Tuesday, October 31, 2006

what if?

For starters it goes without saying that America is in a period of grace right now. Like Israel in Jeremiah's day, we're flourishing, but judgement is around the corner. Of course, ask Jeremiah, no one wants to hear about judgement in a time of prosperity. With the stock market at an all-time high and gas prices plummeting, it's easy for false prophets to stand in the streets (or on campaign platforms) and cry out, "Peace, peace!" But we know that this nation has turned away from the Lord, who is a righteous judge, and so the interim that we're in can only be His mercy giving us time to repent and turn back to Him.

Lou Engle, of The Cause USA, hosted a live "prayer cast" last Saturday. He talked to a dozen pretty established prophetic voices in our country (Mike Bickle, Bob Jones, James Goll, Rick Joyner, etc.) about the state of the nation and what the Lord has put on their hearts. Pretty amazing. (It was recorded - hooray! - and you can listen here.) Bob Jones is a man I respect very much (he's predicted - by the Spirit of God - everything from snow and comets to the fall of the Berlin wall and Bush/Quail), and he mentioned this grace period that we're in. Then he said he expects it to end in about two years. Yike.

Then I remembered Josiah, and how he ruled a nation according to God's will. I realize President Bush doesn't quite match up to Josiah, but I think Bush was raised up as a Christian man who did a job that not many presidents would have done in the face of such opposition. Let's not forget Jesus has this all figured out. The Lord told Josiah that he could not pardon all the innocent blood shed in the land by previous kings, but that he would not judge the nation during Josiah's reign.

So Bob thinks the window of opportunity to return to the Lord with all our hearts is going to end in about two years. I think that so many ignorant American voters are angry with President Bush (mostly because the media tells them to be) that the next Democratic presidential candidate is going to have their favor simply because he belongs to the opposite political party. Perhaps judgement is again merely waiting for His servant's reign to end.

Monday, October 30, 2006

why heaven?

I'm finishing up The Life and Diary of David Brainerd; right now he's 29 years old and ready to die of tuberculosis at any moment.

Brainerd is not a name a lot of people know. He lived during the 18th century, and very quietly carried out his mandate to bring the gospel to the Native American people in and around New England. It's been an interesting journey of laying down a list of good works before the throne of grace, getting commissioned, and absolutely laboring in the spirit for these people. Once he got a breakthrough, though, the man got a breakthrough. Day after day, and week after week of uninterested people finally gives way to a journal entry that describes what must have been an amazing presence and conviction of the Holy Spirit while Brainerd talked about the love of God. A simple message causes this holy travail because the man's life was saturated with prayer. He carried on for several years with a congregation of a few hundred (mostly) Native Americans, and preached an annointed Word the whole time.

Anyway, being that it's a journal and that Brainerd spent all his time preaching or praying, there's not a lot of reflection in it - it's just a day to day account of what happens. These last 80 pages or so, he can hardly get out of bed, so he has more time to write. He's looking forward to a physical death at this point because he feels useless being alive and unable to preach, and he made a comment that caused me to pause. I don't have the book with me, or I'd give you the old English quote direct, but it communicated that he is looking forward to heaven so he can finally worship the Lord perfectly.
Wow.

So often I think of heaven as the escape, the reward, the retirement, the rest I don't get on earth, the great place where we're happy and comfy and in God's presence all the time and yes, worship will be good ... But here is a man so in love with Jesus that he looks forward to heaven so he can finally worship without all the junk and distraction of this world. I want a heart like that.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

no compromise

The message that I think the Lord is trying to move deep into my spirit in this season is "no compromise." It's everywhere I go - subtly sometimes, but that's how He is - and it's working ... and I'm trying really hard to let it work, because my flesh really likes little compromises.

A couple weeks ago Pastor talked about Agag, and the things the Lord asks of us that we 98% do. When he tells us to "utterly destroy" something - in Saul's case, and we destroy most of it.

I just finished 2 Kings, and by the time I got to Josiah I was so stinkin' relieved to finally find someone who "did what was right in the sight of the Lord." It's exhausting to flip through page after page of wicked kings; I was disgusted at compromise without anyone preaching it to me. The interesting thing about Josiah is that even though he turned to the Lord with all his heart and soul, and did not compromise any of the high places, etc., God still judged that land (after Josiah's death) because of the sins of previous kings. 2 Kings 24:4 actually says that it was in part because of the innocent blood shed that the Lord "would not pardon."

Last night Jeff spoke at our midweek service (as Pastor is still asisting in revival in Nepal). He talked about sacrifice and building an alter via Abraham and Issac. Jeff pointed out that God told Abraham to offer Issac ("Issac" means "laughter," so God was literally asking Abraham to offer up his joy) as a burnt offering, and what I did not know was that the burnt offering was the one kind of offering (of five) that consumed everything. The other offerings left a little grain, or a little meat, for the priests' provision, but a burnt offering consumes everything.

It's taking hold of me. Just yesterday I overheard a conversation in the office (it's a tiny office) about someone not readily accepting a new family member because of her occult background. A comment that was made was, "I think I'm pretty religious, but you have to be open to other things." I didn't say anything because I hesitated too long trying to decide if the best response would be a passionate (read: angry), "Why?!" or a sarcastic, "You say that like it's a contradiction. Most people who are bound by religion are open to all kinds of things."

I get the feeling I'm not becoming a girl that people are going to enjoy (until they need Jesus to heal them or save them or something). I hope, anyway. Because Jesus was a nice guy (ultimately), but a lot of people didn't like Him because He refused to compromise. Paul was a nice guy that people didn't like. David embarassed his wife dancing before the Ark of the Covenant, and on it goes. Who's coming with me?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

the end


"And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet." Matthew 24:6

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Pastor Appreciation



October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Did you know that? Do you appreciate your pastor? Do you have a pastor? If not, I'll share mine with you; I got a good one. (And I can post this now because he's in Nepal and likely will never read it. Ha ha.)

You don't really appreciate a good pastor unless you've had a bad one. I've had a bad one, so if it seems like a blasphemous thing to say - trust me, they're out there (the Lord addresses them specifically in Ezekiel 34). It's hard, after having an "irresponsible shepherd" to trust another Pastor, so believe you me, I was skeptical at first. It's been about two years now, and he's good. Let me count the ways:


1. I appreciate his heart for his work. He could just as easily subscribe to a service that would generate sermons for him, show up during office hours and Sunday mornings, and say whatever statistics show will grow a church. He doesn't do that, though. He searches out the word that the Lord would have him speak; he's there on Saturday nights praying for the service the next morning. I've heard him say things from the platform that made me think, "Well, church attendance will be down next week," just because it was the right thing to say.

2. I appreciate that he doesn't make excuses or offer false appologies for his decisions. He does what he feels he needs to do with or without the approval of men.

3. I appreciate that he lets other people use and develop the gifts God has put inside of them. He does not micro-manage the affairs of the church, and he's not intimidated by guest speakers.

4. I appreciate that he's not an old wineskin, which goes right along with, "I appreciate his modeling of obedience." He changes with the Spirit. If the room that was set aside to be the bookstore becomes the prayer room, then it becomes the prayer room. If he's called to Nepal but doesn't really want to go, then he goes to Nepal.

5. I appreciate the council - that he gathers church leaders around himself to set up a mini checks and balances system, so that he can't even sign a church check alone.

6. I appreciate his counselling method. He's there to talk to you, advise you, help you out ... but if you refuse to work through a situation and really just want a shoulder to cry on, he's not having it. I kinda cried at him over the phone one late evening, and he does very well.

7. I appreciate his family. Tami's just a doll and so much fun and a great worship leader and good counsel. Liam is a sweetie who can make you feel like the coolest person on earth. Sean is too cute; I recently discovered that if I'm having a bad day I can call Seany (i.e. Tami b/c Seany is three, I think) and feel a thousand times better hearing, "You my buddy Miss Wex." And Naimh is just precious - even screaming or belching.

So Happy Pastor Appreciation Month!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Jesus is my morphine

I picked up the guys for Switch on Friday and we were talking about church and youth group on the way to Elgin.

One of them mentioned - without naming - a kid he knows who was pretty heavily involved in drugs until he started coming to youth. This kid started to clean himself up, and then quit coming to youth group meetings, and went back to the drugs.

I can categorically say, from years of personal experience, that no drug can provide the purpose, finances, escape, self-worth, euphoria, or reason that Jesus does. I know that, but its hard to tell people that. If you've never been in His tangible presence, you read the beginning of this paragraph and shake it off in disbelief. You have to meet Him to believe it; there has to be an encounter.

So what happened with the afore-mentioned kid? In the few weeks or months that he was coming to youth group, he did not encounter Christ (but then again, maybe he did and later chose to ignore Him). They say if your faith is not in Jesus by the time you're 18 it usually takes a dramatic encounter with the living God to get you there.

The point is I've been thinking about this mystery kid for three days. I don't know what happened, and I'm not beating myself or our youth ministry up - because our youth ministry is amazing and we're seeing the fruit of it every week. It just makes you wonder: Am I not in prayer enough for these kids? Did I do everything I could to engage that one while I had the chance? Because really, all I can do is reflect Christ and get the kids to a position where they can see Him themselves - but am I doing that? Am I praying enough? Is there something else in my life that would hinder the work of the Holy Spirit during youth services?

Lord, I ask for a fresh burden for the young people in McHenry County. Draw me into intercession on their behalves; annoint me to do the work You've called me to do. If there is something further I need to correct in myself, show me, Holy Spirit, what that is. Raise up a generation of young people in America who will lay down their lives every day for Your Name. Raise up a battle cry in the hearts of youth leaders all over this country to fight for their little brothers and sisters. In Jesus' Name ...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

messy, weird, violent, passionate love

I got to speak at midweek service last night. That was fun. I like talking about Jesus, especially when He shows up and assists.

I was a little intimidated initially because it was Wednesday night - and you know the people who go to meetings mid-week are usually a little deeper in the things of God than your average Sunday morning crowd. I told my husband earlier in the week that I'd be way more comfortable talking on a Sunday morning than a Wednesday night, but wasn't really worried about it. It seemed Holy Spirit was ministering to some people, so it was a success as I'm concerned. He ministered to me for sure, I heard my voice start to wobble a couple times as I got overwhelmed at what I was speaking about. Sweet.

He is wonderfully, violently passionate for your (comparatively) weak, little soul!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

looking forward to the inevitable...

... because you might as well.

What I like about autumn:

1. Leaves - obviously, everyone likes that about autumn. Especially people who live in apartments and don't have to rake leaves.

2. Hot apple cider. Best beverage ever - mark my words.

3. Pulling out sweaters for the first time in a while. By winter I wish I was in t-shirts again, but at least for fall sweaters are still nice. This goes for gloves, hats, scarves, etc.

4. Thanksgiving. Turkey and naps and pumpkin pie. Mm hmm.


5. Mums. I'd rake leaves if it meant I had a yard for mums, but I enjoy everyone else's.

6. Getting an extra hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time.

7. Soup! Ya, you can have soup in spring and summer, but its really much better in autumn. Panera Bread makes a fabulous black bean soup. I need to learn how to make soup this fall.

8. Trail of History. Its this event that goes down at Glacier Park north of McHenry, and its just really cool. Timothy doesn't care for it, but he takes me anyway. My favorite vendors are the people who make rootbeer and the people who make fresh kettle corn.

9. Bugs die. Stupid misquitoes.


10. Harvest. Come fall everyone with a garden has a kitchen counter full of yummy tomatoes and carrots and zucchini. Its nice to go out and reap the fruits of your labors, and I like the slow process of harvesting seeds for next year, freezing/canning the extra ... Apple orchards are fun too (see #2 above). I like to think that the Lord plans accordingly for the season as well - its been my expereince that He gets a kick out of things like that. This year especially I'm choosing to believe it because there are a few other things I'd like to harvest soon.

Did I forget anything?

Monday, October 16, 2006

weak and foolish

Can I just say: I love my Bible. I really do. I've been an avid reader since I could read well enough to do it in an "avid" fashion, and a book that you can read a thousand times over and never get bored with is just a great investment.

I was reading about my buddy Jesus last night and he told this guy that the greatest commandment is to, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" (Matthew 26:37). I thought the last one was "strength."

So I flipped way back to Deuteronomy 6, and sure enough, verse 5 says, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." Hmm. Certainly Jesus did not, "Err, not knowing the scriptures," so what's the deal?

Confident that Jesus did not misquote Deuteronomy, I assume that in this context, "strength" and "mind" must be interchangable. I think this is especially true considering the audiences. In Deut, the Lord is talking to a people who were laborers in Egypt, nomads for forty years, and who are about to take over the land they were promised. They're lay-people. In Matthew, the Lord is talking to a lawyer; like most of us today, his strength was his mind.

When you love the Lord your God with all your heart, you have nothing left of your heart to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You trust Him with it completely, and when it starts to lie to you, you turn it over to Him to take care of. When you love the Lord your God with all your soul, you have nothing left of your will or emotions to give to other lusts or to guard within yourself. You forefeit them completely, and when they start to argue with Him you default to His will and His emotions.

When you love the Lord your God with all your strength, you can't even stand without leaning on Him. You voluntarily become weak according to the flesh. When you love the Lord your God with all your mind, you can't think about anything without thinking of Him, you don't think on things that aren't pleasing to Him, you try to think the way He does instead of the way thew world does. You don't seek revenge, don't live "survival of the fittest" or "every man for himself;" you exhibit mercy and love. You voluntarily become weak according to the world. The Romans wanted a strong king, the Greeks wanted a wise king ...

Friday, October 13, 2006

revival

Allow me, if you will, to just kind of stream-of-conciousness/brain-dump on the topic. Half of the worship team went out last night after practice for a family platter (anything and everything you could ever think to bread and deep-fry), and we got onto revival and the tension that's mounting in our church body.

There's definately a tension mounting. It starts with the leadership, right? I know the leadership is feeling it, and as much as I am a sub-leader at CITW there's a buzz in my spirit as well. It's exciting, but at the same time we think, "Am I ready?" Is it possible to be ready, though? No revival is ever like the one before; there's no way we could know exactly what to expect, so could we really prepare? Basic things yes: be prepared to recognize and remove "wild fire" while allowing Holy Spirit "fire" to burn, and keeping focus on Him rather than, say, the landscaping should circumstances pit the two against one another.

I heard someone speak a while ago about readying (word? who knows?) oneself in prayer, fasting, worship, etc. - but in doing it not unto revival, but unto His return. That gets me thinking about revival. Do we want a revival in the church to kind of strengthen and encourage us for a couple years before we go back to the way it was before? Or do we want to raise up the body of Christ to be prepared for His coming? When He comes back, and we're brought before Him, do we want to say, "Look, Lord, we had a great revival - the longest revival in modern history - that just ended two years ago!" or do we want to show Him that we're sustaining it, working with His Spirit with a fresh enthusiasm every day? Is revival an end or a means to an end?


One of the guys made a comment about revivals dying out because in the midst of revival, people stop doing what they did to get revival. We pray and seek God and press in during worship times and ask the Lord for revival. Then, when it hits it seems people get so excited they just ride it out instead of fuel it and ... gone.

I know another leader who suspects that revival tarries because too many people have already decided what it looks like. Too many people have studied history or come up with their own ideas, and they aren't necessarily real open to accepting a revival that doesn't start out the way they think it should. Hmm.

Thoughts?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Not in Kansas ...

Do you ever just stop sometimes and look around and think, "Cool ... wait, when did I get here?"

I just adore the way God works. We ask for things - we ask Him to do things in us, proceed to whine about it because we think He's not doing it, and then one day its just done and we think, "Man, I didn't see that coming."

So often I think we go through life just doing life with our eyes locked ahead of us. We live like we drive (unless you drive like my husband, because I swear he looks out the side windows more than he does the windsheild): drop our eyes to the pavement just beneath us every so often to make sure there's no new obstical, scan the sides of the road anticipating some small animal or child less aware of its surroundings, and mostly stare straight ahead until something forces us to stop.

I stopped yesterday when I saw something good, and it got my attention in such a way that I looked around (and within) for a minute and thought, "Cool ... wait, when did I get here?"

1. My heart has expanded. It's true that you will not be tested beyond your ability, but He will test you right up to that point. Tuesday night I thought that point had come, but half-way into it discovered I was a full eigth-inch within the boundaries of "my ability." I think sometimes we underestimate our ability (especially in Christ), and blame God.

2. Jesus is real. For two years this doubt would creep up on me in the most insignificant moments. If I was believing or praying for something big, my faith was full and I was good. If I was in the middle of normal Sunday morning worship, this voice would break in, "What if it's all a lie?" It was never a huge struggle to shut it up, but lately during prayer and worship ... I don't know how to describe it, He's just real. As real as I am to me.

3. Prayer affects me. Twice in two days I've had people pray for me and it's hit me like a club. Sometimes we go through really stressful or really hopeless times and people pray things like, "Holy Spirit, comfort her ... be her strength ... fill her with Your joy ..." We think, "Ya, that's nice," but five minutes later we feel the same, and the person who prayed doesn't expect it to really happen because they open their eyes and give you this sympathetic, puppy-dog face. It's really been happening though, and it's awesome.

So rest assured, He's working. If it doesn't seem like He is, be excited because soon you'll look around and wonder how on earth you got where you are - and He'll get all the glory.

Monday, October 09, 2006

just jump

Tim and Marianne came along to Sunday dinner at my parents' last night. We were all sitting around talking, and my dad loves to tell about his children being fearless from a young age.

My dad used to entertain my brother and I by throwing us into the air. I don't mean tossing us up a few inches from his fingertips - I mean feet above his head. Last night he compared it to the height of a basketball hoop, and I have vauge memories of watching him drop his arms as he waited for gravity to kick in and pull me back down. When I was a toddler I would shout, "Daddy, throw me," and run at him.

My little brother lived Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The house we were in when Zack was three or four had two levels - the living room was the upper level and the front door was below, but the living room ended in a balcony looking down on the foyer. When Dad came home from work, Zack would lie in wait (wearing an orange ninja mask and armed with whatever weapon he favored that day) and throw himself over the balcony at Dad ... who never failed to drop what he was carrying to catch his son.

It wasn't that we were brave - I don't know if five-year-olds can really be brave. Brave implies that you are aware of the worst that could happen as a result of your action and you act anyway. My brother and I were never really aware that we might fall from 10 feet onto a concrete sidewalk. We weren't brave - we trusted our father completely and simply had no concept that he might not catch us one time.


As my dad was recounting these stories to a captive audience I couldn't help but feel the yearning in God's heart to have that kind of relationship with his own children. I couldn't ignore that Jealousy that kept telling me, "If you'll just run and jump - throw yourself - at Me, how could I let you fall? I long for you to trust Me that way, to shrug off that absurd, nagging thought that My arms might not be there." I argued at first that it would be different now because I'm older and I do understand that there's a concrete sidewalk beneath us; now it wouldn't be innocence, it would have to be bravery. "No," He said, "just have faith like a child (Matthew 18:3) and destroy within you the concept that I might not catch you one time."

Friday, October 06, 2006

from death to life


Today's the day the Supreme Court has to decide if it will hear the Doe vs. Bolton case. Ya, I didn't know what that was either. The following is from Bound4Life (see the link to the right):

Doe v Bolton is the companion case to Roe v Wade. It was decided on the same day as Roe, and it's what made abortion-on-demand legal and removed the trimester limitations of Roe, making it possible for a baby to be legally killed right up to the day it is born.

The "Doe" in this case is a lady named Sandra Cano. She never had, nor ever wanted, an abortion and has been fighting for years to have her case overturned.

This case is not as famous as Roe v Wade. We didn't even really know about it. Then, two years ago, an intercessor had a dream. She dreamt that we were all standing in front of the Supreme Court with LIFE tape on. Then a woman came out of the court crying. She said to us, "Please be standing when my case comes before the Court." This woman was Sandra Cano.

You can read Sandra Cano's entire testimony here.

Keep the Supreme Court in your prayers - and continue praying for the voters of South Dakota: abortion is on the ballot this November. If South Dakota decides to stand with God, we could see the end of legalized infanticide in America! Pray, pray, pray. Then get to the Bound4Life website and sign up for email alerts - I've been checking every mainline "news" channel (on-line) that I can think of, and no one is covering this. Nothing. The only information or updates I get - in fact the only reason I'm even aware that the legality of abortion is being seriously challenged - is because of Bound4Life's emails.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

pride

Pride is a killer. And it's sneaky. Pride is a sniper.

I was talking to God recently, and He was explaining the way pride gets in a heart and then masks itself as a dozen other things that somehow seem less threatening. We can deal with all the little things, or we can deal with our pride and knock it out. Funny thing about pride is that we don't like to admit - to ourselves or others - that we struggle with pride ... because it hurts our pride to do so.

He went through a half-dozen other things, and explained how it all goes back to pride. A victim mentality, for example, is Pride telling us someone wronged us - whereas a humble heart would say, "I'm that person's servant, he couldn't possibly have wronged me." Pride keeps us from loving our neighbors as ourselves because it tells us that our neighbors' wrongs are worse than our own. Pride keeps our passion for God on low because it tells us we can do the task we're appointed to do without Him - or that we know the person preaching and couldn't possibly get anything out of the message. Pride leads us into temptation because we think we can handle it, or into false humility when it convinces us that pride has never been an issue in our lives. Pride ensnares us in a fear of man, and will disguise itself as an inability to really worship because we don't want to look silly.

Then He compared it to dental work, and I'm not sure why. All the little things are cavities - you scrape it clean and patch it up with good stuff. A Holy Spirit filling. Pride requires a root canal.
To deal with pride you have to dig down to the nerve and kill it. You have to clean it all out, and when you're done there's a much bigger hole to fill in. You need a lot more prayer and a lot more Word to fill it up. Maybe it's because I've had a root canal in the natural, and I can relate.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

knight of faith?

I finished Jungle Pilot last night, which I obtained for free through Mission Aviation Fellowship. It's about the life of Nate Saint (whom you may be familiar with via the novel Through the Gates of Splendor, or the recent movie End of the Spear). Unlike many of the other bits about the life of Nate Saint, Jungle Pilot is a real autobiography in that it tells of his life since childhood, and does not give a very detailed account of Nate's martyrdom, since detail has been adequately given elsewhere.

The part that struck me was the wives at the end. The book gives more than I expected about the waiting they endured - it actually took weeks to confirm that the men had not been kidnapped, and they had not escaped, as any wife would silently hope despite all odds. The women still performed their missionary and motherly duties - multiplied because they were now housing and caring for dozens of men from search teams and various government bodies. The night they found out for sure the wives were all together, and concluded the evening with a solo voice accompanied by piano hymn. The military men in the room were moved, and one commented that he didn't understand how these women were so strong and so confident.

Today I listened to a sermon by Brian Zahnd called Knights of Faith. How one becomes a knight, what it's like to live by faith, etc. I think a lot of times we listen to those kinds of sermons and always put ourselves on the right side, because we know which side is the right side. Today I wondered. I think I'm still a page.

I'm feeling pressed. I'm feeling this question take hold of my spirit, "Will you live by faith for real? All the way? Even when it's not comfortable anymore, even when you're in the middle of a jungle and no one is around to admire your faith?" I don't know how to answer. I know how I want to answer, but can I?

Monday, October 02, 2006

happy anniversary

Yesterday was our very first wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem like it's been a year already. A whole year and I still can't get him to throw his dirty socks in the hamper instead of on the living room floor.

We celebrated Saturday night by waiting over an hour for a table at a nice Italian place. Someone was having homecoming, and every place was packed out. Yesterday we stopped by Veteran's Acres - the park were we got married - and walked down to the little cove of oak trees where the ceremony took place a year ago. The weather was just the same - warm with not a cloud in the sky. We hugged for a while and I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit there with us. Timothy kissed me the way he did the first time, and I got excited for what another year would bring us. So many people told us that day that the first year's the hardest, so don't freak out. If the first year is the hardest we've got this thing made, because the first year was wonderful.

Then, at 11:45pm my phone vibrated on the bedside table and there was Naimh (nee'-ve) Hoban! All seven pounds, 12 ounces of her! Welcome to the world, girl, you picked a great day to join us!