it's mission.

The one I remember was "Stretch me."

Timothy and I were talking about circumstances and situations recently and I remembered that prayer.

Me: "I asked God to stretch me."
Husband: "Without telling me?"

get the popcorn

2008-10-23T12:45:00.002-05:00

'Cause you know how I feel about Thursdays. (And because I only have 12 minutes left of my lunch break. Someone cover my salary and this blog will get much better.)

This is "The Difference" by Philmont. I know nothing about this band, but the lyrics are good and this video is cute.

(HT: Craig Snedeker)

This is a monkey riding a Segue.

(HT: Collide Mag)

LifeChurch.tv does videos with Satan a lot. They always have the same guy play Satan, and he's hysterical. A lot of them are interviews between Satan and Craig Groeschel (LifeChurch.tv's pastor). This isn't new, but I was showing them to Connor recently, so it's fresh in my mind. This is one of my favorites; "Satan Talks Church Strategy with Craig:"

Satan Talks Church Strategy with Craig Groeschel from LifeChurch.tv on Vimeo.

Mm-kay. See, now I watched that last one again and lost three minutes so I gotta go.

brain dump

2008-10-22T12:05:00.004-05:00

There's chaos in my brain right now.

Change is coming. I've known it for months, but it hit in a way I did not anticipate. I found myself with more downtime than usual several months ago, and asked the Lord about it on a walk one afternoon. He told me to rest because there was a big push coming. I appreciate it when He uses language that I wouldn't use, because I don't have to go through those "was that really the Lord?" moments. "Push?" What am I, in labo ... oh.

It's good and I'm excited about it, but it has crashed in on me in a short period of time and I was so overwhelmed yesterday that I think I accidentally got defensive. Not of the way things are, or the status quo - as they say. I just got a little defensive of my sanity, but I'm over it. You can't do great things for God and maintain your sanity.

And no, I'm not pregnant. I'm wondering if I'll ever have time to be pregnant.

Which raises another issue I'd like to comment on quickly. The whole, romantic concept of "doing what you love" has gotten out of hand again. It's like every few months this becomes a hot, motivational topic for blog posts and articles. "If money were no object, what would you do? And why aren't you doing that now?"

Koom-by-ah, because I've got a mortgage.

If you get paid to live out your passion, I'm happy for you. Really. But the rest of us need you to realize you're very blessed, and stop acting like it's no big deal. Because it is a big deal and you're encouraging people to jump headfirst into the foreclosure crisis. For the sake of the economic stability of our nation: shut up.

I know, I know - but I feel a little better now anyway.

In the midst of the chaos and loss-of-sanity I also stumbled across the following. Preparing for a message on stability (laugh it up) I came across this quote from some unnamed pastor on a blog I'd rather not link to (suffice to say there are strains of the emerging church movement that are forgetting the "church" part). I keep trying to end on this when my mind gets out of control, so I'll end with it here too:

"If you're not finding God where you are, you're not going to find Him anywhere else."

lighten up

2008-10-18T12:12:00.002-05:00

That's Unhindered. They've been the worship team at Teen Mania's Acquire the Fire events for the past couple years.

We're in the middle of a series, on Friday nights, called Party Like a Monk. We're going through monastic vows and gleaning whatever wisdom we can from them. Last night we looked at the vow of stability, which basically says you stay in your monastery until death. None of this wishy-washy, monastery-hopping when something gets hard.

One monastery I found (online ... which I thought was a little strange: a monastery with a website) explained that they do this, "to refuse all escapes from the rigorous work of conversion we have undertaken."

In meditating on and preparing this message I planned to talk about our spiritual and emotional stability in Christ and, as usual, the topic always works its way back to Jesus. Because there is no stability outside of Him.

And that stability starts to manifest itself in our lives when we really live as though we're in this world, but not (part) of this world. People notice that our lives are different, but then I started to wonder why. Why are our lives different?

If they're different because we're following a rigid set of rules to appease our omnipotent God, people don't see Him in us. People see boredom, religion, hypocrisy, etc. Because despite what the mainstream media would have us think, people are not stupid. People recognize authenticity.

In working through this in prayer I started to get frustrated. Why is it that so often Christians live like we're ashamed to be Christians? Like church and Jesus are embarrassing? Why is it a rare occasion that we're excited; why is it only the new believers who seem to really get it? We can talk about new restaurants and movies and politics with all the passion known to man, but if faith comes up we shy away.

It's easy to blame it on society. It's easy to say that bad decisions and biased media have pushed Christians into a corner where we have to be careful about what we say and do. People are waiting to be offended and not like us, so we have to tread lightly.

There's truth in that, but I think it's more often the case that we don't believe in the life we're called to live. I love the lyrics to the second verse of that song:

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, freedom reigns, so come on, come on throw off your prison chains. We're liberated by a King, only freedom remains for the people of God, ya the people of God. And we're living in a kingdom that will never end, living in the power that defeated sin. So come one everybody, let your praise begin, 'cause Jesus is alive and He's coming again!"

I'm tired of being a bored Christian. I'm tired of looking at the unique aspects of a life of discipleship (prayer, Bible study, worship, fasting, etc.) as a burden, instead of an opportunity for me to connect with the Creator on this side of eternity. I'm tired of trying to work for my salvation. I'm tired of looking at the church as an institution that needs to get its numbers up, instead of a radical group of people who are out to bring the love of Christ - practically spiritually - to our neighbors no matter what the cost. I'm tired of being so uptight about my faith that I can't enjoy Him in the everyday.

poverty

2008-10-15T12:08:00.004-05:00

We started a new series with the students last Friday called Party Like a Monk. We're talking about the monastic lifestyle and gleaning what we can from them. Friday, we talked about the first vow that a monk takes: poverty.

Monks take a vow of poverty that forbids them to own anything except what is allowed them by a superior. They thus identify with the poor, and share whatever they do have with those in need.

Which is nice, but if my family and I are living in a cardboard lean-to and you tell me you took a vow of poverty to identify with me I'm going to call you a mean name and move on. Thanks but no thanks; I'm not interested in perpetuating the problem.

We talked about numbers:

Almost half of the world's children live below the poverty line.
One child dies every three seconds from causes related to poverty.
Malaria (a preventable and treatable disease) claims 1,000,000 lives every year. Eighty percent of them are children in Africa.

We looked at painful pictures:

And we talked about Matthew 25. "And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’"

We talked about what we can do, and what we need to do. We talked about what the people of God are called to do, and what we're privileged to do and be through Jesus' name.

We talked about Matthew 24. Just before three consecutive parables about being prepared for the second coming, and doing the work of the gospel, Jesus tells us what to expect in the last days. Among the horrors, He says "there will be famines" (plural).

We talked about getting involved for the long-haul. We're not being called to hold a fundraiser, throw a couple hundred dollars at a charity, and check it off our Good Works list.

And we talked about three practical applications:

Compassion International can provide an insecticide-treated mosquito net to a family for $10, and save countless children from malaria. There are several organizations that do this, but we want to go through Compassion because we know that where Compassion goes, the gospel goes.
Benevolence. Our own church has a great ministry that is feeding people in our own town. Poverty is worldwide, and that includes Elgin, Illinois. Did you know, for example, that over half of the students at Elgin High School qualify for free or discounted lunches?
Warm Wishes is (was? - I've tried to contact them and the email address doesn't work. Stay tuned.) a ministry in our area that collects blankets and distributes them to the homeless, and homeless shelters, in the north Chicago 'burbs.

We took a vote that I haven't tallied yet. Friday we'll know what the majority of our students feel they can get passionate about, and get involved with.

In the meantime, go play FreeRice.

Bound4Life and Crisis

2008-10-13T12:41:00.002-05:00

We went out to stand with Bound4Life Chicago again last Saturday morning, and I completely lost it.

Com-plete-ly.

I think this was my fourth time. I know the routine. I know the purpose. I know the prayer. I know the goal. I don't know what, exactly, happened to me, though.

I got out of the van and there was an unusually large gathering of Catholics outside the clinic. The parking lot is a triangle with sidewalk and fence lining two sides. Usually the Catholics are mostly on one fence and the LIFE team is on the other. They couldn't contain themselves this week, though, there were so many.

And not just the regulars. There were fathers - or whatever they're called: the penguins with the little white squares that seem to mark "karate-chop-here" on their throats ... I'm getting ahead of myself. There were a lot, and where religion goes, so - apparently - go pictures of anglo-Jesus, mutilated children, and four-foot-high statues.

"Fine," I thought as I tried to muster up every ounce of grace and love I may have stored away for just such an occasion. When one of the fathers came down our line handing out lyrics and asking the people with red tape over their mouths if they'd like to sing along with them, I caught Pastor Jon's eye and turned away to laugh before muzzling myself with duct tape just in time.

The weather was really nice Saturday morning, so there were more (biological) fathers than usual waiting, smoking, and chatting nervously in the parking lot. I looked at them, glanced back at the crowd on my side of the fence, and started praying that the fence would collapse.

I started praying for Love to show up. I prayed that our side of the fence would pray, speak, and sing in love, and that people inside the fence would know God's presence and His love in what may be the most difficult time of their lives. Randy came by and asked us to start by praying for the (biological) fathers, and I prayed for Love to show up.

And then the bullhorn came out.

I opened my eyes and looked at the young men in the parking lot. There were four of them, about my age. They stood against the building smoking and watching the fence. The Catholics sang something in Latin while a young priest read something, very awkwardly, through his megaphone.

Stubborn, hurting hearts faced off against stubborn, hurting hearts. This was not a conversation, this was the beginning of a duel of will. This was us-vs.-them. I stood and watched for probably 10 minutes and then my prayer was answered.

My prayer was answered, and Love showed up but He showed up in me in a way I did not expect and I lost it. I ripped the tape from my mouth and turned around to sit on the curb between bumpers. I prayed in tongues and asked God what was going on. He didn't answer and I started to choke up.

I walked half-way down the block, called my husband and sobbed at him. This is not love. This is not the gospel. This is not Christ. I'm so tired of Christians being known more for what we're against than what we're for, and right now we are against abortion and not for families (or so it probably seems). Some children are saved, but for every one saved how many parents leave this place hardened and offended and less likely than ever to listen to the gospel? I believe our team is here in love, but people inside the fence don't see the difference - they see Christians kept at bay by a chain-link fence.

"I am a Christian. I am Spirit-filled. I believe in life, and I want to bash that guy's face in with his megaphone! Do these younger guys look out at us and think, 'Man, those Christians sure do love me and want the best for me?' I believe in this and I want to be a light, but I don't feel like a light; I feel like [insert obscenity here]!"

I cried as Husband reassured me, comforted me, and encouraged me to talk to Pastor Jon about what I was feeling. I can't do the Holy Spirit's job and I really don't know what the young men inside the fence are thinking; I can't limit God by saying He can't break into their hearts.

A couple of women emerged from the fence and walked toward me. I hid my LIFE tape behind my back and smiled at them as they passed.

Randy met me and I cried some of the same things at him. He answered some questions and prayed for me, but I don't know if he understood my heart. He tried to comfort me in that it's okay if people don't like us, etc. I'm fine with people not liking me; I'm not fine with people not liking Christ because of me. I don't know if I communicated that.

Pastor Jon met me down the block a couple minutes later and answered some of my "Why's?" We talked; he shared some of his heart. I felt a little better, and eventually returned to the prayer line. At the end of the day we decided to get together outside of the second Saturday of the month to talk more about what we can do to really, practically love these people.

I'm really looking forward to that.

James 2:15-17//If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2008-10-10T09:42:00.002-05:00

Today is my mom's 50th birthday. She'd love to know that I'm broadcasting that. (Sorry, mom.) So here are 50 things that I love about my mom (the links all go to pictures, play along):

She's stinkin' cute. Seriously.
She always let me help make cookies. To this day I use a plastic bowl and a wooden spoon.
She used to sing me to sleep when I was little, and she has a gorgeous voice.
She makes this really funny face when she's angry but not really angry. I call it her "stern face."
She's always learning something.
Whenever she goes to craft shows, she doesn't buy things she likes because "I could make that." But then she never makes any of it.
She taught me how to love gardening.
She taught me how to love husbands.
She taught me how to love people I don't know.
She's so good at being a mom, she spread it around to most of my friends. A couple even moved into our house my senior year of high school.
For better or worse, she let me make my own mistakes.
She makes the most subtle requests for grandkids.
She's a fantastic cook, despite my father's constant critiquing.
She always made my halloween costumes.
She made my wedding dress.
She always made us matching Easter dresses. I love those pictures.
She once worked really hard on a dress for me and when it was done, I didn't like it. I don't think I ever wore it. She didn't kill me for that. I would have killed me for that.
She made a really cute little brother for me.
She cries when I cry, even if she's not sad about the thing at all.
She (and dad, but it's not his birthday) has always told me I'm beautiful.
She's always told me I'm smart.
She's always told me I can do whatever I put my mind to, and I think she really believed it the whole time.
She hasn't killed my father yet.
In Jr. High my poem won a contest and this group of performers was going to perform it, and she didn't come to the assembly 'cause she asked if I would be embarrassed and I think I said yes. The moment they started on my poem, though, I stood up and looked around 'cause I'd really wanted her to be there. Sorry about that one, mom. I beat myself up over that for months and never told you. I'm even getting choked up as I type this one; I'll forgive myself some day.
She put up with me in the womb for three extra weeks.
She had two C-section babies, and instead of being mad at us - she bragged about our perfectly round heads.
She does our taxes with all her H&R Block expertise.
She was at every piano competition.
She still likes to hear me try to play, even though I'm terrible now.
She has us over for dinner every Sunday night.
She lets my husband eat two meals most Sunday nights.
She likes my husband.
She let me do all of our laundry at her house every Sunday night for about two and half years.
She passed on her fantastic eyebrows.
Whenever my brother or I did something wrong, she wondered what she had done wrong. I'm not sure if that was a subtle guilt-trip style punishment, but it always worked.
She's always on my side - even if it means she's against other people she knows/loves.
She never got on my case for dressing like an idiot when I was a teenager.
She loves historical things that even I think are boring, and I like historical things.
She will cry at the end of Meet Joe Black no matter how many times she sees it.
She notices the musical score of a movie right away.
She loves to read.
She taught me the importance of family.
She likes camping.
She likes bird-watching, even though it's silly.
I fell asleep most nights with my door partially open so I could hear her and my dad talking and watching the news down the hall.
She likes to watch thunderstorms.
She has this fantastic laugh that could carry in a vacuum. When I was younger, if I ever lost her at church on a Sunday morning, I would stand at the intersection of hallways between Fellowship Hall, the narthex, and the sanctuary and wait for her to laugh.
Sometimes she laughs so hard she makes herself have to pee.
If I curl up next to her on the couch, she still plays with my hair.
She will always, always be there for me.

Happy birthday, Mom.

without love

2008-10-09T12:13:00.003-05:00

(Or, "I want to be Martin Luther when I grow up")

I met another Christian blogger recently. He's rather prolific. I really enjoy his blog, and another media project he directs. He's acutely aware of some of the shortcomings of the western Church, and writing from a very passionate position about the chasm between Biblical Christianity and what goes on in many local churches and Christian circles in our society.

Through his acquaintance I've also been introduced to a number of other blogs and voices that, initially, seem to be along the same pulse. On one occasion I was invited to contribute to a blog that disagrees with (to put it mildly) western Christianity. I was flattered - honored, even - and excited about the opportunity, but yesterday had to decline it.

I believe the guy I met has a genuine heart, but there's a fine line between concern and condemnation. Between righteousness, and self-righteousness. Some of the voices and networks that I've met and seen through him seem to err on the side of finger-pointing, and it's really stirred up something inside of me.

I agree that church as we know it in the U.S. is faltering. I agree that many churches are more concerned with what goes on inside their walls than with what goes on in their communities. I agree that many local ministries are not reaching out to their neighbors. I agree that many Christian circles are closed-off and condemning. I agree that Christianity in our country needs to be infused with a fresh dose of humility, servant-hood, grace, and sacrificial love.

I do not believe that distancing ourselves - as believers - from the body of Christ, is the way to do it.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes to believers, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." Your message can be straight from heaven, but if you can't speak it in love it's nothing. You can be right where others are dead wrong, but if you can't express yourself in love it doesn't matter.

The Holy Spirit has really used the past week of blog-hopping and emailing to point at me. Where am I being cynical? Unforgiving? Prideful? The Church in the west has problems, but the Church in the west is still the body and bride of Jesus Christ. Like it or not, that includes me, so what am I doing about it?

The picture that I keep getting is Jesus' last meal. The night before His closest friends - the very first Church - would betray and abandon Him amidst His greatest hour of need, He washed their feet. He served the Church out of love, and because He knew what they were capable of. He knew that He had begun something that, no matter how bad it looks, all the forces of hell would never prevail against. Can't I do the same?

Humility, servant-hood, grace, and sacrificial love start with me.

check this out

2008-10-08T12:34:00.003-05:00

Twitter and RSS have been hoppin' this morning. Some of you know 'cause I've been emailing links all morning. I've decided to consolidate. Here's all the cool stuff I found out about this morning.

LifeWay Research is releasing a new book in April called Lost and Found: The Younger Unchurched and the Churches That Reach Them. You can download a sample here. It's mostly statistics, but the authors weave a story through it too. You get two installments of the story, and now I'm tempted to buy the book in April just 'cause I want to know how the story ends.

Chris Forbes has put together about 30 pages in a short book called Facebook for Pastors. Pretty self-explainatory. It's definitely geared more toward those who haven't ever logged on to Facebook, but the beginning has some good stuff for church leaders who are already on Facebook (and it's a good tool to encourage Facebook-shy pastors you know). You can download the whole thing right here.

Found this video on Gizmodo:

Beached from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

It's not minatures. It's a real beach in Autralia. They explain (and give you another video) on the blog. Pretty crazy.

And I couldn't help but click on a headline via one of my Tweeple that reads, "Bank robber hires decoys on Craigslist." You can get anything on the internet these days. I laughed in disbelief. Yes, he got away ... which may have been even more amazing than the decoys. You have to read this.

Let me preface this next one with "I certainly don't believe everything I read on the internet." But if this is true ... well, nothing. I'm not surprised and there's nothing for me to do about it. What's $400,000 in light of $700 billion, anyway? Pocket change.

So there. That's been my morning. Back to your regularly scheduled programming ...

two chords

2008-10-06T19:51:00.005-05:00

I thought about posting the piece I read for the Worship Night last month. After some thought I decided not to because - while it's based on an old blog post - it's spoken word. Spoken word, by nature, loses something when it's not ... spoken. Especially when it's not spoken by the author.

But then someone asked. So alright. I don't know if it's going to make the final cut of the live album, but if it does, get it. It's much, much better spoken (even though I totally choked and had to clear my throat despite frantically downing a half bottle of water just before reading) ... 'cause that's what it's for.

So here it is. I also thought about breaking it up all poetically the way it's supposed to be read ... but a lot of that is kind of spontaneous, and when I tried to do it anyway it makes a really, really long post. In the interest of maintaining some artistic integrity and the aesthetics of the blog, you get it in paragraphs:

Revelation 4:2-11// Immediately I was in the Spirit; and behold, a throne set in heaven, and One sat on the throne. And He who sat there was like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, in appearance like an emerald.

Around the throne were 24 thrones, and on the thrones I saw 24 elders sitting, clothed in white robes; and they had crowns of gold on their heads. And from the throne proceeded lightnings, thunderings, and voices. Seven lamps of fire were burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God. Before the throne there was a sea of glass, like crystal. And in the midst of the throne, and around the throne, were four living creatures full of eyes in front and in back.

The cheap, plastic lamp that hangs above my piano doesn't turn on anymore. It's probably the bulb, but I'm satisfied in shadows.

So I sit in the dark. Alone. I sit in the black office chair with the kind of posture that only a decade of piano lessons can cultivate in a person's subconscious. I sit, eyes closed, and listen for eternity.

I reach out for the keys that I know are just in front of me and play the chord my fingers fall on. The only decision I have to make is whether to go to a minor third or up a fifth. My hands know the math that comes after the second measure. I am not aware of which I choose.

I rock back and forth between two chords, there in the doorway, and He smiles at me. I feel the flame in His gaze and I want it. I want it dangerously, passionately, fearfully, hesitantly. And He knows it. He knows yearning mixed with trepidation, and desire tainted with fear. He knows, and He_waits. Two chords. Two chords is safe, and I can do it with my eyes closed without hitting an incorrect key.

I rock back and forth between two chords, there in the doorway, because right now He is utterly unapproachable and I am even ashamed to have gotten no where. That throne is terrifying in its beauty, and the kind of love that waits for me in the center of it will consume me. Still – that fear is laced with longing, and He waits for me.

I glance down at my two chords and my stomach turns. I rock back and forth between pride and disobedience. Between apathy and false humility. Between selfishness and hatred. My feet, my shoes, my pant legs, are soaked through with mud. And He waits. I rock back and forth between the sea of crystal before Him and the stain on my walk. And I see Him waiting.

And I don't hear the notes I'm playing but I hope in that moment they're minor because I want to scream at Him. I want to make Him come out. I can't go in there! How can I go in there? Can't He see me? Can't He see where I've been? Can't He see the stain on my clothes? How can He call me in there like this? Doesn't He know I'll ruin it? I can't go!

And He waits.

He waits, and I know that He knows. His eyes burn through me even from here, so I wipe my feet as best I can, add a third chord, and step out of the doorway. Eyes still closed I try to tread lightly as though I can't feel clumps of filth landing softly on the floor beneath me. This is so embarrassing, but He knows. I want to be there and He knows and He waits so I go.

I add a fourth chord to complete the phrase and I run. I'm already in. I've already ruined His splendor. I've already burdened eternity with dirt it was never meant to endure. And I wonder if I'll survive. I wonder if He'll look at me when I get there. He can't look on sin. It can't stand in His presence and about the moment I'm sure I'll never endure Him I'm close enough to want nothing more than to try and then I'm there and all I can do is fall at His feet.

And He waits.

And I play, and I open my eyes. I'm playing in D, and as I turn to look behind me at mistake after mistake that I so boldly smeared all over Revelation 4 all I see are the last few, blood-red footprints fading to a pure, crystal finish.

a glance

2008-10-04T14:38:00.007-05:00

Watchman Nee has been really beating me up for the past 12 hours. If I had the time or dedication, I'd type out the last two chapters of The Normal Christian Life, but I've neither.

I will share the biggest punch he landed, though.

He's in Luke 17, discussing the rapture. He points out the Lord comparing the rapture to Lot leaving Sodom, and proposes through the end of the chapter that the rapture may, in fact, be a call that each of us will chose whether or not to answer.

Luke 17:29-32//but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom ... Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. In that day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods are in the house, let him not come down to take them away. And likewise the one who is in the field, let him not turn back. Remember Lot's wife." (Emphasis mine.)

"If I mistake not, this is the one passage in the New Testament that tells of our reaction to the rapture call."

He discusses the "twinkling of an eye" as in 1 Corinthians 15, but could it be that the transformation/twinkling comes after one responds rightly to the "rapture call?"

"No, in that moment we shall discover our heart's real treasure. If it is the Lord Himself then there will be no backward look. A backward glance decides everything." (Emphasis mine - again.)

It brings the question of whether I'm ready for the Lord's return to en entirely new level, and - honestly - scares the crap (for lack of a better term) out of me. I'm digging into this, maybe Nee's interpretation is completely off. At the moment, though, I've no reason not to gasp at the idea.

"This is beautifully illustrated in the action of Peter when he recognizes the risen Lord Jesus by the lake-side. Though, with the others, he was back for the moment in his former occupation, there was now n thought of the ship... When he heard John's cry of recognition: 'It is the Lord,' we read that 'he cast himself into the sea' to go to Jesus."

Where are my eyes set? A backward glance decides everything.

i heard that

2008-10-02T19:43:00.009-05:00

I had an interesting conversation yesterday via Twitter with a guy who works very heavily in church marketing/communications.

Him: Just watched the promo video for The Call (http://thecall.com) California. Produced really well, but man, not sure I'm liking the approach.

Me: What don't you like? (In 140 characters? - Ha.)

[He sent this as a direct message, which means no one cold read it but me.]
Him: I think the angle is a little too judgmental, critical and over-the-top. How would "outsiders" view this? I fear not too fondly.

Me: Which perhaps begs the question: When do we stop worrying about perceptions and just do what we're called to do? Ever?

That was the end of it. I was genuinely asking, because I know he's been in church marketing for a while and was interested in his thoughts, but he may have missed my message.

It's an interesting idea. On the one hand, much of what a local church or Christian ministry produces should be created with non-Christians in mind. Even things that are not necessarily intended for non-Christians, because they'll likely see it so we need to consider what it says about the body of Christ.

On the other hand, The Call - for one - is not a local church. Their focus is not primarily non-Christians and leading people to salvation. Their goal is to assemble tens of thousands of young Christians around a pretty radical call to fasting and prayer (on behalf of said non-Christians). Sure, non-Christians are going to see the video and the website, etc., but if you water-down that message you're not going to get the kind of people you need to assemble from all over the country for a day of intercession.

So at what point do we stop worrying about what non-Christians think of our lingo, ideas, methods, etc. and just do what we (as a people, as the Church, as a specific ministry, as a local church - whatever) are called by God to do? At what point to we say, "You're not going to get this - you might even think less of me for it - but it's going to take massive prayer to shift this nation, so we're doing it."

I think there is a point when that happens, but it's probably tough to identify.

And for local churches, that point may rarely come on the radar. Local churches are meant to share the love and grace and redemption of Christ with people, so of course you don't want to ever create a billboard, web page, post card, flier, or anything that's offensive or divisive.

What about ministries like The Call? Are they making the Church in America look bad?

I'm thinking as I type here. Ideas?

blog action day 08

2008-10-01T08:31:00.000-05:00

Blog Action Day 2008 Poverty from Blog Action Day on Vimeo.

(I'll actually blog one of these days.)

one of those days

2008-09-29T15:25:00.003-05:00

51 seconds
Post your time in the comments. You probably beat me, don't get too excited.

we love India

2008-09-26T15:13:00.004-05:00

I do. I missed India this summer. Did you know that flooding is a huge problem in parts of India right now? Did you know you can help in about 30 seconds, for free?

Go to this website.

You will be asked four questions, and each time you get one right the sponsors (who have ads on the sides of each page) will donate a band-aid or a tarp to flood victims in India. It's quick. It's painless. It's easy.

And I'm even going to give you the answers ('cause no one gets a tarp if you get 'em wrong):

1. The capital of Bihar is Patna.
2. The river that has caused havoc in Bihar recently is the Kosi.
3. The number of people affected by recent floods in Bihar is 25 Lakh.
4. The opposite of flood is drought.

That's it. Just four questions, but you can play those four questions over and over and over, and - presumably - donate a ton of band-aids and tarps.

Email your friends the link/answers or copy and paste the info above to your blog. Put a note on Facebook/MySpace. Free tarps for flood victims in India is too good to pass up!

Thanks to Titus for the link/answers.

fighting tired

2008-09-25T12:56:00.003-05:00

There are days when I need to remind myself to fight.

Jude 1:3//Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints. (Even within myself)

1 Timothy 1:18//Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight,

1 Timothy 6:12//Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

2 Timothy 4:7//I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

There are days I have to remind myself to fight because there are days I want nothing more than to roll over and die. I don't think it's any coincidence that Paul writes three times in two letters to a young Christian to "fight the good fight."

It's so daunting because it's so contrary to what the rest of the world spews at me every second - right now I'm being spewed at through the office-friendly radio station. Our society, our culture, doesn't want to fight for anything.

Meals should be quick and easy. Housekeeping should be quick and easy. Technology and car repairs should be quick and easy. Eradicating terror from the face of the planet and restoring peace and sanity to a world torn to pieces by hate should be quick and easy.

Fighting is for violent, dangerous, criminal people. Contending is for stubborn, close-minded, self-righteous jerks. Taking a stand for something is really cool if it's against the U.S. government, but really fanatical if it's against anything else.

Shut up. Keep your head down. Go with the grain. You can have an opinion once every two years in a polling booth, but the rest of the time just listen. Don't speak. Just listen. Listen and watch and internalize and become and you won't even want to fight anymore.

And when the enemy of your soul starts to whisper in your ear, you'll be so accustomed to listening and becoming that you won't feel like fighting that either. Passivity is so much easier. It's easier to believe that there is no God, or if there is He doesn't like you anyway. It's easier to believe that you'll never answer for your life, that the love you're really looking for didn't actually sacrifice Himself for you, and that you don't have a purpose. It's easier to question and doubt than to love and believe, so just listen to the lies and let your spirit glaze over.

Matthew 11:12//The kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force.

bragging

2008-09-23T22:55:00.002-05:00

I got to talk to Marianne and Kaitlyn this evening!

I tried to take a screen shot of Kaitlyn doing her "big smile:"

And then Marianne sent me a better one:

How stinkin' cute is that? Ridiculous. You can read all about 'em and their adventures in China on Marianne's blog. I just wanted to brag that I got to talk to them (her - I got to talk to Marianne; Kaitlyn didn't want to talk to me once she saw Timothy. Every time I turned the Mac away from him she'd start signing "more" and say, "moe teem moe teem moe moe ..." but whatever) and show off cutie Kaitlyn

Esther

2008-09-20T15:51:00.002-05:00

I've been reading Esther. (I know - shocking. Like me saying, "I was watching Luther ..." I know. You're hilarious.)

I've been reading Esther and really wishing that movie (One Night With The King) had been better. I wish they hadn't butchered the storyline with the silly necklace. I wish they hadn't tried to make it a love story, and I really wish they had better communicated the gravity of her decision to barge into the King's inner court.

I know that the book is about intercession. Esther 101. But for the past couple days I've been noticing the details. It's about intercession on a personal scale, and about Christ's intercession on the cross. It's cool. My new favorite part is the beginning of Chapter 5:

Verse 1: Now it happened on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the king’s palace, across from the king’s house, while the king sat on his royal throne in the royal house, facing the entrance of the house.

Everybody knows that if you go into the inner court of the king's palace without being called for, you are killed. Instantly and without a fair trial before a jury of your peers (because it's a picture of the Old Testament temple where only the high priest could go into the inner court and only if he was without sin else he drop dead). Everybody knows, and yet here's the king, facing the entrance of the house as though he's waiting for someone to try it anyway.

What I noticed for the first time the other day, and what makes me love this, is the italics. I often forget, and so don't really notice, that italics in the Bible means those words were added to make the translation sensible where there is no direct, word-for-word translation. Usually, you can go back and re-read a verse without the italic words, and get a deeper understanding of what's going on.

For whatever reason (HS), I remembered that when I got to Esther 5:1 a couple days ago and I re-read. "Now it happened on the third day that Esther put on royal and stood ..."

She put on royal(ty). I double-checked:

The Young's Literal Translation says, "And it cometh to pass on the third day, that Esther putteth on royalty, and standeth ..."

Esther prepared to stand in the inner court of the king and make a request of him, intercede on behalf of her people, by putting on royalty. (Jesus prepared to come to earth, to live and die in intercession for His people, by disrobing Himself of divine glory/royalty.) When I prepare to stand in the inner court of the King of kings, I put on the royalty that Jesus made available to me because I go wearing His Name and His sacrifice.

Fun. Mind the italics.

videos 'cause I don't like Thursdays

2008-09-18T13:02:00.002-05:00

And maybe you don't either.

This won't make you feel better, but I have to. This is VP-hopeful Biden being all "Biden-y," which I think means Communist:

Seriously? That's Marxism 101. I learned that in my first semester of poly sci.

This is just really cool. Saw this on Collide's blog this morning:

Benched from Brandon McCormick on Vimeo.

Another one from Collide. I know no one likes cats (personally, I don't mind 'em, but ...), but this cat is a ninja.

Caleb sent me this one last week. I replayed it at least 20 times and laughed out loud every time:

And if you haven't seen this one yet, you live under a rock. Also if you haven't seen it yet, consider whether or not you really want to before you click Play. It's awful and it will be stuck in your head for the rest of eternity. Seriously. You and Jesus will rock out to it for the duration of the millennial reign because you won't be able to shake that funky beat.

That's all. Happy Thursday.

Bound4Life ... rain or shine

2008-09-16T10:52:00.005-05:00

My Facebook message late Friday night read, "I assume we stand rain or shine, right?"
Johnnie's reply simply said, "we do =]"

At 8:30 the following morning, despite days of intimidating forecasts, Sara, Connor, Leah, Kendra and I piled into my car. I flipped on the windshield wipers and headed for Route 90.

By the time we got to the "Family Planning Center" on Elston, the rain had gloriously let up. We got out of the Bound4Life-mobile with just hoodies on, and the Catholics who are always there before us, realized they could close their umbrellas for a while. We were small in number - our five, two from the Prayer Furnace, and one other woman from Elgin - but steadfast. As I suited up I dared to wonder how long the rain would hold off, knowing that at the same time the students with me were peppering their prayers for the unborn with prayers for a downpour.

Red corners secured to my cheeks, I banished thoughts about the weather and turned to meet my now familiar adversary: the chain link fence surrounding the clinic's parking lot. Randy encouraged us, prayed over each of us, and asked us to spend the first half-hour praying for the mothers inside. I closed my eyes and forgot about the weekend outlook.

A moment later, eyes closed, I felt Holy Spirit just over my right shoulder. At first I thought it might be someone standing behind me, but the force of His presence was too strong to be anyone who was there with us - or any random stranger passing by on a Chicago sidewalk. I looked anyway, and grinned behind my red tape when I saw no one there.

It wasn't long until the rain returned. It was gentle at first, but quickly became a steady shower. We had a couple umbrellas in the van, but no one moved for them. It wasn't that bad. We were wet, but it wasn't all that cold out anyway.

We took a break for communion inside the van. I realize this is a useful break and that sometimes people need to share what's on their hearts, but - honestly - I always get a little antsy here. I don't want to talk in that moment, I want to pray. Randy asked if we wanted to cut the day short because of the weather, but no one agreed.

It was raining harder now, but we took up our places just the same. One person was brave enough to roll down his window and shout obscenities at us, but that was all. Just one.

And that is why, when the rain really started to assault our team, we just got wetter. The curb was flooding onto the strip of grass just before the sidewalk. The abortion clinic's parking lot was a small pond. It was starting to get cold, but I knew that our standing through the storm was a witness. Our God uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.

He also sends subtle encouragement. Randy decided that we'd wrap it up about 20 minutes early because of the monsoon. He set us on a 15-minute count down and almost immediately a minivan pulled up next to the parked cars on the side of the road. A man got out of the driver's side and ran around to meet Randy. "You guys are amazing," he said, and handed Randy a plastic bag. Randy shook his hand and thanked him; the rest of us were smiling as much as you can smile with duct tape over your mouth at the two boxes of Dunkin Donuts munchkins.

Back in the Bound4Life-mobile 10 minutes later, soaked to the bone, we tore through those donut holes on the way back to the Prayer Furnace.

(There are more pictures here.)

remember

2008-09-11T12:19:00.003-05:00

Seven years ago I was riding my bike across Kirksville, Missouri to my dorm room. It was a Tuesday morning. The air was crisp, the sky was clear, and the town was just waking up.

I was 17. I had been a college student and celebrity waitress for about three weeks. I was settling in to this phase of life, and starting to really like it.

I leashed my chariot to the bike rack outside the dorm building: through the frame, through the front wheel, and through the metal bars of the rack. After a 30-minute ride, my legs were a little shaky as I turned my attention to three flights of stairs.

Just inside the building, at the bottom of the cold, cement stairwell, it was quiet. It's always quiet at the bottom of a stairwell in a college dorm early in the morning. I leaned over and glanced up, through the gap in the handrail. Clear. I shrugged my messenger bag to a more secure place on my shoulder, took a deep breath, and sprinted, two steps at a time, up to the third floor.

I was pretty early that morning. I'd have about 45 minutes to kill before I needed to be at Music Theory, and it was a short walk across campus. I'd found out too late that Music Performance is one of the two most curriculum-intense majors, but what else was I going to do? I had no idea, so I just kept playing piano.

After catching my breath and reviving my thighs, I pulled open the door to the south wing of the third floor of the my dorm, and something wafted out at me. It wasn't loud, but it certainly wasn't quiet. Not like the stairwell had been quiet. It was still, but not like the stillness of the early morning outside.

Doors to almost every room were standing open, which wouldn't have been uncommon except for the early hour. Doors were open, but no one was in the hallway. No one was hanging out of doorways. No one was yelling between rooms. A deafening hush clogged the hallway.

Mine was the fourth door on the right. As I walked, I peered. The first room was empty. In the second room, a half-dozen people were gathered around a television. The third room was empty.

My door was not open, but it wasn't locked either. I pushed it open, hesitant without knowing why. My roommate, Donna, was not there. She and the two girls we shared a bathroom with were sitting in silence in the next room, facing me as I walked through the suite, glued to their television.

I stood for a moment, trying to read their faces. Considering a question, or a greeting. Instead, I took a few steps forward and turned to see what they were watching.

What about you? Where were you?

loving?

2008-09-10T12:07:00.002-05:00

Back to Jesse's comment from two weeks ago (I need to make time to blog more).

We're not loving people. What do you think is causing this? What's the solution?

Dozens, if not hundreds, of things are causing Christians to fail to love people. UnChristian was one of the first sources to really blow this thing open. Much to my surprise, researchers also pointed out that most people's bad opinions of Christians are not based on national news stories of pastors fallen from glory, or obnoxious people protesting funerals. Most of the bad opinions people have about Christians comes from personal interactions with Christians or local churches that hurt them.

One woman was rejected by a local church because she's unmarried and has a young daughter. One young man was rejected by a Christian friend when he confided his homosexuality. The stories go on and on, and each is unique. You can't point at a handful of events, or a few bad publicity stunts and say, "This is why people hate us" because it's not the case.

And, of course, the only solution is to love people. I agree that we need to identify our lack of love, face our own brokenness, and ask Christ for His heart for people. What I don't agree with is the idea that we need to air our dirty laundry before the world, talk about other Christians as though they are failing us all, and feed the "Christians are jerks" flame.

1 Corinthians 6 tell us to judge ourselves. We don't take our issues before "the ungodly;" we deal with it within the body.

It happens, but I do not believe it's the norm. Most local churches, and most Christians - even in the west - are good, normal people. Most local churches are feeding their communities, and partnering with international aid organizations. Unless its a big deal, however, you don't generally hear about it because it's not a captivating news story.

For example, did anyone in Elgin - or even at Church in the Word - hear about the woman who found the Benevolence room last Sunday very late after the service? She had several children with her and explained that because of her husband's struggles, they don't have any food in the house. Our wonderful Benevolence ministry sent them home with bags of groceries, but did you hear about it?

It's the same in our daily lives. Most Christians are nice people quietly going about their lives: working hard, maintaining their families, and being good neighbors. People don't notice nice and quiet - Christian or not. People notice obnoxious and offensive. People ask "Who do you think you are?" and "Why?" when you irritate them, not when you drag their garbage can out of the street for them.

We need to just love people - and of course we can always love people more - and get used to the fact that the world is not going to recognize it most of the time. We don't need to flaunt it, because our good works are not done primarily before men. At the same time, though, we don't need to tell the people who wrongly assume that all Christians are horrible hypocrites that they're right. Because they're not.

I'm not saying we should fight it, get all riled up about the false accusations, etc. because sometimes it's true and because God is our defense. Turn the other cheek, keep loving people better, apologize when you need to apologize, and move forward in humility.

that's me

2008-09-04T12:55:00.004-05:00

I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated that I don't fast like I used to and I'm frustrated to find that it has become difficult in the meantime. I remember when it was easy. I remember when Holy Spirit could interrupt me in the middle of making breakfast and I'd just go, "Oh, okay" and not eat for days instead. So now I'm on one of those not-so-spiritual, "I hate you, flesh" fasts.

Part of me likes these fasts because ... well I don't know why. It feels like there's more at stake, maybe. Maybe it just feels like more of a battle and less of a death, so I can get excited about it. It's a battle of wills, though, (mine vs. mine) so there's no telling how long it could take.

I'm frustrated at my own disobedience. Maybe it's not even disobedience. Most of the time it's apathy, which - I suppose - is not what I'm called to, so it is disobedience. I had an experience about a week and a half ago that is probably a little too personal for the world wide web, but it brought light to a dark corner of my soul. Moral of the story is that if you break rank, you'll get picked off by a sniper pretty easily.

Obedience is better than sacrifice because God's the one with the master plan.

I'm frustrated by my rough edges. Pastor made a comment last Sunday about knowing people who are anointed, but rude - and that's not the Spirit-led life. I don't think I'm rude, usually, but there are things in there that I've been noticing more and I can't wait to get them worked out.

And I'm frustrated because I see myself becoming religious. I do a lot of the work, but struggle to maintain a relationship with the Man who died in my place and to wage war on behalf of (i.e. pray for) those I love. That's ridiculous. And that brings us back to fasting and disobedience...

chime in, here

2008-09-03T12:35:00.002-05:00

Jesse Phillips left a comment on the last post (ya, a week ago ... I know):

"Interesting thoughts. I'm bummed b/c I think this stuff is totally true - I love that I'm seeing it more, I want the rest of the body to catch-up to this idea, they don't seem to realize it. We're not loving people, Lex. What do you think is causing this? What is the solution?"

I agree that a lot of it is true, and that Christians should see it. Not arguing that at all.

As for the solution. I know what I think is the solution, but what do you people think? I know you're out there. Hit counters don't lie, and I'm interested to hear what you think is going on and what the body of Christ should do about it. I'll tell you what I think in a day or two.

i suck, alright? geeze.

2008-08-27T16:54:00.006-05:00

I started to post a comment on Holy Cow's blog, and it got long. You can get to him here, but most of the post was this video:

Okay. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just me because I work part-time in a church and I'm really involved in ministry and really into the Christian thing. But - and maybe it's just me - I'm getting kind of tired of hearing this, honestly.

Jim and Casper was pretty revolutionary. All of the Barna studies leading up to it, and that came to follow, were pretty ground-breaking. News of the first dozen churches across the country to hold public meetings and apologize for not "being Christian" was encouraging. All the blogs and videos and books and articles are perhaps, though, getting counter-productive.

And maybe it's just me that feels like I've heard this a million times. If a Christian out there hasn't heard that Christians in America don't love people like Jesus wants us to, by all means: be rocked by the message.

At some point, though, we need to get over the revelation and do something. Right now it sounds like the world, that is hostile toward God's people anyway, shouting, "Hypocrites! Jerks!" etc. and us going "You're right! We suck!" I feel like we're just feeding the lie.

Because strains of it are true: there are Christians who are not living godly lives. But it's just not true that "most Christians" are bad people. The good ones simply don't make the news, and they usually go unnoticed in our day to day lives because they're just nice people. We need to do good - probably more good than we are right now, sure - and point to it when the accusations fly. After that, we need to shut up and fix ourselves - not make documentaries about what horrible people we are.

I'm also getting really tired of the holier-than-thou attitude that this kind of stuff fosters within the Church. You've got a group of "real" Christians who create and/or use the articles and videos and books to puff themselves up because they know what's really wrong with all those other, lesser Christians.

It's not everyone. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that, by default, the authors of these works are arrogant. I wholeheartedly believe that most of the original authors and producers are genuine people who want to help the body of Christ see where she needs help. It's the conversation that goes on about them, in Christian circles, that is so often laced with self-righteousness. I know because I've been there. I've used some of it to put myself on a pedestal over other believers. I've since been knocked off said pedestal, but I wasn't up there alone.

So if you haven't heard it before, now you have. A segment of the body of Christ is failing to love the way Christ loves and serve the way Christ calls us to serve. Sit back for a moment and let it apply to you too, because it probably does. Agree with your adversary quickly. Okay? You good? Get it?

Now let's move on before this becomes our legacy.

random thought about Sampson

2008-08-26T15:20:00.002-05:00

Pastor talked about Sampson this past Sunday and I had a side-thought.

"And the Angel of the LORD appeared to the woman and said to her, 'Indeed now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and bear a son. Now therefore, please be careful not to drink wine or similar drink, and not to eat anything unclean. For behold, you shall conceive and bear a son. And no razor shall come upon his head, for the child shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb; and he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines.'" (Judges 13:3-5)

Sampson was set apart to God before he was even conceived. He was to fulfill the requirements of a Nazirite his entire life, which seems to start at the moment his mother becomes pregnant.

It's not earth shattering, and I think most of us know that God is not for abortion. I guess I just never thought of the story of Sampson as a plug for "life begins at conception."

That's all.

two cents

2008-08-19T09:33:00.002-05:00

Switch is almost done with a teaching series on giving called Two Cents. Timothy kicked it off with tithes and offerings two weeks ago, and this past Friday I got to talk to the students a little more about the widow and her two mites and going beyond 10% into revolutionary giving.

Which means that about a week ago I was staring at Mark 12, waiting for something really, really good to happen. And it did. It doesn't always (maybe I'm not always listening), but it did last week. I love that. I love getting to talk to the students about something that the Lord recently moved through me. It's just more fun.

I even got some thoughtful facial responses from my husband and some of the older students, so I thought I'd share my little revelation with you all. Maybe this is common place and you already know this, but I think it's cool.

Mark 12:44//"... for they all put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole livelihood." (Context)

That phrase struck me, "out of her poverty." If I tell you that out of God's mercy you are saved that means you're saved because of God's mercy. If someone tells you that out of compassion they bought a homeless man dinner, it means that a man got dinner because of their compassion.

So when Jesus says, "out of her poverty she put in all that she had," does that mean that she put in all that she had because of her poverty? Would this same woman in a better financial situation have given out of her abundance like all the others?

I think the surface message here what I've heard a thousand times: What really matters is not how much you have to give, but your heart in giving. Jesus is definitely telling us that. But I think Jesus is also reemphasizing the first of the beatitudes:

Matthew 5:3//"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

I tend to muse on virtual paper when I'm preparing a message and just type paragraphs. Sometimes I read them verbatim on Friday nights, sometimes I read pieces. Usually I just glance at it long enough to remember what I was thinking and speak it however it comes out. Last week I wrote this:

"Many of us have probably heard the sermon about giving. Even the sermon about giving above and beyond the 10%. Some of us have even decided to go for it and gotten really excited about it from the safety of somewhere away from our cash. We still don't do it, though, because we're not giving out of our poverty. We still think that our money matters, so it's impossible to part with it in any sort of revolutionary way."

Of course money does matter. You need to pay your bills, and it takes money to get the gospel out there. The specific bills that are in your wallet, or represented by the number on your bank statement, though, are not crucial.

God is not impressed by anyone's bank account.

news from lakeland

2008-08-18T17:08:00.002-05:00

Todd Bentley, of Fresh Fire Ministries, as been at the helm of the Lakeland "Revival" for months, until now.

On August 12, the Board of Directors at Fresh Fire announced that Todd and his wife had officially separated after months of marriage counseling. Three days later, a new letter was posted on the ministry's website that included the following:

We wish to acknowledge, however, that since our last statement from the Fresh Fire Board of Directors, we have discovered new information revealing that Todd Bentley has entered into an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff. In light of this new information and in consultation with his leaders and advisors, Todd Bentley has agreed to step down from his position on the Board of Directors and to refrain from all public ministry for a season to receive counsel in his personal life.

The activities in Lakeland have been hotly debated for months, as this latest news is now. I'm going to continue to keep my opinion on the whole thing to myself out of fear. There is plenty of opinion out there on Lakeland and Todd if you want it.

I'm going to ask that we take a minute and pray for Todd and his family. This is one of those crucial moments where the Church gets to show the world what she's made of. Do we walk on and over people who are experiencing hardship? Do we argue among ourselves, throwing "I told you so's" and "Don't touch God's anointed's" back and forth?

Or do we rally together - aware that our enemy is well seasoned in the art of divide-and-conquer, and pray for people?

it doesn't even rile my emotions anymore

2008-08-13T13:23:00.005-05:00

Jude 16-19//These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts; and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage. But you, beloved, remember the words which were spoken before by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ: how they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts. These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit.

Bound4Life Chicago

2008-08-09T21:22:00.004-05:00

"Jesus, I plead Your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and bring revival to America."

I glance down at the now familiar piece of red duct tape and draw a deep breath. I know, in part, what the next three hours will bring. Tears. Faith. Anger. Applause. Sore feet. Frustration. Restlessness. Hecklers. And a more intimate connection to the heart that saw the world before it was. I watch the piece of tape between my fingers and draw a deep breath just to put it off for another moment.

It's surprising and comforting how securely the tape holds to your face. You know it's not letting go, which you know means you can't let go. There's no turning back now, and my flesh hates me in this moment. It hates me more than fasting and more than early morning prayer walks and more than those comfortable moments that my husband ruins when he casually asks if I want to pray for a while.

But the tape clings, and even my flesh knows that pulling it off is going to hurt so we might as well.

And then my spirit takes over and I remember why I'm here.

I stand in the throne room of heaven and ask for Grace. I ask for Love. I ask for Forgiveness and Mercy. I ask that the women who leave this parking lot without their children would not become bitter, that they would know His mercy. I ask for boys to become men and fathers, fathers who defend their families. I ask for mother hens. I ask for doctors and nurses to admit what they already know is true and walk out. I ask for righteous judges in our nation's highest court. I ask for a spirit of adoption on God's Church.

One man approaches the fence to talk to our spokesperson. He and his wife have four children, whom he works two full-time jobs to provide for. She's pregnant, and in spite of him, refuses to spare the child. He had nearly talked her out of it last night, but when they called the clinic to cancel the apointment the people at the clinic told them no. She'd already taken some medication to ease the procedure and it was too late. He found out today that was a lie. He's considering divorce because he can't believe his wife would do this.

Twenty minutes before we left another frustrated father went back into the clinic to try to talk his girlfriend out of the abortion. We had to leave before any of them came back out.

The frustration was nearly overpowering. I couldn't get Isaiah 59 out of my head, and if I could have yelled with tape on my mouth I would have been.

"Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened that it cannot save, nor His ear heavy that He cannot hear." I admit it: I got upset. "Is Your hand short that You cannot save?!" I know: free will and all that, but it had been two hours. I was restless and a little sore and frustrated.

And for all of that, probably a little closer to the heart that saw the world before it was.

worship team perks

2008-08-08T13:05:00.002-05:00

Being on the Church in the Word Sunday morning worship team has it's perks. One of those perks is Bill Fetter.

Bill, for those of you who don't know, is the guitarist waaaay over on the right (your right, "house right"). He's the one smiling all the time. He and his wife are also on the Altar Team. You know the one.

Bill has a way with emails. That's one of the perks. These Worship Team emails are generally kept under wraps. They contain insanity not fit for the general population, so we tend to not leak them ... for your own safety. This one, though, is too good to keep quiet.

Tami (Remember Tami Hoban? Pastor's wife? Worship leader? She's kind of average height, red hair, really cute children? Oh ya.) has been gone forever at conferences and vacations. You know. Living like a rock star. Typical. Well she's supposed to be back in town sometime soon here, so Bill wrote her a Welcome Back email, which, of course, CC-ed the rest of the Team. It's like that. No secrets among us.

Here you go:

Hi Tami!

I wanted to take this time to welcome you back from your conference and vacation.
WELCOME HOME! WE MISSED YOU!

We all are excited to hear some of the things that you experienced at the conference and see some pictures from vacation.

I would also like to thank Mike and Dennis for the fantastic job they did while you were out being refreshed and renewed.

Things went very well and we all continued to grow in our craft and worship. However, you may find things a bit different due to some events that took place.

I'm not saying anything bad happened but as you know once a certain volume of water has passed under a bridge the bridge is never the same.

The one positive thing is that there were no arrests or jail time, and any lingering allegations of anything are just the whispers of the bitterly defeated, whining about something. Oh Boo Hoo all the hair on my arms have been burned off,.....Oh boo Hoo I can't hear out my left ear,.. Oh boo Hoo I walk with a limp now....... WOW what cry babies..... But things always work out for the best FOR the WINNERS!!!! and not the LOSERS..... Thats right babies the WINNERS write the HISTORY! READ IT AND WEEP! IN YOUR FACE!!!

Oh ...sorry... Back to the welcome home stuff!

We missed you but we became more of a cohesive team in your absents, caring and sharing.

Marching Band Sunday was a wonderful event that gave us all a chance to play John Phillip Sousa's version of Amazing Grace/ Break Free a new twist on worship that I think the congregation really hooked on to. The Uniforms were pretty cool too.

However the following weeks version of Fire Fall Down using real fire was a strong concept with a hard hitting message but getting everyone back in their seats after the fire dept. left was a problem.

Oh , by the way the new paisley/ plaid carpet looks cool.

And we used the chairs from the back of the church to replace the ones that got kind of wrecked in front. We did get some lawn chairs from a yard sale and they seem to be working fine.

Well in all we are so happy to have you back ready to roll. You will look excellent as do all the ladies on the worship team in our new South L.A. dew ragg rapper lids. Yours says
"Sup, YO Super TEEEEEEEEE Owwwww!" on the front. We wanted to keep yours a bit conservative, you know, being the team leader and Pastors wife and all.

Mikes scar is hardly noticeable and none of us really like wearing socks anyway. SO all is Good!

Remember this week is eye patch Sunday we have them ready for the first 300 in the building, yours has glitter on it, (of course) and the rest of us will just wear our basic patches that we can easily change from one eye to the other between songs.

As a side note I have the live chickens ready for release. I put them in Pastors office with a bunch of food to keep them quiet for the week. It should be fine there are only 72. I couldn't get the other 28 in they kept flopping out so I put them in the ladies bathroom.

So that is that, welcome back
See Ya!
Bill

insight for your morning

2008-08-04T09:21:00.001-05:00

Richard Halverson, former Chaplain of the United States Senate:

In the beginning the church was a fellowship of men and women centering on the living Christ. Then the church moved to Greece, where it became a philosophy. Then it moved to Rome, where it became an institution. Next, it moved to Europe, where it became a culture. And, finally, it moved to America, where it became an enterprise.

randomness 'cause my brain is fried

2008-07-31T12:43:00.002-05:00

First some videos.

This one just cracks me up. I still despise Verizon, but this is funny.

There are a tone of these here. Check out the street preacher one. It's hilarious.

What can I say? Mainstream marketing is going gorilla and they're good at it.

Finally, a trailer for a movie about a graffiti artist. I'm interested.

And - because I know you're curious - here are some of the random thoughts that are floating around in my brain:

One. I think Obama is the false prophet. I don't think he has it in him/meets the requirements to be the complete incarnation of the antichrist spirit that's going to wreak havoc here in a bit, but I tell you what: When that man has some sort of spiritual awakening and starts following a charistmatic religious leader who can work lying signs and wonders ... everyone will follow. I'm only partly kidding.

Two. The answer, for the last time, is Sin. For goodness sake. I've come across so many articles/blog posts/comment wars just in the past week about people losing their faith because they were exposed to corruption in the Church. Or because they just couldn't get over tens of thousands of children orphaned by AIDS. Why? How? (I'm being very melodramatic in my head right now.) Yes, those things are terrible, and not Christ-like, and the rest of us Christians disagree whole-heartedly.

But come on, you lost your faith because of it? Because of people? You lost your faith in an uncreated, beautiful, self-sacrificing, humble God because some very created, finite, horrible people happen to know of the same God? Knock it off. 'Cause if that's how we're going to play, I no longer believe in the U.S. government. Or our armed forces. Or local business, 'cause my husband had a run-in with a really rude bicycle repair shop owner last week. So now I will no longer ride my bike - despite the sense of freedom and the joy - because of the err of someone associated with bicycles.

Give me a break. And I realize I'm being kind of callous here, but I've heard/read it a dozen times in the past few days and it's really starting to irritate me. It's sin. People sin. People abuse children, share needles, have sex outside of marriage, etc. It's not God's fault. It's people's fault. Lose your faith in people, that makes more sense.

And you know, on the one hand we blame God for all of the stupid things that people do, but on the other hand we seem to get a kick out of rejecting God because "Christianity is all about rules." Christianity is not all about rules, but there are rules. And there are rules so that children don't get abused and so people don't die of AIDS.

It's sin. Freakin' stop it already.

Three. Twitter, if you haven't heard me say this before, is rad and weird. You know that earthquake in LA the other day? I knew about it at least 13 minutes before you did. Because I have Tweople in CA.

Just sitting at my desk and my TwitterFox box started going crazy with "Earthquake!" "That was a huge earthquake!" If you searched Twitter for "earthquake" in those 13 minutes, you would get a results page of the most recent 25 or so. By the time you scrolled to the bottom of the page (and we're talking about 25, 140-character-at-most messages) there would be a small box at the top telling you, "There have been 1024 new Tweets matching your results since you searched. Would you like to refresh?"

By the time CNN had any info up about the magnitude or the 2.8 after-shock it was old news.

That's cool. And that's weird. Welcome to the digital revolution.

worthy?

2008-07-29T12:43:00.002-05:00

I've been reading First and Second Thessalonians over and over and over the past several days (and on and off for the past several weeks). I heard a teaching once - years ago - that challenged the audience to pick an epistle and read it every day for a month. I did it first with Philippians and wow. I highly recommend it, but this is about Thessalonians.

Usually the process starts to get boring around day four, which is where I can slip into "on and off" for a week or so. I'm past that with the Thess' now, and have moved into being completely blown away by the concept of suffering for the kingdom of God.

Most, if not all, of the early Church suffered for the name of Jesus, but from these two short letters, it's obvious that the Thess' suffered more persecution and tribulation than most of the others. What's really agonizing my soul, though, is the way Paul talks about it.

In 1 Thessalonians 2 (v. 13 -) Paul commends them in that when they heard the gospel, they received it as the word of God, and not the word of men. They believed that what they were hearing was of/from God, and how does Paul know? Because they did what other faithful churches did, and opened themselves to persecution for the Lord's name. Verse 14 starts "For you, brethren ..." They allowed the word of God to so work in their hearts that it incited their fellow countrymen to violence against them; violence that they persevered through instead of running from.

In 2 Thessalonians 1, Paul encourages their "patience and faith" through all the trials and persecutions, calling it "manifest evidence of the righteous judgment of God." Their endurance was manifest evidence of the righteousness of God, because it means they were found worthy to suffer for the kingdom, because "it is a righteous thing with God to repay with tribulation those who trouble you."

A couple verses later, Paul says they pray always that the Thessalonian church would be found worthy of that calling. When I think about being counted worthy, I tend to think about things like spending a lot of time in prayer, or giving to the Church or overseas missions. I don't think about being persecuted, but I think it's part of my mind that still needs to be renewed.

Jesus said, "Blessed are you when they persecute you." In Acts 5, the apostles leave the council excited that they had been "counted worthy" to suffer for Christ. I know the principle is there, and I believe it's coming to the Church in the West, but am I ready? Am I worthy?

And if enduring persecution is a sign that I've received the Word of God properly, and evidence of God's righteousness, what's the opposite? If persecution does come to our society, and I manage to evade it, I am not worthy of the Kingdom.

John 15:20/Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.

party at my place

2008-07-28T12:32:00.002-05:00

It was a sleepy, Sunday afternoon. The way Sunday afternoons in July can tend to be. We got home from church. Timothy and I put jeans on. We put some of the groceries away. Two and I shared a pizza. We laid around: incapacitated by warm.

Timothy moved the laying around party to the bedroom, where there's at least a ceiling fan, by way of moving himself to the bedroom. Two and I soon followed and somehow, for some reason, the smack talk began.

"I will drop you, old man."

"Two, I'm laying down."

"Then I will pick you up and drop you."

Wisdom told me to remove myself from - literally - the middle of it, and just in time.

What followed, on the two-year-old IKEA bed, was what some may consider masculinity at it's finest - or most typical. With the pungent odor of testosterone thick in the air, Two made good on his promise to pick Timothy up and - from his knees - drop him.

The center support beam in the bed, however, also dropped. Manhood retreated for a moment as two, boyish grins turned my way - one from the edge of the bed and one from the canyon where the mattress once rested - begging, "This is funny, right?"

Given the shocked expressions where, in hindsight, there really shouldn't have been any, I had to admit that it was. And we did what three reasonable, responsible young adults should do when they've done something completely stupid that requires quick attention: We went to visit a friend at work for tea and cookies.

making humility difficult

2008-07-21T19:57:00.004-05:00

Yes, yes, it's been a week and a half but I'm a busy lady, alright? I've been meaning to blog/brag on hanging out with Bianca in SC, so I'm going to do it and I don't care how tardy it is.

This lady is awesome. You probably know that, but she's more awesome now than she was when she moved away a year ago. I know, I know: it sounds totally impossible, but it's true.

We went over to Jeff and Bianca's for dinner one evening during our vacation. Lovely evening with another adorable couple they go to church with (and their Baby Simon who is adorable). Before dinner, the womens were standing around in the kitchen chatting and Bianca started telling me about this book she's reading.

"You should read this book. It will totally help you understand your husband."

Ya, I inhaled sharply when she said it too.

Immediately I got a little defensive; I understand my husband just fine! Then she explained she's reading Wild At Heart and started to tell me about it, so I got the context of her comment a little better.

She's really impressed with this book, so she told us all about it. One of the most remarkably insightful things the author talks about is that God formed Man in the wild (where there just weren't any laundry hampers). Then He created the beauty and relative order/tranquility of the garden, put the man in it, and there He created the woman. That in and of itself spoke volumes to me.

Another night, Jeff took Timothy out to go rock climbing/laser tagging/Buck Hunter-ing, and Bianca and I got food and chatted for hours. More about Wild At Heart, and then about stuff girls talk about - namely everything. Time and time again, though, I was (and I'm embarrassing her now I'm sure) struck by how completely level-headed, and big-picture, and - for lack of a more humble word - wise that woman is. I honestly left their place that night feeling like a better wife already.

So if you're in South Carolina, ladies, schedule some couch time with Bianca.

And Bianca, you need to blog some of this stuff, girl. Seriously.

Bound4Life

2008-07-12T17:37:00.005-05:00

I spent the better part of my morning/early afternoon today with Sara and Bound4Life Chicago. I've known about Bound4Life for years, but this was my first siege ever. What an experience.

We were told to meet up with the team at The Prayer Furnace on Elston at 9 AM. At 8:55 there was no one there, but we discovered the parking lot behind the building. We moved the car and waited. For twelve minutes my flesh hoped no one would show so we could just go home, and my spirit bemoaned the idea. We came to stand, and I wanted to stand.

At 9:07 a van pulled in. We met a handful of people - including one young man who used to come to Switch before gas prices got too out of hand. Really nice people, and most of them were teenagers. We chatted about the cause, being in a band, and the Furnace. They're really comfortable people; I felt completely at home.

Just before 10 we got in what I am affectionately referring to as the Life Mobile. That thing is sweet. Jon explained some of the logistics on the way. When we're on "the line," we stand. If you want to kneel or sit that's fine, but back off the line to do it. If someone wants to talk, direct them to the spokesperson - identified by the bright orange vest. We're not here to talk to people; we're here to lay hold of heaven. Oh, and don't touch the fence. As long as we don't block the sidewalk and don't touch the fence, we can't be arrested.

A few minutes later, we pulled up outside a brown, brick building with a parking lot surrounded by an eight-foot, chain-link fence. The parking lot was half-full and license plates confessed that people had come from as far as Wisconsin and Ohio. Several young men waited or slept in and around cars.

On one side of the fenced parking lot stood almost a dozen senior citizens with rosary beads. They chanted in unison and despite the skeptic inside me, I knew that God saw their hearts. We smiled as we passed by to another side of the fence.

The orange vest had been previously covered in strips of red tape with "LIFE" written in bold, black letters. One by one, the first spokesperson for the morning put a piece on our backs, and handed us one for our mouths. Sara and I both having been served, we hesitated long enough to exchange glances. This is it. Here we go.

Tape clinging to my cheeks, I turned to face the fence. Ron was our first spokesperson for the day, and he walked down the line reading scripture and encouraging us that God hears and our prayers move heaven. He did this several times over the next three hours and I honestly don't know if I could have persevered without it.

During the next three hours we were given direction for our prayers. We spent time praying silently, but in unison, for the finances of the institution to dry up, for the hearts of the fathers to be moved with compassion in defense of their children, for forgiveness to grace the hearts of everyone inside, for righteous Supreme Court Justices. We spent time asking God for His heart for the unborn, and every time the church bells across the street tolled the hour, we knew that somewhere in America, another 183 children had been denied the call that God had for their lives. We spent time asking God to move the hearts of His Church for the unborn, and to release a spirit of adoption in us.

During the next three hours, my mouth got really dry. The skin around my mouth started to itch. My feet started to hurt, and my legs got really restless. My back started to get sore and as the sun came out, it got really warm.

During the next three hours we got applause and thanks from passers-by. We also got heckled and sworn at. One father got out of his car right in front of where we were standing and shouted at us, "I don't give a shit; she's got cancer." One man drove by and yelled, "Give it a rest! Don't you have anything better to do?" We glanced at each other down the line: absolutely not.

About two and a half hours into it, we stopped to share communion. Jon talked briefly about what we had and had not witnessed. Statistically speaking, about 40 children will have died inside that very building in the time we stood there. We didn't see any saved at the last minute this time, but "your stand here has been a memorial for those children who died, and heaven sees it."

In three hours, again - statistically speaking - about 560 children in America will die in the womb. With our final 15 minutes, we accepted silence again and counted to 560 with a word for each child. Jon suggested it could be a name, or a one-word prayer, but to get an idea for how many 560 is. I stood, face to the fence, and prayed.

One. Mercy.
Two. Justice.
Three. Forgiveness.
Four. Hope.
Five. Mercy.
Six. Justice.
Seven. Mercy.
Eight. Justice.
Nine. Mercy.
Ten. Justice.

I got to 180 and couldn't take it anymore, so I quit and finished out the hour in prayer.

It was a really intense day, and the three hours actually went by really quickly. I can't wait to get out there again next month. You should come with us.

Myrtle Beach

2008-07-06T20:15:00.003-05:00

K. I can finally write about our time in Myrtle Beach because we've surprised both Jeff and Bianca on separate occasions (neither of which I had a camera ready for, which is a total shame).

We visited Jeffy at work yesterday. We actually tried to get him on our way through Conway Friday evening, but we got there 30 minutes after they closed early for the holiday. We drove around to the window and Timothy knocked. The girl on the other side yelled that they're closed and she couldn't open the window.

"DOES JEFF POMS WORK HERE?"

"YES."

"IS HE WORKING TOMORROW?"

"YA. HE SHOULD BE IN BY 8:30."

"K. THANK YOU!"

We managed to get back to Chick-fil-A during the lunch rush on Saturday. He had his back to us, filling orders so we just pointed. The girl at the register turned around, "Mr. Jeff. Mr. Jeff, I think you should turn around, please."

He stared. He stared for a good five to ten seconds. You could see the wheels spinning. "Holy crap!" So we had our first Chick-fil-A, got directions to their church, and swore him to secrecy.

Sometime Saturday evening to Sunday morning, he let on that he had a surprise for Bianca. She said she got suspicious as he thoroughly cleaned the house.

Bianca saw us before we saw her this morning. We parked. We started to walk up to the small crowd standing in front of the church building when out of no where we heard, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" I felt like the prodigal son coming home: she ran to meet us, we got a lot of hugs, and she almost cried. It was sweet. Surprise accomplished.

Then lunch and more beach. Food and beach is about all we've done so far, and that's okay.

Oh, and church was really good this morning. If you're ever in Myrtle Beach and you're looking to go to church, I can sincerely recommend Seacoast Vineyard. The sermon this morning was really good.

Blogger doesn't want me to upload pics, but you can see them here.

thoughts on obedience

2008-07-04T23:11:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about/dealing with this a lot in the past couple weeks and two things really stand out:

First, I take issue with a phrase we Christians like to throw around. It goes something like, "delayed obedience is disobedience."

There are some situations in which that may be true, but Jesus told a story about two sons. The first refused his father's order, but later regretted his response and did what he was asked. The second son agreed to his father, but never actually did what was asked. Which did his father's will? Of course, the parable is primarily discussing salvation, but which did his father's will? Jesus accepts the first son's delayed obedience.

If the Lord asks me to give an offering, and I refuse but the next day regret my response and give the offering is that disobedience? It's not perfect obedience, and perfect obedience would be the goal (because, like I said, some circumstances do apply and can't be made up for later), but is it disobedience? Meh.

Second, Christians need to think less sometimes.

Now don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying we should be stupid. I'm not saying we should ignore apologetics. I'm not saying we shouldn't study the scripture. I'm not saying we shouldn't know the times. I am saying that when it comes to the issue of obedience, we may - sometimes - need to think less.

Because it seems to get us in a lot of trouble. We question and we wonder and we reason and we don't obey. It's not living by faith.

And the more I thought about this one, the more I thought about Jesus coming back. The bible says that if possible, even the elect will be deceived. It repeatedly calls that day "great" and "terrible." It talks about Jesus coming back to earth as a man to trample His enemies, and warns us to make sure our hearts are so right toward Him that we're not offended. Bottom line: He's always right; everything He does is just and good; our role is to trust and love.

So if we can't obey now (without the reasoning, the questioning, the doubting), when all He asks is for an offering or a simple (albeit counter-cultural) behavior or a spiritual discipline, how will we stand in love, faith and trust - proclaiming His goodness and mercy when the rest of the world is raging against Him?

lessons from the garden, chapter 3

2008-07-02T13:24:00.004-05:00

We'll come back to the obedience sermon another day. I'm working that out in myself right now. In the meantime, I was in the garden yesterday.

"Know the Secrets"

If you didn't know anything about gardening, you could probably still do a decent job. You know from pictures and other gardens that you've seen that you need to remove the grass. You know that you should remove the weeds. You know that if it doesn't rain for a couple days, you need to water it, and there are directions on the back of the seed packets for how deep and far apart to plant. Your garden would grow, and you'd reap a good harvest.

It's easier, though, and your harvest is better if you know the secrets. Secrets are learned by doing the same thing for two or three years and figuring out how to do it better, and secrets are learned by gardening with your mother for years.

The same is true of discipleship. You can read your Bible by yourself and pray by yourself, and you'll do just fine. It's easier, though, and your harvest is better if you know the secrets.

Secret #1: Carrots take longer.
There is a patch of dirt in the middle of my garden where two rows of carrot seed has been planted (denoted left by the sticks in the foreground, behind which, nothing seems to be happening). Those are my carrots. Carrots take longer to show up top-side because they're roots; they grow down much further than other plants' roots.

I know that because my mom always grew carrots. If I didn't know that, though, I'd be sorely disappointed at the idea of planting two rows of carrots and not getting a single one to grow. I might dig up those rows and try to re-seed it. I might try to plant something else entirely. I might just stop watering and weeding that section. But I'm not doing any of that, because I know how carrots grow.

I also know that you have to just open your mouth and speak in tongues before it makes any sort of sense. I know that pride often starts as spiritual pride or false humility. I know that a miracle of healing happens instantly, but sometimes a supernatural answer-to-prayer healing takes a couple days. If I didn't know these things, I might ruin something.

Secret #2: It's best to water in the evening.
I thought this was something everyone knows, but I'm constantly driving through neighborhoods on the weekends and watching people water their lawns in the middle of the afternoon.

Watering any sort of plant - especially plants that you want to produce fruit - during a hot, sunny, summer day is a bad idea. As soon as you stop, the water will evaporate really quickly. First of all, all your water was wasted, and secondly, you can scorch your plants and leave them drier and worse off than they were before. Water your garden in the evening, as the sun sets and the air begins to cool, so they can drink deep.

Reading your bible, praying, giving, and all the rest, out of a religious attitude are like watering in full sun. You go through the motions because you know you should. You know that a garden needs water. As a Christian, you know you're supposed to read your bible everyday. If the garden is not ready to receive water, it often ends up worse than it began. If your heart and spirit are not ready to receive God's word or blessing, you become religious.

Secret #3: Puddles are only on the surface.
I used to watch my mom water the garden and warn her to not drown the poor plants. I would stand by as puddles began to form in our footprints left between rows of peas and know for sure that she was killing all of our hard work.

Finally, after watering one evening (because we watered in the evening), my mom guided me to the edge of the garden and told me to pull back a small layer of dirt with my finger. I did, and was shocked to find out that, despite the puddles, the soil only an inch down was completely dry!

Especially when the garden is new, and the plants are first growing, water away. If small puddles start to form, watch them for a minute, and if they soak into the dirt pretty quickly, you're okay. Those little veggies (except the carrots you can't see yet) haven't set very deep roots yet. When they get older and their roots are deeper, you don't need to water as much, but for now they need rich soil.

The seed that is the kingdom of God in my heart needs rich soil, especially the new ones. Things that have been planted for a while - like tithing - don't need a lot of teaching or encouragement because they've got roots and they're producing fruit.

New seed (or seed that was planted years ago but that has never been properly watered so it's never developed much root) need more help. The "slave of all" seed is one that, for me personally, doesn't have a lot of root yet, so I need to water it more and more - even when on the surface it seems like puddles are forming.

testing, testing ... is this thing obedient?

2008-06-28T23:29:00.003-05:00

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Better than tithes. Better than financial offerings. Better than volunteering my every spare moment.

Three lessons in obedience in the past couple days.

One
During worship Friday night I was supposed to wait longer. I was supposed to encourage anyone there who did not yet speak in tongues, but wanted to, to trust God and open their mouths and speak. I was supposed to make a way, and I didn't. I found out later who it was for and repented. I pray that one will come back again, and that that gift will be received soon.

Nothing that I sacrificed - my time, finances, effort, passions - measure up to what I lost in that moment of disobedience because 24 hours later someone should be praying in the Spirit and she's not. I'm forgiven, sure, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences.

Two
I really want to write a book about my experiences in Missouri in 2001. My freshman year of college and Pancake City. I've got stories for a book and, I believe, the ability to write them well. I think it would be really good. I got really, really excited about it. Four pages are done and saved on my hard drive right now.

But it in no way glorifies God. I've reasoned with my spirit that if it were wildly successful it could launch the writing career I've been secretly praying for and everything thereafter certainly would glorify God. I've reasoned that should some success come from it, I would make every effort to point back to Jesus. I've reasoned that if some profit came from it, I'd obviously tithe and then some.

But if writing is a gift, it's from God and it's meant for His glory alone. Not mine. Not Pancake City's. Do I want to glorify God with my talent, or become successful according to the world?

"What if I don't want you to be a successful writer?" He asked me that yesterday. Now, I believe that He wants me to use whatever gift He's put inside of me, and I believe He wants me to do well. But I still struggle with the hypothetical. What if? What if that's not what He wants me to do? Am I okay with that? Am I willing to walk away because He says so? How obedient am I?

Three
What if God asks you to break the rules? Not the law. Not His rules. My rules. What if I make a rule about qualifications for a position, a good rule, and He makes an exception? What if there's something bigger that He wants to do in or through someone and it requires breaking one of my rules?

Can I stand against criticisms (not from anyone in authority over me, because that's rebellion and that's different)? Can I stand before accusations of hypocrisy and do what He wants me to do? Where I've established excellence, can I sacrifice my reputation?

I think I've come to terms very recently with the last one. Number two is still really hurting me. I covet your prayers on that front.

There's more on this, but I'll save it for another day lest this become a novel.

1 Samuel 15:22b-23a//Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.

lessons from the garden, chapter 2

2008-06-24T20:52:00.006-05:00

"Waiting."

1. A seed has to take root before it can show up above ground. Every day for the first week I check and double-check my rows and nothing. I know I did everything right, though, so I wait. And wait. And wait. And then one morning:

2. Clearing one problem will often make room for another one. We removed a lot of grass and the ants where very thankful. In no time, the patch of dirt destined to be a lush, fruitful garden was crawling with ants. Overcoming fear may open a door for pride. Overcoming pride may open a door for false humility (which is pride).

(And beware the counter-attack. I literally blasted a swarm of ants out of the garden and days later cannot keep them out of the kitchen sink.)

3. Weeding is tricky while you're waiting for a seed to grow. Some things are obviously weeds, but some are harder to tell. Especially if you're growing something new and you're not familiar with what the seedling looks like. As much as you want to pull out the weeds while they're small, sometimes you have to let them grow until you know for sure what you're pulling.

Weeding at this point becomes not fun really quickly. It starts out as a relaxing exercise, and a good excuse to put on shorts and be in the sunshine. With a lot of dirt and little actual crop sprouting, though, it gets tiresome in short order. You start to wonder why weeds grow so easily and crops take their time.

4. Draw your battle lines and defend them to the death (of the grass). Carving out a rough rectangle of dirt is good, but it helps immensely to clearly draw the lines. Timothy hauled some pieces from another part of the yard over to outline the garden a couple days ago. Not only does it look better, I now know where the grass is supposed to be and where it's not. I don't have to worry about getting carried away and killing too much grass around the edge, and I don't have an excuse to get lazy and let the grass slowly creep back in.

Draw your battle lines. Write them down. Post them on your mirror or fridge and hold the line like you would in a war. Because you're in a war. Timothy and I do not watch R-rated movies unless the rating is only for war-related violence. That's one of our lines. There have been movies that we really wanted to see, but we hold the line. We start with a 10% tithe and round up every month. There have been months that have been really, really hard to round up, but it's one of our battle lines.

5. Finally, remember that it's by faith and patience that we inherit the promises. Translation: when you've done all you can do, take a nap.

what fun

2008-06-23T12:41:00.005-05:00

Some fun stuff for you:

Bored with Google? Viewzi is a pretty sweet new search engine. I really dig the Screen Shot view. My only gripe is that it's not quite as fast.

I saw this ad recently that really inspired me. The top of the page says "Imagine a president who stands for this." It then quotes Matthew 25:35-36. I was excited. I went to the website. I am now infuriated. What a scam.

This is a sweet shot of a tornado by a woman in Orchard, IA:

Kiva is a cool organization that links you to entrepreneurs in developing countries. You make short-term (about six month) "micro loans" to help them get their businesses off the ground, and they pay you back. (And then you loan your $25 to someone else.) Pretty cool.

The Jesus film is going anime:

Apparently the old film is visually outdated. Remaking the whole film, however, means re-translating it into something like a million languages. This way they can use the same audio. Watch the clip and then take the survey to help them out.

I want some of these.

And there's this cool website that makes word clouds for you. You pick the font, general layout, and a color scheme. Below are two I made (in about 30 seconds). The first is Revelation 4 and the second is the Sermon on the Mount. Cool.

in God we trust?

2008-06-19T20:34:00.004-05:00

Here's a thought that I had ... while gardening (although it has nothing to do with gardening, that's tomorrow).

Christians like to adamantly defend the phrase "In God We Trust" on U.S. currency. We got all upset when we thought it wasn't on the new dollar coins. We say passionate things like, "When they take 'In God We Trust' off the money, I'm moving out of the country." (Which is strange to say anyway, because which country would you move to? No other nation that I know of has "In God We Trust" on their money, so the grass isn't really greener anywhere else is it?)

Why?

We want our country to recognize our God, sure. We want to ... what? ... honor God by "trusting" Him, in print, on our monies?

I wonder if God wants to be on our money.

Hear me out.

When you take a fifth grade class on a field trip, you sometimes put them all in the same shirt - with the school's name on it - so you can pick them out of a crowded museum. Or when a high school jazz band goes to compete, they're all wearing their school name. What do the teachers always tell them? They're supposed to not only fulfill the purpose of the day (attend the museum, do well at the competition, etc.), but they're supposed to be on their best behavior. Why? Because they are representing your school.

Similar phenomenon when Christians do silly things that are contrary to the word of God - like protest the funerals of homosexuals or military persons. They stand there in the name of Christianity, spewing hatred and all things not Christ-like, and I don't know about you but it irritates me. Because by association they are making me look bad. Non-Christians in this country think Christians are judgmental and hypocritical more than anything else.

So I wonder about God. I wonder if He looks at the United States of America as a collective body and sees

The remorseless killing of 4000 babies every day
Adultery that's as prevalent in the Church as without
A pornography industry that makes more money than four major sports franchises combined
The legalization of homosexual marriage

The list goes on and on. There are good things happening, sure, and I have faith that the nation as a whole can repent and turn back to God if it chooses, but in the meantime I wonder if God wants us wearing His name while we behave like this in front of the rest of creation. Isn't that kind of insulting? Hypocritical? Disrespectful?

Obviously, the best solution would be to get the laws of our land back to a place that honor God, but given scores of prophecies about the last days ... I mean I hate to be negative, but ...

lessons from the garden, chapter 1

2008-06-18T17:04:00.008-05:00

"Preparing the Soil"

My mom used to have a cute little wall hanging in her house that said, "I'm closer to God in my garden than anywhere else on earth." (If you started to make a theological argument in your head when you read that, you need to take a deep breath before reading further.)

I (dramatic pause) have a garden. My dad killed a patch of grass in our back yard, and last Saturday my wonderful husband tilled it up. I've had many blissful hours since then in the patch of dirt that was left behind.

And you know how it is hanging out with Jesus: everything becomes an object lesson. So here we go.

Well, wait. Before we begin allow me to explain some Christian jargon to any non-Christians who may be reading. Jesus liked to compare the Word of God (the written one and the words Jesus spoke day after day) to a seed. Because He's good with analogies, He, then, commonly referred to our hearts as the soil said seed was planted in to bring forth gorgeous plants and delicious foods (i.e. peace, love, joy, kindness, patience, etc.). K? So there's an unspoken moral to this silliness.

Here we go. What I learned about myself while starting a garden:

1. It's much harder to start a new garden than to start a new season in the garden that my mom has been cultivating for years. A lot harder, and for obvious reasons.

2. It's impossible to till up live grass. It's simply too resilient. Sometimes things are perfectly normal and perfectly fine need to die so you can get to good soil.

3. It's still hard to till up dead grass. God bless my wonderful husband. He tilled and raked and tilled and raked and then I think tilled a third time. Just getting to fresh soil, where a seed can be safely planted, is half the battle.

And it needs to be done way ahead of time. You can't chose the day you want to plant and go out that day to kill the grass. The grass took a week to die and tilling it up took most of the morning. If the soil hadn't been prepared ahead of time, the seed wouldn't grow.

4. Doing your best means you will get dirty. Despite all the labor that had already gone into it, I spent a day and a half on my knees, digging up the dirt with my hands and a small garden spade. The garden might have grown alright if I hadn't, but I really got down to the good dirt.

5. Purity is key/anything can be a weed. If I say "weed" you think - well, alright, some of you think of drugs but past that - of dandelions and thistles. In a cultivated garden, though, anything besides what is planted is a weed. The grass that was normal - even necessary - a few weeks ago is now a weed, so all of it has to come out lest it spread ... like a weed.

6. You have to tend the whole thing. My strategy was to dig up a two-foot wide strip and then plant something, and then dig up the next two feet and plant something. Each thin row of seed needs to be a foot to a foot-and-a-half apart.

After a couple rows the temptation was to leave the soil between the rows and just dig up and purify the thin strip where I was going to plant. I thought about it for a minute and then realized that if I don't take care of the soil between the rows, whatever is still rooted there will grow up and I'll have to deal with it later. Later, however, it will have recovered from three tillings and be more rooted and I'll have to be more careful not to kill the veggies growing next to it.

7. Know your enemies and show no mercy. Earthworms are not your enemies. Quite the contrary. Earthworms aerate the soil and plants like aerated soil. Earthworms are you friends. Beetle larvae, however, are not your friends. They will eventually become beetles and likely eat your veggies. The earthworms I was careful to spare. The beetle larvae I threw into the street.

There you go. I'm sure there will be more lessons as things start to grow and harvesting kicks in. I know, I know, you're on the edge of your seat but you'll just have to wait.

warning

2008-06-17T12:07:00.004-05:00

It's been almost a week and the wake left by whatever tore through our neighborhood last Thursday morning is still obvious.

Across the street, our neighbors' fence is still in shambles. A dozen yard waste bags stand at attention along the curb, and the stump near the street is still fresh.

At the other end of the block, someone's tree remains obviously amputated and ashamed next to the porch it accidentally destroyed. It's future is uncertain. Part of the roof is still missing, and logs line the street for the width of the block.

Windshields have been replaced. Gutters are being repaired, and every day when I come home I stare up at the dead branch hanging precariously at the very top of our injured tree. I'd rather it fall when no one is around than have to pay someone to pull it down.

My parents live in McHenry - a good 30 minutes north - and we laughed about their non-response to the tornado siren that went off Thursday morning. They live blocks away from the fire department, so sirens are not uncommon.

Coworkers, friends, church family have all shared stories of bunkering down in basements and pantries at the sound of the alarms in Crystal Lake, Lake in the Hills, Dundee, and Cary. No one has destruction stories to rival ours, but we're also the only ones who never heard a siren.

I've had prophetic words spoken over/at me for years. You hang out with people who believe the New Testament and it happens. One has stuck with me more than the others for a little over two years now, and it had to do with being a siren - the air raid kind, not the nude mermaid kind. If there was one that I could say with all certainty was the word of the Lord it was that one.

And to an extent it's true of all Christians. Our job is to prepare the way. We're an army of John the Baptists. We're the voices in the wilderness that, when everything looks lost, speak truth.

Our neighborhood was the hardest hit, and we were the only ones who did not hear a siren. I was talking to Holy Spirit about the irony of it and he stopped me in my tracks:

"Be ready."

Tornado sirens are tested on the first Tuesday of every month at 10 AM. We're all used to it. We hardly flinch when they go off during staff meetings or classes. The first Tuesday of the month at 10 AM, however, is not the purpose of the siren.

The purpose of the siren is to warn people of the coming danger. Said siren could nail every first Tuesday of the month at 10 AM with stunning accuracy, and still ultimately fail, rendering itself useless, if it doesn't go off when danger is imminent.

Be ready.

In Matthew 24, Jesus is talking to His disciples. Verse three even says they came to Him privately. He wasn't talking to the church leaders. He wasn't talking to the masses. He was talking to the twelve, and in verse 42 He says, "Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming."

Matthew 24:44//Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

wreckage

2008-06-14T20:38:00.005-05:00

It was 1:30 on Thursday morning when a freight train rolled through the neighborhood:

The next morning:

There are more pictures here.

What began as a mysteriously long gust of wind soon shook the whole house and the noise it made was one of the most terrifying things I've ever heard. We got up and started looking out windows, as best we could through the rain.

I got around to the small window at the end of the living room and saw much of our big, lush, beautiful tree laying in the street. Thank God it was in the street and not on our house.

Everyone was out on the street in the light rain. Fire trucks showed up quickly because a power line was laying in the street. People were mourning gutters, windshields, fences, porches, boats, roofs, etc. Timothy and I were and are unspeakably thankful that nothing on our corner was damaged.

One neighbor said he checked the weather and "the worst is yet to come." I've never ever ever been afraid of storms before, but I was afraid that night. Every time the sky lit up I'd wake up and listen for thunder to determine if it was coming closer. It was crazy.

Just before we went back inside to try to sleep (ha!) Timothy decided to move the cars further up the driveway. He got in mine and as soon as he turned it on Misty Edwards shouted at him "as in the days of Noah so it will be in the days of the coming of the Son of Man ..." I half expected a voice to boom from the heavens, "This has been a public service announcement from the Omega."

Because as we walked up and down the block talking to people and surveying the damage and trying to shake the horrifying noise from my memory our conversation, every few minutes, would fall silent and one of us would admit, "It's only going to get worse."

"And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows." Matthew 24:6-8

"For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body." Romans 8:22-23

conversation

2008-06-12T12:55:00.003-05:00

I got to hang out with Jen for a bit after the service last night. She's headed out to CO for the summer, early Saturday morning. *tear*

Jen's one of those wonderful people who seems to just pop in and out of your life every so often to give you a little boost. A little reminder of what you're doing and probably a little reminder of why too.

We talked about how expensive Starbucks is because you really pay for the experience and the logo more than you do for the coffee. We talked about pre-ground coffee being of the devil. Like dancing.

We talked about simple things like our siblings and lofty ideals like vacations.

We talked about the expression of Christianity in the west versus the rest of the world. We talked about "to whom much is given much will be required." We talked about persecution and how deeply our own convictions really go. We talked about pain. We talked about stained glass. We talked about Constantine, but that's between her and I.

We talked about the rapture and the tribulation. We talked about 2 Thessalonians and Matthew 24. We talked about seals and trumpets and bowls and famines and cyclones and earthquakes. We talked about the next couple decades.

Then we went to my (new) house and watched The Star of Bethlehem. If you haven't seen this yet, let me know and you can come over some time. We talked about Revelation and astrology and constellations. We talked about omnipotence and eternity. We talked about Adam in the garden and came up with some really good questions for Jesus.

What the heck is firmament anyway?

How do we know the names of the constellations? Did You name them or did we? You talk about them in Job, but if You named them who did You tell their names to? Did Adam know them? Did Adam name the animals in the garden after them? Which bear came first: the animal or the constellation?

How many species were on the ark with Noah? You said two of every kind, so are there more now than there were B.C.?

How do you do that thing were Old Testament prophecy regards both the immediate future of the prophet in his time, and the end of days?

And then it was late and Jen left.

let's rebel

2008-06-10T12:09:00.002-05:00

Sitting in my family's Luthern-ish church last week for my great-grandma's funeral was enlightening as usual. I think those of us at exciting churches should visit these kinds of churches once in a while. I'm convinced that the greatest threat to the western church isn't porn or pot, it's ourselves.

I sat as one of the co-pastors read a poem or a cute story or something and looked at the small, stained-glass windows. I like stained glass. It's pretty. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what a Chinese Christian would think of it. Or a 2nd-century Roman Christian. We're so blessed with our religious freedoms.

But what do we do with our religious freedoms? Cloister? Offend people?

Her husband shared stories about grandma (which I hope to get to tomorrow), and then the wife co-pastor got up to close the service. "Our Christian faith was made for times like these."

Yes, she did.

"Our Christian faith was made for times like these." Times like what? Death? Sorrow? This is what faith is for? Christ shed the glories of heaven, came to earth as a man, overcame every temptation, suffered the most excruciating death known to humankind, visited hell, rose from the dead, and left for heaven after charging His followers with the responsibility of loving the gospel more than their own lives ... for this? To help us get over the grief of temporarily losing a loved one? To comfort me? God gives to each a "measure of faith" so we can believe that Jesus is the risen Messiah and feel better at a funeral?

Maybe I've been listening to too much of Zahnd's Not for Sissies series lately, or maybe it has something to do with my reading Watchman Nee and Jesus Freaks and VOM at the same time, but I have to respectfully disagree that this is what our Christian faith was "made" for.

Yes there is comfort, and yes there is hope. Yes, because of my faith and the faith I know my grandma had on earth, I didn't shed a tear. Yes, my faith made the day easier to get through, but that is not what it's for.

My Christian faith is for redemption. My redemption, the redemption of my family and friends, the redemption of my neighborhood and my community, and ultimately the redemption of creation.

My Christian faith is for transformation. My transformation, the transformation of my family and friends, the transformation of my neighborhood and my community, and ultimately the transformation of creation. I died in Adam, but by faith I was crucified in Christ and I am only now become what I was meant to be.

My Christian faith is for revolution. A revolution that will love in the midst of hate, give in the midst of greed, and serve in the midst of selfishness. A revolution that will restore the supernatural and the spiritual to the gospel, and exalt the Cross over comfort.

following

2008-06-05T12:45:00.002-05:00

(Go here.)

Unrelated:
It's been Lessons in Leadership for me this week. Most recently, in the art of following.

Because you can't have authority until you learn to submit to authority, right? The wonderful cycle of submitting to authority and using authority just never ends. I can honestly say that being in a leadership role has probably made me a much better follower.

And the lessons in following have extended to others recently. Not just any "others," either (that rolls off the tongue, huh?) - some of my dearest others. Which has had me really mulling and praying over it for days. I've come to one conclusion, so here it is, my be-a-good-follower tip of the day:

Philippians 2:14//Do all things without complaining or disputing.

That's not a heavy-handed order. I really think that's the call to discipleship and servanthood (which is what this whole thing is about anyway). If we're serving God, then we're serving the people He puts over us, and I think our relationships with those people should be marked by Philippians 2:14. Joke, suggest, emote, share, muse ... just don't complain and don't argue.

the leader

2008-06-03T12:14:00.003-05:00

Jesus is so nice to me.

We've been kind of arguing lately. By arguing I mean I've been asking Him questions - one in particular - and He's been very quiet. I know that there's a reason, but sometimes a straight answer to a simple question would just be nice. Sometimes I'd really like to not grow through any experience or anything like that, and just get a simple answer to a simple question. Then I get frustrated and it's kind of like arguing.

I'm not going to elaborate because it would sound like a shallow plea for pity, but that's the emotion in my heart right now. Love struggling to be patient through serious frustration. That's the backdrop.

In the meantime, at work, I've been asked to condense my notes on 20 books that I've read in the past year into one-page summaries. Bullet points and a couple good quotes. "Talking points," they've been called. Can do.

It's been an interesting opportunity to review some really good material that I went through rather quickly. Transforming Church, Breakout Churches, Good to Great, The Contrarian's Guide to Leadership... Really good stuff. Most of it is about leadership and/or ministry, so naturally I'm reviewing it all through the eyes of a youth leader.

About a week into this project I am convinced I'm a terrible leader. Surveying the general condition of those things which I have been placed in leadership of, I've had a couple of really bad evenings in the past week (and sure, part of that is PMS, but not all of it). (Here again, I forbid you from tempting my ego by posting anything to the contrary in the comments. Don't make me disable the comments again.)

So I've been praying for myself lately, which alerted me to potentially part of my problem: I hardly ever pray for myself. That's not to brag - because it's really not a very good thing - it's just the way I am. I talk to Holy Spirit throughout the day, so when it's "prayer time," I just forget to pray for myself. But if I'm not praying for me on a regular basis, who is?

*crickets*

Exactly.

So I've been praying for myself lately, that God would help me in this and make me a better leader. We were talking about it on the way to work this morning and He solved it for me. "You're not the leader, Lex, I am. You're just one of the first ones in line."

(And, of course, He was talking about my specific situation. Considering the global body of Christ over the past 2000 years, I'm one of the last in line.)

And that did it for me. I'm just one of the first ones in line. I follow the people ahead of me as they follow Jesus, and the people behind me do the same. If someone ahead of me veers away from the path Jesus is laying out, then it's my responsibility to look up and stay on the right path. That's so simple. This is going to sound silly, but Jesus is brilliant.

the body

2008-06-02T12:48:00.002-05:00

"I AM."

Sometimes I forget that's God speaking, not me.

I remember hearing or reading a story recently about a young Asian athlete. This girl messed up at - I believe - an Olympic competition. Through her tears immediately afterward, she could be heard to lament not for her own loss or pain, but for the embarrassment and the disappointment she brought to her family and her country.

It's vague, I know, but the moral I perceived stuck with me.

Americans are very individualistic people. Anyone can see why; individualism sells more stuff. When you, personally, are supposed to be the most beautiful, the most affluent, the smartest, the most desired, etc. it doesn't matter if your best friend has one you can borrow or use - you need one for yourself. Whatever it is. Individualism, ego, and pride sell stuff.

I wonder sometimes how much of that mentality has corrupted the Church in America. I think it's worse than we initially nod our heads at. I think we're so used to it that we think it's normal, and we don't always realize how self-focused we really are. I think that's why that story struck me, because that would not have been the source of my despair.

Yes, I know that God knew me before the foundations of the world. I know that He numbers the hairs on my head, and is familiar with every tear I've ever cried. I know. And it's important to know, and to teach, that God knows us personally and loves us personally.

Sometimes, though ... I wonder if we know it too much.

What about the body of Christ? What about the disciples not knowing want because each gave what he had to the Church, and the Church gave to each what he needed? What about bearing one another's burdens? I don't think that applies only to prayer.

Sometimes I wonder if we become so focused on our ministries, our callings, our anointings, and what God is doing in and through us as individuals that we don't see ourselves as part of the body. We know we are, but do we really believe it?

Do we wonder how our driving habits impact our neighbors' impressions of the Church? Do we wonder how we could serve our local church more? When we have a little extra money, do we indulge ourselves or do we ask God who to give it to?

Do we see ourselves as the body of Christ first and individuals second, or vise versa? Because isn't that servanthood? Isn't that being a "slave of all?" Putting everyone - even if it's "everyone" collectively - before self?

hell who?

2008-05-29T12:49:00.004-05:00

You hear about the fear of hell kind of off and on in Christian circles.

I read an article months about wherein one of the pastors at a church out west was sharing how he came to "salvation." He commented that, "fear is a perfectly legitimate way to enter the kingdom of God." I remember thinking that's probably true.

Last night during the midweek sermon, Pastor was talking about that battle people go through at the point of making a decision to follow Christ. On the one hand are lots of things: your friends think you're an idiot; you have to change things about your life; your mum will think you've joined the IRA (I didn't have that problem myself). On the other hand was one thing: you could go to hell. I remember wondering what that balance would look like.

This morning I read this. I imagine the "perceived immediate benefit" is either a prosperity gospel or the avoidance of hell.

Before I said Yes to Holy Spirit's nagging, I didn't believe in hell. Christians could read scripture and "testimonies" of hell until they were blue in the face and I'd still curse God just to prove it didn't bother me. You can't really scare someone about something they don't believe in.

So I started to think about that period of a few months leading up to my rebirth. If it wasn't the fear of eternal damnation, what was it?

Aside from the obvious-to-the-Christians answers like hearing the word of God via CDs this weird guy kept bringing me, and abundant prayer being offered up on my behalf, do you know what it was?

The Passion of the Christ.

Seriously. Yes, the Mel Gibson movie. My mom and I went with said weird guy and his weird church to a screening in Crystal Lake, and I left the theater with this weighty decision on my mind (spirit). I couldn't care less about hell, but I needed to know if what I saw in that movie was true. It was suddenly so grave.

I didn't even realize what I was going through until about a week later at a show at my favorite punk house. I wasn't drinking, which sparked a conversation. This one particular guy - whom everyone very much admired - was running through every anti-woman thing he knew about Christianity and the Bible. About the time he got to "Did you know the Bible says that women aren't supposed to talk in church?" I realized my dilemma.

"That's not it, Eric. I'm not trying to decide whether or not I agree with it, it's whether or not it's true."

If it was true, then I was wrong and I could fix that. It would be painful, but not as painful as what I'd seen. If that Man really did take my place then I owed Him something.

Maybe I'm the only one who finds this interesting - or maybe you love someone who doesn't care about threats of hell. Here's my advice: Truth sets people free, not fear.

pursue Me

2008-05-28T13:54:00.004-05:00

I sat on stage last Friday night violently aware of the lights on my face. With my head down just so the short bill on my hat would cast a shadow, but somehow I still felt the cold lights on my eyelids. Because maybe if I didn't look at them they'd just go away.

Three quarters of the way through our worship time I didn't feel God; I felt boredom. I'm tired of boredom. I'm tired of every worship song being the same, every worship set being the same, every Friday night and Sunday morning being the same. I'm ready for the next thing. I'm ready for more. Lord, what am I doing wrong that we're stuck in this place?

Pursue Me.

It wasn't a command, just a gentle suggestion whispered quietly within my spirit.

Pursue Me.

So I gave it voice. The more I spoke it, the louder it grew inside me. I don't know if I was talking to the students or just to myself, but it got louder and louder and not urgent - but desperate? At some point in my spontaneous discourse Pursue Me went from a suggestion to a plea.

Pursue Me. Not because I need you to, but because you need you to. You need to. There is nothing out there for you. The world has nothing for you. Pursue Me. I'm not easy. I am not cheap. I am not simple or quick because I am not of the world. Pursue Me. I give you rest. I am your peace. I go before you. I am your breath. I am your heartbeat. I am your romance, your fantasy, and your adventure. I AM. Pursue Me. Pursue Me. Pursue Me.

who loves you?

2008-05-22T12:11:00.002-05:00

This is completely dangerous. Bad idea.

I'm so not a Star Wars fan, but I want one of these. I don't know what I'd do with it, but come on.

This is a strange, kind of sad story about an autistic teenager vs. his local church. I'm sure that's a difficult situation, but a restraining order may not be the most Christlike way to go about it.

And if you're looking for some outside-the-box art, here you go. Kind of weird, but really stinkin' clever.

Oh, and Facebook may take on a new ... um ... face soon. Not sure how I feel about this. You?

Finally, I need your opinion on these (the teenagers especially). This is a business-card size advertisement that I designed for something going down at Larkin that CITW was cool enough to buy us ad space for. Did I mention they're business-card size? I was thinking about getting some glossies printed. Do we like them? Would you use them to hand out?

twitter

2008-05-20T12:37:00.003-05:00

Twitter is getting weird on me.

I downloaded an application on my computers at work and home called TwitterFox (for FireFox users). It's an AIM application for Twitter, basically. Every time someone that I'm following posts something it pops up in a small box in the lower right-hand corner of my browser for about five seconds.

On the one hand it's reminding me how personal it can be.

A couple days ago the ninja from Ask a Ninja twittered about someone he knows who came home from work and found his wife ... um ... deceased. He, of course, linked to the guy's twitter page where you could read hourly updates on the tragedy. He also posted a link to a website that was being used to collect donations for the guy and his family. I don't know this man, but I was heart-broken for him.

On the other hand, it's been flexing it's muscles.

I knew it was good when they automated the cell phone thing. (Text "follow switchstudents" to 40404 and you'll get live updates and reminders from Switch.) It's getting intense, though.

A college student used Twitter to free himself from an Egyptian prison. Seriously.

I also read some article yesterday (in passing, and I can't find it now) about Twitter's resourcefulness in the face of natural disasters. Like the CA fires last year. Major news outlets were reporting on what towns were in danger, but people needed to know which neighborhoods were at risk. Two guys in CA set up a Twitter page that was quickly picked up, whereby they posted moment-to-moment updates. I've heard similar stories coming from westerners in Burma.

I also found WeTheChurch. It's a website to log prayer requests and testimonies for the Church, but they've also set up a Twitter account. Every 15 to 20 minutes a request and/or a report from the website pop up in my window. And yes, I've prayed for a couple of 'em.

I'm just realizing how strange, and how leveling it really is. I get updates from witty stay-at-home moms, an NBC camera guy, a woman who carpools with strangers every day, the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, and a bulldog (although the bulldog hasn't updated in months).

So if you're not twittering yet, get on the bandwagon. It's occasionally creepy, but if you're ever in a jam (or a middle-eastern penitentiary) you'll thank me. Let me know you're on and I'll make you one of my tweeple.

narnia

2008-05-19T12:12:00.005-05:00

Timothy and I went to see Prince Caspian Friday night after Switch. (10:40 PM in LITH)

I'm not a C.S. Lewis purist. I only ever read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I can't make the kind of scathing critique that others may have to offer. Suffice to say I liked it.

Well, I liked it until the end.

So far, both of the Narnia movies have left me a little depressed. After this stunning adventure we always end up back in England. It's like ending on a Monday every time. Eugh.

The rest of it I liked.

They did a good job, again, of representing Christ in Aslan. You don't see him very much in this movie, but the promise of his coming is always at hand.

At one point, the youngest, Lucy, thinks she sees him in the forest and tries to convince the others that Aslan wants them to follow him. They don't listen because they didn't see him for themselves. Toward the end, Lucy finally finds him and explains that she knew he was there, but the other's didn't believe her. To which Aslan replies, "Why would that stop you from coming to me?"

My favorite part was the end. Aslan doesn't really show up until the crucial moment. Most of the time, the main characters have to fight some pretty ugly battles on their own. One mistake leads to a really devastating end, and all the time the Narnians who weren't around 1300 years ago are doubting whether Aslan will come back to help them at all.

The three older siblings (who are doing the actual warring) and Prince Caspian don't meet Aslan until the whole thing is over. They haven't said a word to him, but at the end of the final battle, they all walk up to him and simply kneel.

I think I held my breath when it happened. And maybe I'm doing that thing where I get too wrapped up in movies, or maybe this is still working through me, but that was a wonderfully symbolic moment.

That was the moment when you've fought the good fight, when having done all, you stood. That was the moment you came through to victory at the hand of last-minute grace. It was the moment when you're not only exhausted, but emotionally wounded, when accusations start flying through your mind. "Where have You been? Didn't You see? Didn't You know? Why didn't you come sooner? So many died and you didn't come. We fought and we fought and You didn't come!"

But if your heart is right it's also the moment when you realize that despite your best efforts you would have lost in the end had He not come. It's also the moment when you remember that if He delayed, He delayed for a reason. That no matter what it looks like, He's always right. And despite the accusations, and despite your hurting heart, you kneel because He is the good King.

sponsors wanted

2008-05-16T17:00:00.002-05:00

I'm looking for a few good sponsors.

For me.

Just in general.

Alright here's the thing: I've got stuff to do. Seriously.

I've got a zine that is just waiting to salt the underground punk rock sub-culture. The few issues I've gotten out in the past three years have really stirred up some people who really need Christ. This thing is supposed to be quarterly, but I'm struggling to get it out annually. No way to build a readership, let alone break into a really, really dark scene.

I've got student ministry ideas that just need some time to see the light of day. I want to take teenagers on month-long missions trips. I want to do before-school prayer groups. I've got student ministry ideas that I haven't even had time to just sit and think on long enough to let them mature. Like a Home Ec-style small group for the girls that will help them become amazing women of God, and prepare them to be wives in a society that hates Godly wives. What could that do?

I've got ideas for books that might yield a good return on your investment, and I've got articles that might help wake up some of Relevant Magazine's target market segment.

I'm convinced I could write music if I just had the time.

And honestly I'd like to have a little time to keep my house clean and keep a veggie garden. I'm sure I'm going to have to add motherhood to my list of things to do in the semi-near-future (no, I am not pregnant).

I just don't have time to sit in an office for nine hours a day, five days a week. There's too much to do. So I'm looking for sponsors ... just for me ... in general. I think, right now, I'm game for anything as low as $20,000/year because I'm sure some of the stuff I want to do will generate a bit of income as well. We can even work out some sort of deal if you want a percentage of that as your ROI.

So if you're interested, leave me a note in the comments and I'll get in touch. Sound good? Thanks.

updates from the homeowners

2008-05-15T13:02:00.002-05:00

We're doing well and having a great time. Some exciting homeowner firsts:

Timothy mowed the lawn for the first time last weekend. It looks wonderful. At one point he thinks (now) that he put too much oil in the lawn mower, though, because at a certain angle it would presumably overflow onto the engine and emit really big, really thick billows of white smoke. The neighbor thought it was hilarious.

We bought a kitchen table (a real one), and a bench to go with it. After we've weathered the first round of utility bills we'll probably go back for chairs, but the table and bench are gorgeous.

And I wrote a check for our first mortgage payment yesterday. That was less exciting than the other two.

We're totally in with the neighbors too - especially the teenagers. (You're not surprised?) Skateboards and four-square and a little bit of mutual respect is all it takes. It's strange sometimes because I'm so used to our teenagers at church, and these teenagers are different (for now). Like when Brenton's mom yelled at him to come home yesterday evening and he yelled back, "I'm right there!" Timothy told him a few times to listen to his parents and go home before Brenton seemed to realize he wasn't kidding.

So no, we don't really need any help with anything, but thanks for asking. And yes, we want to have you over but right now you have to wait for either (1) those chairs I mentioned, or (2) nicer weather so we can have an open house.

innocent Bible study

2008-05-12T12:27:00.003-05:00

We've been confiscating most of the teenagers on the first two Sunday mornings of the month for a little Bible study in the café. We were motivated to so do after watching most of them sleep, doodle, or text through most Sunday mornings. It's been going well.

We're going through a book called Live Like a Jesus Freak. Each chapter focuses on a characteristic that needs to be brought to submission. "Love like a Jesus freak," "Worship like a Jesus Freak," etc. Last Sunday was "Stand like a Jesus freak."

Timothy read through the opening of the chapter until he came to a reference to Luke 6. He read the first verse of the passage and paused. It was one of those have-I-ever-read-that-verse? moments.

Luke 6:46/"But why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do the things which I say?"

That stings a little. I haven't called Him Lord since yesterday morning. We've talked, but I'm aware of that sore spot on my face and I keep calling Him anything else I can think of. Maybe it's petty, and I know He knows I'm trying (... but how hard am I trying? My alarm went off at 6 this morning and I rolled over and ignored it), but it hit me really hard. We're called to a life of discipleship and obedience, not to a prayer and a tub of water and grace to continue in compromise.

Then we watched a clip from Luther. The chapter used Luther as an example of "standing like a Jesus Freak," so I jumped on it (as I'm doing again right now) because - as my husband and kids will tell you - I'm in love with Luther. I think I've read Here I Stand three times and the movie is remarkably accurate.

Luther speaks to and inspires me. I watched a podcast last week of an interview with Rick Warren. He was talking about people being imperfect and made the comment that your mentor's should be alive, but your models should be dead. Luther is my model.

This is the scene we watched. This documents the moment when Martin Luther stood before the emperor, various cardinals of heavy influence, and many of the princes of the territories of Germany and answered for what he'd written. Recant and be forgiven, or stand and be burned.

reality

2008-05-10T23:25:00.002-05:00

It's late, but I need to get this out of my head.

Timothy and I just watched a rather lengthy trailer for the The Lord of the Rings trilogy. We sat there and mused about how good the first one was and how we'd all but forgotten it over the last few years. By the time the third film is a hit it's easy to have forgotten how the first one inspired you.

We talked briefly about how the first of any series would be a natural candidate for the best of the series: the conflict is presented, tension mounts but is hardly resolved, characters are still relatively static, etc. There is still mystery. There's still fear. There's still hope, and there's still the unknown.

Mysterious scenes of something once forgotten that never should have been. The troubling revelation of the truth and what must be done. Clips of boldness in the face of despair, courage in the face of fear, hope in the face of sorrow. (All set to an emotionally wrenching score, of course.)

Several minutes into the trailer something began to stir inside of me. I'm not a nerd about The Lord of the Rings. That wasn't it. It was something familiar and as I listened to it instead of the symphony coming from the MacBook I recognized it.

It was the same thing I felt recently as I listened to Misty Edwards singing a song I've heard hundreds of times. "I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah ... I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah ..."

I was just driving a couple weeks ago and hadn't paid much attention to the rest of the song, but that line grabbed me suddenly and I thought about my King.

"I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah ..."

Every good King ever scripted was modeled after my King. Every righteous cause was modeled after His love for His bride and His people. Every story of good versus evil is His story; every battle scene is His battle; every hero is Him. There is nothing new under the sun because He is all there is.

Those stories are my reality. I am the woman in armor who does what no man could do on behalf of my King. I am the target of those motivating, pre-battle speeches. I am Jean d'Arc who pulls an arrow from her own chest and immediately returns to the battlefield. I am because He is.

My King is the one who was born to be King. My King is the Lion. My King is the One just and good, righteous and merciful, beginning and end.

Why don't we live this way? Why do my emotions respond to stories that are just lukewarm re-tellings of my own story? Why is the adventure so hard to maintain?

"I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah ..."

I like war movies. I thought everyone liked war movies until I overheard my husband and TK talking one day about how cool it is that I like war movies.

Saving Private Ryan is a good war movie. The premise is good. The action is good. The cinematography is good. The score is good. The characters are good - except that one. There is one character in that movie that I cannot stand, and it may just be because I get too involved in movies.

He's the small, skinny guy who gets brought along because he speaks German and he's good for something else. He's never been in combat before. He's a sissy. It's not his fault, but it's a fact. And I'm alright with him being a sissy until the last battle of the movie.

There's one scene in that last battle wherein two of his guys are killed. The one immediately, the other very slowly. And the whole time, he is cowering only a few feet away with a weapon in his hand allowing it to happen because he's afraid.

I've seen the movie a dozen times and still, every time it comes to that part I yell at the screen hoping that one of these days that guy will do something. But he never does.

I don't want to be that guy.

If this is true, if My King is who He says He is, then my life is every dramatic, inspiring, action-packed, adventure that has ever been told in print or picture. I need to remember that. I need to see it every day. I need to put on the full armor of Christ, take up my cross and die daily because if I don't I will cower in the stairwell, weapon in hand, while people die.

"I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah ..." Can you?

influence much?

2008-05-08T12:44:00.002-05:00

I got involved in student ministry because I LIKE teenagers. Well aware of my own imperfections, the plan was simply to spur them onward and upward while dealing with my own shortcomings behind the scenes. (That still is the plan, don't worry.) God uses imperfect people, and I qualify, so I signed up.

The idea was to be a good influence and teach what I'm learning and see them go from glory to glory as they usher revival into their schools and change both the expression of Christianity in the northwest Chicago 'burbs as well as people's jaded perception of teenagers.

If someone had told me that in addition to picking up on the things I'm doing right, they would also - probably unconsciously - begin to mirror the things I'm doing wrong I might have thought a little harder before taking this job. Irrevocable callings aside, the Lord and I would have talked about it a little more.

I obviously don't know what it feels like to be a parent but I'm going to make this statement anyway: I feel like a parent. Like when you (not any of you, of course, but that ambiguous "you" that's out there) accidentally let a swear slip out in front of a toddler and he walks around the house for the next hour yelling it at everything. I feel like, overall, I'm getting better at doing what I'm supposed to do, but I get frustrated at myself for letting an occasional obscenity slip out (figuratively speaking).

I can't tell you what it does to me when I see one of them break out of that shy anti-worship thing and actually love on God during a worship set. Or how awesome it is when I see one of them, from across the church lobby, doing the right thing where she's stumbled so many times before. Or when I hear from someone else how impressed he was at a teenager's humility.

On the other end of the spectrum, I can't tell you either what it does to me when I forget to aggressively pursue humility and I see pride and arrogance manifesting in the handful of students I work closest with. Or how angry it makes me when my own season of spiritual apathy rubs off on them.

Of course it's not entirely my fault, and someday they'll have to answer for themselves like I will, but I wonder how much of it, sometimes, is my bad influence and it scares me. Is this the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom/hatred of evil?

news, insights and pics

2008-05-07T18:18:00.004-05:00

I was invited to be a Bible Blogger. Weird. I got an email from a nice young man who asked if he could add me as a link. I was flattered. Then I read "under 'Illinois.'" There are so many they're divided up by state. Honored still, sure.

So I linked to them, 'cause I suspect that's probably what they're after anyway. I doubt this has as much to do with content as hit counts, but whatever. If you're really bored and looking for some Jesus blogs there's a link over in that side column.

That was the news. Here comes the insight:

It's not my insight ... well I guess it's my insight about someone else's insight. I finished a book at work today called MicroTrends by Mark J. Penn. Penn is a pollster who makes an amazing case for how the small, under-the-radar trends are the ones that really shape our society. The book basically goes through 75 of what he believes are the most important. It's interesting. Certainly not mind-blowing, but interesting.

The very last "micro-trend" he discusses is educated terrorists, which - contrary to many western assumptions - is most terrorists. Penn identifies a micro-trend as a group of people that make up 1% or more of the population, so terrorists don't actually qualify (they come in at .002). They have, however, proven that even a "nano-trend" can make an impact.

He discusses their culture, their behavior, their determination, and their possibilities (if al Quaeda could convince just 1% of Muslims in the world to join them, they would number over 10 million - a force larger than any national military in the world). At the end of the chapter, he makes this statement:

"The central terrorist movement of the twenty-first century, unlike communism, will not be defeated with washing machines. [long story] On top of the military and social efforts, it will take strong intellectual and religious cohesion - perhaps an interfaith movement dedicated to defining the true path to God that wins back as many converts intellectually as the military is able to find and destroy."

Did a secular author just prophecy? Are we so in the last days that a man removed from the Church and the word of God, who simply studies social trends, can plainly see that the best solution to wars and rumors of wars is a single world religion? Weird.

And I finally put up some pictures of the house. Not many of the inside, but you'll just have to be patient. You can see them here.

random thoughts and quick links

2008-05-06T12:54:00.004-05:00

I've decided on my first book. Marianne actually pointed out what should have been an obviously brilliant topic for my first book a couple days ago, in her final stunning act as BGFF before moving half-way across the world. (Yes, I made that up. "G" for "girl" 'cause of course my hubby is my BFF.) It's going to be wildly successful and, I suspect, inspire a prime time teevee show. Timothy and I will then live off royalties.

A college student freed himself from an Egyptian jail via Twitter.

Bite Back is a ministry that helps students save lives in Africa. They're friends with Compassion. They provide treated insect nets for $10.

The Mocha Club is the latest project from Threads (a young adult ministry). Becoming a member simply means you commit to donating $7/month (the cost of two mochas) for missionary work in the Sudan. $7 a month is the smallest commitment I've ever been asked for.

And yes, the house is still amazing. Thank you for asking. We'll have you over soon.

Oh, and I'm turning the comments back on for now - which apparently won't actually happen until the next post. I think I'm over myself enough to handle enabled comments, but we'll see.

cool neighbors

2008-05-03T22:53:00.002-05:00

Mm-kay. House updates (sans pictures because I haven't uploaded them yet).

We bought a house. We're almost all moved in, but we just don't have the stuff it takes to fill it. The bedroom is looking good, so if you come over I'll show you the bedroom.

And we have amazing neighbors.

Cool Neighbor Story #1: There's an eight year old boy who lives across the street and has been skateboarding for four years. Yes, I said an eight year old who has been skateboarding for four years. His mother confirmed those numbers.

He and his 13 year-old friend who lives a few houses down lured Timothy out into the street Wednesday evening to skate. Timothy tried to resist, but the kids pulled out ramps. They fight dirty. Before I knew what had happened, small skateboarders had emerged from all over the neighborhood. And a little kid with a bike. It was cute.

Cool Neighbor Story #2: There is a retired couple who live directly across the street. The previous owners mentioned that they often bring the garbage/recycling cans back up the driveway for them. I smiled and said something like, "Oh that's nice" as I secretly wondered if they left their garbage cans on the curb for two days.

Wednesday is garbage day. Wednesday at lunch the garbage collectors had not yet come. Wednesday after work, Timothy was home and the garbage/recycling cans were at the top of the driveway. I assumed ...

No. Later, talking to the neighbors with the kid who has been skating for half of his life span, I found out that the nice retired man across the street collected our trash receptacles for us. She saw him do it only moments after the truck turned the corner.

Cool Neighbor Story #3: It's been rainy lately. You've noticed. The cool neighbor with the afore-mentioned novice knocked on our door this afternoon between drizzles. He reached beneath his hoodie and produced an 8x10 wooden picture frame.

"I took this picture yesterday and it was kinda cool so I thought you might want a copy. It actually printed out pretty well."

The picture - in a brand new (hardware still in the plastic bag, stapled to the back) frame - was of our house yesterday after a rain shower. There is a brilliant double rainbow that seems to touch both of the top corners of our roof. He thought it was cool.

I think our neighbors are stinkin' cool.

light

2008-04-24T16:58:00.002-05:00

Have I mentioned lately that the burden of need in the world is too much for me to bear?

I'm unspeakably excited about the house we're closing on in three days, but I caught myself today thinking, "For $100,000 more (not that we have $100,000 more) we could've taken the one down the street, set up a soup kitchen in the basement, and carved out a community garden in the empty lot next door." I know the house we're getting is the one God wants us in, and I love it - but I'm overwhelmed at the same time.

I read this NYT article today. It's long, but read it all the way to the end. When you get to the end, let me know if your heart screams the same thing mine did and we'll go to Haiti together to find that woman. I almost cried.

Then I saw this. I can't tell you how much I want to go. I'm a huge fan of B:WM and I think I heard my bike scream "Amen!" from the apartment across town. I'd give a few toes to go if God said it was okay.

I started to think about which organizations can get more food to more people. Which can dig more wells for the money. Which do what they do in the name of Love. How many children can we afford to adopt tomorrow? How many clicks on Free Rice does it take to feed a nation? How do you go about setting up an orphanage in Africa? Or freeing women who are forced into prostitution in India?

We've determined to stay home this summer and work in the mission field God has planted us in, but $1 can buy clean water for one person for a whole year in Africa. There's too much.

And then I started thinking about the Church in the last days. The earth groans. There will be earthquakes and famines and war. It's not going to get any better. Is the Church going to get any better? We need to. It's nobody's responsibility more than it is ours.

"Feed My sheep."

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

"Bear one another's burdens."

Are we ready for this? Are we lightening our load so we can take on each others? Are we setting up systems for disaster relief the next time it strikes? Are we teaching people? Do we love enough?

Can we love enough? Should we try to love more? There are days when I feel like I can't bear it as it is, and I'm not really bearing anything at all.

I know that His yoke is easy and His burden light and I should just keep doing whatever I can do and not ... what? Not concern myself with the rest of it? Not let it bother me? I'm not trying to let it bother me, but I bump into an article and my heart feels like lead the rest of the day.

I should pray and trust God but I know it's not going away.

I feel like if I could sit somewhere and cry enough it would help somehow.